Deadly Silence (complete) Chapter 9

Part of her wanted to give the four of them a chance, to allow herself a modicum of happiness in what had been an otherwise challenging existence, but this wasn’t something she could let happen.

There was too much she couldn’t say — wouldn’t say — and if she let them in even a little it would be difficult to stop herself from sharing everything.

From before she could remember, Vivian recalled her mother teaching her one very important lesson over and over again until it was almost a mantra at this point.

If you can’t tell the truth, say nothing at all. Silence tells no lies.

Vivian was proud to say she had never lied — at least to her knowledge — because any time she felt the desire she shut her mouth and let others decide what she wasn’t saying.

It complicated things, in the sense there was a mystery about her life that others wanted to solve and they were unrelenting in their pursuit; but it was also comforting in a weird way to know that there were things only she knew, only she would ever know, because of the silence she kept.

Living this way was a lonely existence, but Vivian had long come to the conclusion it was best for everyone.

After all, most wouldn’t understand how a child would be able to point a gun at a parent and pull the trigger as pure terror fill their mind.

Her hands were stained in blood and no one knew the truth; it would stay that way if Vivian had anything to say — or not say — about it.

—-

Shopping with Samuel had been an interesting experience.

Vivian was used to the adult taking charge and picking things off the shelf, nit picking the waist line, coverage, price, style… but that wasn’t how it went with her father.

It had started off awkwardly, with her waiting for him to lead the way while he did the same to her until they both suddenly understood what was happening.

“This is your shopping trip — you’re in charge of which shops you want to browse. We have to stop at one specific seamstress on the way home for your uniform, but until then I’m just here to spend money on whatever you want to get.”

Part of Vivian was suspicious of his intentions — would he react badly if she picked up the most expensive item and asked for it, or was he being honest?

Should she test his word on the matter, or just forget about it and shop as she would under normal circumstances?

Glancing at the man as they began their crawl through the mall he’d driven them to, Vivian decided not to push her luck. He hadn’t done anything that gave the impression he wouldn’t do as he said, and so she let go of the need to test the limits of his generosity.

By the time they left the mall Vivian had found he’d spoken the truth.

When Samuel had mentioned her needing more clothes, she had pictured a couple pairs of pants and a handful of tops; instead it felt like she’d bought the entire mall.

Samuel had even called someone to pick up their purchases twice during the shopping extravaganza. Every time Vivian tried to mention not needing so many clothes, he’d shaken his head and pointed to something he thought she might like instead.

Vivian had refused to look at, or even listen to the clerk when they spoke the total out loud to her father, who promptly paid with a card.

It was insane!

Exhausted after an entire afternoon on her feet, trying clothes on and working hard to not look at price tags, Vivian slumped into the back seat of the car as Samuel drove them to their last stop.

The seamstress was an older woman who dressed sharply and took no nonsense from anyone.

Samuel allowed her to drag Vivian into another room, where she was measured, forced to put on the uniform, then poked and prodded as the woman tailored the garments to a perfect fit.

“They’ll be ready in one week,” she told Samuel once they’d returned to the front of the shop.

“Perfect. Thank you.”

There were so few words exchanged during the appointment that Vivian left feeling confused by how overwhelming the experience had been, thinking it more emotionally taxing to be measured than an afternoon of power shopping.

“Did you want to pick up anything for supper?”

Startled out of her half asleep state, Vivian blinked a few times at the question at hand. “Uhm.” She’d spent an ungodly amount of his money already and now he wanted to buy more things? “Sushi?” It seemed like a safe choice, as most people she’d known liked sushi.

“Good choice,” Samuel nodded in approval.

Within twenty minutes Vivian found herself sharing the backseat with a number of take out bags full of the aforementioned food. Her father hadn’t asked what she’d wanted specifically, but something told her he’d gotten some of everything anyway. Maybe her brothers liked all of it, so getting everything was the usual order?

“This might not be the time to tell you this,” her father said as they waited for a red light to turn. “But there’s a memorial service for Annie tomorrow; for your mother.”

Vivian’s gaze moved from the window to meet Samuel’s reflecting from the rear view mirror. Where was he going with this?

“Would you like to attend?”

Wasn’t that on him to decide, she asked herself as a frown creased her brow. It’s not like she could get there on her own.

“I understand if you’d rather not go,” he continued once the light had changed.

Ah, she realized what he meant now. “It’s fine,” she told him with a small nod. “It’s nice to say good bye.”

Vivian had already done so, in person, but that had been different. Her mother had been alive, fighting for their lives; words exchanged in those moments were important, but Vivian felt she needed to at least see her mother one last time, to fully understand the finality of death.

It was a bleak thought, one she didn’t understand or want to understand, but to let the opportunity for another final good bye pass by would only bring regret.

And she was already full of regret; there was no need to add more to the pile. It would also give her the chance to meet any family who shared blood relations to either side of the family.

“Who will be there?” She asked after a few minutes, the idea of meeting family now feeling more terrifying than exciting.

Samuel glanced back at her at the question. “Annie’s family, most of mine, and friends of hers.”

Pursing her lips, Vivian didn’t like the sound of meeting so many people at once.

She also realized it was possible none of them knew she existed, and that meeting them during a memorial service would take the attention away from her mom, who should be the one they focussed on.

“Do they know about me?” Vivian refused to look away from gazing out the window, watching the world pass by without seeing any of it.

The hesitation before he answered was all Vivian needed to hear, the answer obvious in that brief silence. “They don’t. I didn’t want to tell them about you until you’d settled in.”

“I don’t think… my going would be appropriate then,” she finally said after thinking it over some more. “It would take attention off Mom.”

Samuel glanced at her again, his eyes narrowing just a little as though her words had caused him pain. “Don’t think of it that way. Your mom would want you to go no matter what, I think.”

Vivian kept her lips pursed, not allowing herself to tell him they’d already said their good byes years ago, and that this was just her being selfish.

“Would you prefer it if we don’t tell them who you are?”

This caught her attention and brought her gaze back to her father. “What would you tell them?”

Samuel shifted in his seat a bit. “Well. Her family is pretty big, so maybe you’re the daughter of an estranged cousin who needed a place to stay for a year or two while your parents travelled or … something.”

Thinking it over, Vivian liked this idea. “That’d work.”

“You can just be yourself; I’ll explain the situation to anyone who asks so you can focus on other things,” he continued after hearing she liked the idea.

“Okay.”