The Dragon Queen Selection Chapter 148

CASSIAN

Taheer was waiting for me on the mountain.

I climbed the rocky path without thinking, my feet finding purchase on familiar stone. The wind was cold, colder than it had been yesterday, and the sky above was thick with clouds.

He was beautiful.

Even now, exhausted, heartsick, furious, I couldn't look at him without feeling something shift in my chest. His dark scales gleamed in the dying light. His golden eyes tracked my approach.

You look terrible, he said.

"Thank you."

You have been working too hard.

"There is no such thing." 

There is. You are proof.

I stopped before him, close enough to feel the heat radiating from his body.

"I have to make sure the palace is secure in case there is an attack. The tunnels are sealed," I said. "The palace is fortified. The guards are ready."

And Norwyn?

"They'll attack on the night of the ball. I'm certain of it. They will not find us unaware." 

Then you have done all you can.

"It still doesn't feel like enough. What if they have an ace up their sleeve?" 

It never does.

I leaned against his foreleg, pressing my forehead against his scales. He was warm. Solid. Alive.

"I need you to be careful," I said.

I am always careful.

"I know. But I know what you must do and I am scared of losing you." 

You shall not, young prince. 

"Taheer."

He rumbled, a sound that might have been a laugh.

I will be careful, he said. I promise.

"You're going back to search for Veyraxis."

Yes.

"How long will you be gone?"

I do not know. The mountains are vast. She is clever. She does not want to be found.

"And if you find her?"

Taheer was silent for a moment.

Then I will try to reason with her.

"And if reasoning doesn't work?"

His golden eyes met mine.

Then I will do what must be done.

I closed my eyes.

"Come back," I said. "Whatever happens. Whatever you have to do. Come back to me."

Cassian... 

"I mean it, Taheer. I can't lose you. Not now. Not ever."

He lowered his head until his snout brushed against my chest.

I will return, he said. I have watched over this kingdom for a thousand years. I am not about to stop now.

"You better not."

But Cassian.

"What?"

You must be careful as well. Veyraxis is not the only danger in the palace.

I knew what he meant.

Lira.

Lirael.

The woman who had lied to me. Used me. Betrayed me.

The woman I couldn't stop thinking about.

"I know," I said.

What will you do about her?

"I don't know."

You cannot avoid her forever.

"I know that too."

Then... 

"Taheer." I pulled back, meeting his eyes. "I need you to trust me. Can you do that?"

He was silent.

Then... 

Always, he said.

He spread his wings.

The wind caught them, lifting him, pulling him toward the sky.

I will return, he said again. I promise.

"Be careful."

You be careful.

And then he was gone, soaring into the clouds, disappearing into the darkness, leaving me alone on the mountain with nothing but my thoughts and the memory of her face.

\---

I stayed there for a long time.

Watching the sky.

Watching the place where Taheer had vanished.

Come back, I thought. Come back safe.

Come back whole.

Come back.

\-----------------------------

The corridors blurred around me.

I had been walking for hours, through the training yards, the gardens, the silent halls where no one dared follow. My legs ached. My head pounded. The whiskey from last night had worn off, leaving nothing but the raw, jagged edges of everything I was trying not to feel.

*Lira.*

*Lirael.*

I couldn't escape her.

Couldn't stop thinking about her.

Couldn't stop *wanting* her, even now, even knowing what she'd done, who she was, why she'd come.

*I'm a fool.*

*The biggest fool in the kingdom.*

*She played me. She played all of us.*

*And I let her.*

The preparations for the ball were everywhere, garlands being hung, chandeliers being lowered and cleaned, servants practicing the placement of silver and crystal. My mother had thrown herself into the planning with a fervor that bordered on manic.

She didn't know about the attack.

She didn't care about anything except the spectacle.

*Let them eat*, I thought bitterly. *Let them dance. Let them drink.*

*And while they're all distracted, I will protect them.*

I had done what I could.

My men would be stationed throughout the palace, disguised as servants, guards, guests. The tunnels had been sealed, most of them, anyway. The ones we could find.

But Norywn had been planning this for years and who knows what they had up their sleeves. 

*And more ways out*, I thought. *For her.*

*When this is over, she'll be gone.*

*She has to be gone.*

*I can't..." 

*I can't look at her anymore.*

*I can't pretend.*

\-——————————

My chambers were dark when I approached.

The guards outside nodded as I passed, their faces blank, their eyes tired. I didn't acknowledge them. Didn't have the energy.

I just wanted to be alone.

To close my doors.

To pour another drink.

To let the void take me.

*"Cassian."*

I stopped.

Her voice.

*No.*

*Not now.*

*Not tonight.*

*Please.*

*"Cassian, wait."*

I turned.

She was standing in the corridor, her green dress catching the torchlight, her dark hair loose around her shoulders. Her face was pale. Her eyes were red-rimmed.

She looked like she hadn't slept.

Like she'd been crying. Her skin was pale and sickly. 

*Good*, I thought. *She should be crying.*

*She should be on her knees.*

*She should be begging for mercy.*

But the thought brought no satisfaction.

Nothing brought satisfaction anymore.

"Lira." My voice was cold. Flat. "What do you want?"

She flinched.

Actually *flinched*, like I had struck her.

"I need to talk to you," she said. "It's important."

"I'm busy."

"Cassian, please..." 

"I said I'm *busy*."

I turned away from her.

Reached for my door.

*"Please."*

Her voice broke on the word.

I froze.

"Please," she said again. "I know I don't deserve your time. I know I don't deserve anything from you. But I need to talk to you. I need to tell you..." She stopped. Swallowed. "I need to tell you the truth."

I stood there with my hand on the door handle.

My heart was pounding.

*Don't do it*, I told myself. *Don't let her in. Don't give her another chance to lie to you. Don't..* 

"Please, Cassian."

I closed my eyes.

And opened the door.