Where The Ice Gives Way Chapter 154

**Blake**

Fuck. That’s got to hurt. As much as Lex and I want to stay here with Charlotte, my best friend needs me right now. *Dad,* I send through the link. He looks over from where he stands near the door, his eyes moving from me to Charlotte. *Go,* he answers. *She’ll be fine here with me.* I give him a nod, and Charlotte looks up as I step back. Her hand moves once over Emily’s hair, and she gives me the smallest nod. *Go.* I breathe out and turn before Lex can make me stay.

I push through the corridors, moving faster the closer I get to the outside. I find Theo by the tree line. He’s braced against an old pine with both hands flat on the bark, his head bowed, shoulders rising and falling fast. “Theo,” I say, and when he looks up, I see the hurt in his eyes. I’ve known Theo my whole life. I’ve seen him bleeding, laughing, drunk, furious, injured, bored out of his skull during pack meetings, but I have never seen him look like this. He’s split open and ashamed of wanting, afraid of himself. “Fuck, brother,” I say quietly. “I’m so sorry.” I step in and swing my arms around him.

His grip hits my back hard, and he folds into the hug with a rough sound. I hold him tighter.

“What the fuck am I meant to do?” he says into my shoulder.

I feel his pain as if it is my own, and I close my eyes, because I know that look. I saw it on Charlotte’s face the night Lex found her on the ice. She smelled me in the woods, felt the bond pull tight in her chest, and ran from me like I was something that had come to hurt her. Then I saw a different version of it in the hospital when she woke up. Beautiful, confused eyes looked at me like I was a stranger, and it tore my fucking heart out.

Theo pulls back, dragging both hands through his hair. “I didn’t even do anything.”

“I know.”

“That’s the other half of my soul in there”, he says, looking toward the underground doors, jaw working. “And she’s terrified of me.”

“She’s been through hell.” I breathe out.

“I know,” he snaps, then immediately shakes his head. “I know. That’s why I left.” He runs his hands through his hair and starts pacing, boots sinking into the snow and mud.

“Yelen doesn’t understand.” His voice is rough. “He keeps saying mate, mate, mate, like that means I should go back in there and fix it.”

Lex presses hard inside me. He understands that part. Gods, does he understand.

Theo stops and looks at me. “But I can’t fix it by being there.”

“No,” I say softly and his face twists. 

“So what the fuck am I supposed to do, Blake? I feel like I’m being torn in two. I want, no, I need her to be okay, but I can’t be there for her!” His hands curl into fists at his sides.

I think of how many times I have had to stop myself from holding on too tight to Charlotte and how cruel it felt. I take a breath and lean back against the fence beside him.

“When Charlotte woke up and didn’t know me, I wanted to tell her everything. I wanted to put every memory back in her hands and make her understand we were okay, that she loved me, that I loved her. I wanted to take the fear away so badly that I could barely stand it. But that would’ve been for me,” I say. “Not her. So I waited, and I’m still waiting on some of it.”

Theo looks down at the ground, and I know that nothing I say will really take that pain away. At the very least, it might make him feel not so alone in this.

“She was scared of me,” he whispers.

“Yeah,” I say, grabbing his shoulder. “But you stepped back. That right there is your first step in showing her that you’re a good mate. A worthy mate.” 

He shakes his head. “It felt wrong.”

“Sometimes the right thing does.”

Finally, his mouth twists into a small smile. “When did you get wise?”

I can’t help but laugh as I lean back. “I nearly lost my mate under a frozen lake. It aged me.”

He lets out a slow breath, then looks back toward the underground entrance, and I let the silence stretch for a minute.

“She’ll be alright. Charlotte’s going to be there for her. She’ll heal with some time, and you’ll find your way together.”

Theo wipes a hand down his face. “Gods,” he whispers. “Have I told you how thankful I am that you found your mate?”

I laugh and shake my head, but he turns serious on me again. “Seriously, Blake. You got lucky. She’s a good girl.” 

“Yeah,” I say. “She is.”

Theo takes another breath. “I’m going to stay out here for a while.”

“I’ll stay with you.”

He shakes his head. “Go back to her.”

Lex rises immediately at the words, already pulling me toward Charlotte, but I hesitate. I don’t want to leave Theo alone.

“I’m not going anywhere. I just need the cold for a minute.” He gives me a tired look. “I swear if you try to babysit me, I’ll tell Charlotte you cried during that dog movie when we were twelve.”

“You cried too.” I punch his arm lightly.

“That dog was loyal.” Theo laughs a little, and I squeeze his shoulder once more, then step back. “Call if you need me.”

I head back toward the holding doors, but I look over my shoulder before I go inside. Theo is still by the trees, hands in his pockets now, face turned toward the cold dark. Standing away from his mate because she needed space more than he needed comfort. I walk back underground with that sitting heavy in my chest. When I reach the cell, Charlotte is still on the floor with Emily. The girl has stopped sobbing, but she is still tucked tightly into Charlotte’s side. Charlotte looks up as I enter, and her eyes soften when they find mine. I crouch beside her and brush my hand over her hair, and she leans into it. That little movement nearly knocks the breath out of me. Despite everything we’ve been through, she’s learned to love me again. Piece by piece. I look at Emily, then back down the corridor where Theo’s absence still seems to stand in the doorway. I hope, I pray, that Charlotte can help Emily through her own troubles.