Deadly Silence (complete) Chapter 123

Theo’s grip on Vivian’s hand tightened, just a bit, as he said, “… your mom. You knew your mom, didn’t you.” It wasn’t a question; he didn’t look like he needed an answer. “At the meet this morning, you were whispering ‘she’s dead’ over and over again. You knew your mom.”

Tears slid down Vivian’s cheeks for the second time that day, as she fought the need to break down completely. He’d somehow said it so easily, like it was nothing, when she could never get the words past her lips in all the years since that day.

Finally breaking eye contact, Vivian lowered her head, not wanting him to see the pain his simple statement had caused.

He released his hold on her hand, causing a sob to escape from her, as she was suddenly alone again; but he hadn’t left. Theo reached over and pulled her into a hug, holding her close as her tears fell faster.

Before she knew it, Vivian returned the embrace, her fingers gripping the back of his shirt as though her life depended on it. Face buried in his shoulder, she gave up on trying to stem the flow of tears. For years she’d been bottling her emotions, always saying she’d deal with them another day; that day had never come, and now the bottles were breaking one after another. It was as if a tidal wave was crashing down around her, a force so powerful there was no sense in fighting against it.

How long they stayed like that she couldn’t say, only that when she finally began to calm down Theo was still there, still holding onto her like she might disappear any second.

“Tell me about her,” he said after her grip on his shirt began to lessen. His voice sounded strained, almost rough, but his tone was kind, gently nudging her to share something good.

What could she say, though? What was there to say about her mom? That she loved her? Wasn’t that a given? That she was kind, compassionate? Isn’t that what everyone says about a loved one who died?

What was it that made her mom so important? Why did Vivian love her more than words, more than just because Annie Devreaux had given her life?

“She… told the best stories,” Vivian answered after a few minutes, her grip tightening again, as the tears she thought she’d run out of began to flow again.

“What kind of stories?”

“Anything,” she whispered, then sighed. “Whenever… I was being punished… or… had a bad day… she would tell me a story. She told a lot of stories.”

“Which one was your favourite?”

Vivian hesitated. Which story had stuck with her all these years? Which one had she kept in her heart? “All of them.” There were too many to choose just one. Her mom had never told the same story twice, no matter how much Vivian had begged.

A small laugh came from Theo. “She sounds amazing.”

“… she was…”

The memory of the last time Vivian had seen her mother was engraved in her mind. No matter how she tried to remember Annie as a beautiful, loving mother, the image of her lifeless stare was all that was left.

“I…” Vivian began, voice failing as a lump formed in her throat. Swallowing, she tried again. “… she’d… be alive if… if it weren’t for me.”

There was a shift in Theo’s posture and Vivian was scared he’d leave, but instead his embrace only tightened. “Tell me about it.”

Vivian faltered once more, not sure how to put it all into words. No, that wasn’t right. She was scared he’d think the same thing she did; that she shouldn’t be alive, that her mom should have been the one who survived. “I… I was suppose to die,” she finally managed to whispered as she pressed her face even harder into the wet spot she’d made on his poor shirt. “She… she wasn’t supposed… I was suppose to…” Her voice failed again as she fought the guilt that ate at her from within. “I should be dead, not her. She… she got in the way and… and he killed her by mistake.”

“Vivian…” Theo murmured, his voice sounding as raw as she felt. “It’s not your fault.”

“Yes it is!” She shouted into his chest. “It’s all my fault. If I hadn’t been born… if I didn’t exist… she’d still be alive!”

“Do you think she felt that way?”

His question caused her racing mind to freeze.

“I think… your mom did what she did because she wanted you to live, Vivian. That, if you’d died, she would’ve never forgiven herself. She’s your mom… and moms will do anything to protect their child. What do you think was going through her mind when it happened?”

It felt like something in Vivian wouldn’t let her so much as entertain the notion of that thought, and yet, she couldn’t let it go. What had been going through her mom’s head in that moment? If Vivian had died that day, how would her mother have reacted?

“I need you to survive for me.”

Hadn’t her mom said those exact words? Had Annie Devreaux already known her fate when she’d whispered those words? Had she known her life would be the price she paid for her daughter’s freedom?

“They’ll hate me…”

“Who will?” Theo asked, voice always kind, as though anything different would cause her to shatter.

“Them. My… brothers and… and…”

“No, they won’t,” he tried to assure her, but Vivian was already shaking her head.

“They… they spent years… looking for her and… and I had her instead. I… took her from them. She… she…” Vivian wasn’t sure if she could finish what she wanted — no, what she needed — to say. “…she stayed… because I was born. If I… if I didn’t exist…”

“I have a feeling that won’t be an issue for your family.”

“Yes it… yes it will. They… they love her… so much… And…”

“Vivian, do you honestly think they’d blame you for something you had no control over? It wasn’t your choice to be born. You were a kid; you couldn’t have changed anything. None of this is your fault.”

“B-but…”

“Nope. None of it is your fault. Not even a little. And I’d be willing to bet everything on it, too.”

Vivian let out a huff at his confident tone. He was impossible.

“You should tell them,” he said after a minute.

Her grip tightened again as she fought the panic his statement brought up. “N-no.”

“Yes. You owe it to yourself… and your mom. Don’t you think she’d want them to know the truth?”