Big Bad Wolf Chapter 85: A Change of Heart

Things had shifted. Though Alex couldn't narrow down precisely when they occurred because he had no recollection of his life prior to losing his memory, he sensed that a great deal had changed.

Nebiru was a strange world. Perhaps his life changed dramatically when he arrived in this place—where vampires and their kind are free to be themselves—except when captured and sold to someone like Gillen.

He never imagined himself to be a lycan fighter. He couldn't think of a single point in his file were fighting in an arena against shifters like him had even occurred to him.

The Casa and the arena. That was what his life had become now. He drew breath for every victory, for Gillen's House of Champions' glory. And he despised every second of it.

Though he had no recollection of his past, he was confident that even his former self would despise the life he was currently living. And he promised he'd never die in this place, and he vowed he'd get Harper out of The Casa by any means necessary.

Harper. Every day he was going insane from missing her, from not being able to smell or touch her. Gillen was clever enough to keep Harper a safe distance away from him. However, he did occasionally catch glimpses of her walking with the other house slaves. He swore to himself and everything he believed in that he would do anything for a chance to get close to her, to see her looking back at him.

Then there's Lucas. He'd dreamed of the man more than a few times as well, and each dream had grown more real, as if he were reliving actual memories from his past. Could it be because Lucas was Harper’s mate, and he absolutely hated this fact?

The entire situation with Harper being Lucas' mate had also consumed his thoughts nonstop. And he was well aware that Lucas was not only Harper's mate, but that they shared a past. A history he had no idea how deep or how strong, or whether he would be able to break it.

Would his new bond with Harper be enough to convince her to choose him over Lucas?

Now that Harper had been appointed as Francine's sitter, he finally had an opportunity to speak with her, albeit a slim one given that Francine was his mate, but nonetheless an opportunity. Although, he had no idea what to say to Francine; he had no idea how he was going to convince her to allow him a moment with Harper, his new bond. He knew Francine wouldn't be pleased, given what they were supposed to be to each other. Perhaps she was his mate, but he couldn't sense any connection between them. It was as if it had been corrupted along with his memories.

It wasn’t until later in the evening, when Alex crept out of his room, that he discovered an opportunity to get to Francine’s designated chamber. Upon entering the room, he came to a halt and was fortunate to find her alone in her small bed, still awake; otherwise, it would have been more difficult for him to wake her up only to ask her if she could help him with Harper. The vampiress would perhaps lose it.

“Francine…” Alex called softly, not wishing to startle her with his unexpected presence.

The vampiress turned around and rose to her feet quickly upon seeing him. “Alex, what are you doing here?”

“Um, I’m hoping you’re not too busy,” he said hesitantly as he walked towards the bed in the room.

"Do we ever get to do anything else in this place but train for the sake of bringing honor to this pathetic house of so-called champions?” she mocked, though her tone was firm and calm.

He gave a short smile. "That’s right. You’re right.”

“Alex, why you’re here.”

“I… um… I need to speak with Harper,” he finally blurted out. Francine held his gaze, and the anger in her eyes did not make him stop. He continued to say, “Given that she is now your sitter, I was hoping you might help me.”

When Francine turned her eyes away from him, Alex thought for a few seconds that she was not going to say or do anything and was simply going to ignore him. However, it was the harsh smack on the face that really put him in his place and told him otherwise.

Wincing in pain, he turned away from his awe-struck face and reached up to gently touch his aching jaw. "Francine, I’m so sorry,” he began, his voice barely loud enough for her to hear, but she cut him off abruptly.

“And why do you think I’d let you speak to her?” she asked, her voice hushed and tight.

“I’m so sorry, Francine…”

“Stop! Just stop it, Alex. What makes you think I’d help you so that you could speak with her when *we* have so much to talk about?”

“Look… I truly don’t know what to say to you. I really wish I did, but I don’t.”

“You’re a jerk! Do you know that?” she was speaking louder now, seemingly unconcerned that a guard or anybody else could hear her.

“Because I don’t sense a connection with you? Because no matter how hard I try, I can’t—” A second slap in the face from Francine cut him off in the middle of his sentence. The vampiress’ rage clearly obvious in her eyes.

“I’m your fucking mate. Alex! You just can’t forget our bond! That's impossible! A mate’s bond lasts a lifetime!” Francine exclaimed. Her bottled-up emotions had Alex certain she wasn’t simply upset. He realized, after hearing her scream, that she was on the verge of exploding.

“Francine, I’m in the same boat as you. I have no fucking clue about my past. I’m not able to sense the connection I once had with you. I’m desperate to know what happened and how it happened. I’m desperate for answers, too. Please understand that, “he begged.

“So, what do you think I should do? Accept it and move on, knowing that I would feel pain every time my you fuck another woman for the rest of my life?”

Francine’s eyes were welling up with tears, and Alex resented himself for putting her through such misery.

“I’m sorry. Not only did they completely erase every single memory from my past, but they also wiped out my whole—listen, for some reason, whatever they did also wiped out every trace of the bond I had with you. And what they did was not only unforgivable to me, but to you as well, and I’m really sorry that there’s nothing I can do about it,” he said and meant every word. However, after glancing at Francine, he realized it wasn’t enough.

“I’m a very cautious and guarded person, yet I’ve allowed so many things to happen. You were the biggest flirt I’d ever met, you know. Despite the fact that you were my mate, I tried my hardest to stay as far away from you as I possibly could. You’re a lycan, and I’m a vampire. We were not supposed to happen. Lord Aleister said that our bond was an anomaly. Your sister even agreed. We were meant to reject each other. But you didn’t, and you chased after me and changed my mind. You had persuaded me that we would have a future together. Don’t you remember any of that?” 

Alex scoured his memory, trying hard to make some sort of connection or even the slightest remembrance of everything Francine had just said. Sadly, however, it was completely blank. He had nothing. 

“Do you know what I really think? I think you just simply don’t care! Like how you don’t care when you blatantly display your affections for Harper in my presence!” 

“I am so sorry...” He couldn’t think of anything more to say or how else he could convey to her that he had lost his bond with her.

“No, you are not! You say it, but only because it is expected of you. You’re not saying it because you truly are sorry. But I can’t hold it against you, Alex, can I? Do you know why? Because you don't fucking remember me and whatever you had with me. You don’t feel anything for me now. I’m nothing more than a complete stranger to you. You said it yourself, our time, our memories, and our bond are all gone. So how could you possibly feel sorry for me when you can’t feel any guilt, shame, or pain towards me, or towards whatever is going on between us right now? You don’t feel anything, and you clearly have no idea how much it fucking breaks me! I want to hate you so much but I can't because it's not your fucking fault!” she screamed, feeling the weight of every word on her shoulders. All the things that were caught in her throat were finally coming to the surface now.

"I'm sorry, Francine, but you are gravely mistaken about one thing. I'm truly sorry for everything. Over the months we've been here, in this godforsaken place, I've come to know what an incredible woman and fighter you are. And if it makes you feel better, hate me, hit me, and take it all out on me. Please, do whatever you think will lighten the pain," Alex said as he moved closer to her. She held up one hand, motioning for him to stop where he was.

"Don't get any closer, or I'll lose it." Francine took a deep breath. "Your feelings for me may have disappeared, but my feelings for you remain the same." Her voice was a whisper, her aching heart bare for him to see.

"I'm certain that I loved you before I lost my memories." As he realized what he was saying, Alex's voice became quiet, and painfully so. "So much, I'm sure," he added.

"You’re right about that. And you couldn't take your hands off of me."

Alex gave her a warm smile and kept his eyes on her for a moment before nodding his head in agreement. "I wholeheartedly agree. I mean, look at you. Dammit, you are a goddess, Francine. And I'm pretty much you know that."

Francine took another deep breath and smiled.

Then it was Alex's turn to take a long, deep breath before saying, "But right now, deep down in my heart and mind, you're not *my* goddess to worship. It pains me to say this to you, but I have to be really honest with myself."

Francine was on the verge of bursting into tears as Alex moved closer to her again, intending to hug her this time. She was terrified that if he touched her, she would melt. So she guarded herself and took a step back.

"And I suppose I'm sorry, too," she said gently, and this time Alex was certain he could hear the tears in her voice. Taking another step back from him, she made her way back to her bed. "I'm tired."

Alex pursed his lips and stood still for a moment. Then, he said, "I've heard that I was an arrogant douchebag and a heartless motherfucker, but I'm no longer that person anymore. From the bottom of my heart, I'm truly, deeply sorry for the pain, Francine." And with that, Alex went out the door, shutting it behind him as he walked away.