Into the Alpha’s Keep Chapter 53: 52

The world around us seemed to silence, not even the rustling of small animals or the hoot of owls was present.

Fenrir pushed me, pressing my back against the rough trunk of the tree, deepening the kiss. The heat concentrated between my legs, and I let out a moan.

I grabbed the soft strands of his brown hair, holding them. I liked how the curls shaped between my fingers.

His breath smelled of whiskey and mint, an intoxicating mix. And the scent of fresh pine and damp earth was the only thing I could feel.

For a millisecond, it felt so right. We felt so right. But soon, I brushed the thought away, dissolving it from my mind.

It was just hormones screaming loudly.

Fenrir had a dead mate. He was broken, and he could never be fixed. He knew true love and lost it. It was clear, Marilyn spent half a century trying to do so, unsuccessfully. She let life slip through her hands, turning completely toward the male she was in love with, living for him, existing for him.

I wouldn’t be just another female in his life. I wouldn’t accept dedicating my life to his, trying to make him fall in love, or at least reciprocate the feelings I had and couldn’t understand.

Emotional imprisonment was a thousand times worse than physical imprisonment.

I knew Hunter wasn’t my destined mate, but I was willing to love him as if he were. And it was possible. Most marriages worked that way in Twilight and Eclipse. I still couldn’t understand why it was different for the five packs of the Carpathians.

I also had no hopes of finding my destined mate. I was mated, and nothing could be done about it. If I found him, it would cause pain for both him and me. Maybe one day, in the afterlife, I could meet him, but not in this life.

He pulled our lips apart and pressed his forehead to mine, breathing deeply.

“Why are you sad?” he asked, drinking in the melancholy that emanated from me.

I hated this bond, most of the time, it was only useful when I was in danger.

“I’m just... remembering my old life,” I lied.

“And do you miss it?” He dragged his forehead away from mine and narrowed his eyes, turning them into small slits. “Do you miss Hunter?”

I couldn’t hold back the mocking laugh that escaped me.

“I hate Hunter,” I said firmly. “And no, I’ve never missed Hunter a single time since he rejected me on our wedding day.”

He didn’t say anything, just watched me for a second, trying to read between the lines.

“I tasted the citrus of your nostalgia.”

I shrugged and pushed him in the chest with the palm of my hand, stepping away from the tree.

“I was just thinking about... love. You know? Predestined mates, pups, those things.”

He looked down at the ground, his jaw muscle pulsed.

“I’m sorry, but that’s something I’ll never be able to promise you.”

I bit my swollen lips.

“I know. Don’t worry about it, it’s not something I’m counting on.”

“But it’s something you want,” he retorted, hissing, staring at me.

“Wanting and being able to are two very different things.” I interlaced my fingers in front of my body. “I’ve accepted the fact, Fenrir. I can’t stop feeling what I feel. I know I won’t have it, but that doesn’t mean I don’t think about it.”

After all the misery that had been my life in the past few months, just having a cozy, peaceful, and safe home, with Selena by my side, was enough for me. My sister could have her own pups, and I would spoil and love my nieces and nephews as if they were my own.

He touched me, making me jump as I hadn’t seen him approach. I raised my eyes to his.

“I stand by my word about your life in Dăneşti. I can’t give you everything you want, but I’ll at least make it pleasant and safe for you,” he said briefly.

My expression mirrored his.

“That’s enough. Thank you.”

He nodded.

“Shall we go home?” he asked, offering me his hand.

It was a fair agreement. He was offering me safety and a decent life. In return, I wouldn’t have anything that was in my plans or dreams, but I wouldn’t be a prisoner either.

It wouldn’t be like it was when my father was alive and the alpha. Not like I was in Hunter’s claws. It was limited freedom, but still, freedom. And for someone who had nothing, it was more than enough.

Soon, I would have a home to bring my sister to and give her a life as dignified as the one she deserved.

With that in mind, I placed my hand over his, ignoring the electricity caused by the touch.

“Let’s go,” I agreed.

***

I finished brushing my hair and let out an exasperated sigh, watching my reflection in the bathroom mirror.

My eyes weren’t as dull as before, but there was still a deep sadness in them, hidden behind the blue irises.

Nothing was going as planned, at least not in my life.

The previous night had been an important starting point for my future. The certainty that I would have a home, but never love. And I didn’t know how much that hurt.

Abandoning everything I had always dreamed of and planned for required a part of me that, for a long time, I wasn’t willing to give up. But now, things were different. Fenrir promised me respect, safety, and comfort. How much would my trivial desires matter more than that?

Puppies, a husband, a family that I could call my own. None of that mattered if I couldn’t keep them safe. And with Hunter hunting me from one side and Fenrir from the other, I would never succeed.

I dropped the brush onto the marble of the sink and bit my cheeks, giving up and trying to convince myself of satisfaction. This was my reality, and I would have to learn to deal with it.

I spun on my heels and walked out of the bathroom, heading straight past the bedroom toward the door. I stopped as soon as I turned the lock and pulled it open.

There was a stack of three books right in front of it, tied with a blue ribbon.

I frowned and crouched down, taking a deep breath. The scent of fresh pine and damp earth reached me. The books had been touched by him.

Hesitating, I grabbed them, standing up. I pulled the sides of the ribbon, undoing it. The satin ribbon hit the floor. I rummaged through the books, reading the titles with my eyes sparkling with excitement.

Fenrir had given me romance books to read.

He knew the importance of the one tattered book I had, just as he knew how I had memorized the story.

I bit the inside of my lips, trying to suppress a smile.

His gesture hit my stupid, needy heart right on target. It was the first time he had done something so nice for me.

Deep down, I knew he was just fulfilling the agreement, but I couldn’t help but feel... special. He could have just protected me, kept Marilyn away from me, and made his pack respect me, he didn’t need to gift me anything, but he did.

I hugged the books tightly, feeling my heart racing.

I was so needy that a small gesture like that had left me emotional.

Fool!

Of all the gifts I had received, the books were at the top of my list. I didn’t just use reading as a distraction, I read because I loved entering the world created by the author and living the romance described on the pages. The romance I would never have.

I glanced out the window, checking the sun reflecting high in the clear blue sky. I would spend the whole day at the lake, reading and bathing.

Smiling like a fool, I moved out of the room and ran down the stairs, almost hopping.

I stopped at the last step, squinting my eyes.

“What are you doing here?” I asked, watching Anton and Andrei sitting at the breakfast table.

Andrei slapped his hand on his chest.

“Ouch, that hurt,” he sighed. “Not even a ‘Good morning, guys, how are you? It’s a pleasure to have the gift of your company so early in the morning.’”

“I also felt offended,” Anton retorted.

I rolled my eyes and walked closer to them.

“I’m sorry for offending you,” I murmured.

Andrei clicked his tongue.

“I didn’t feel...,” he gestured, “truth in you.”

“Neither did I,” Anton agreed, raising a finger accusingly.

I dropped the stack of books on the empty side of the table, pulled out a chair, and sat down, settling myself and preparing for breakfast. The smell wafted toward me, making my hungry stomach turn.

“I imagine how hurt your egos must be,” I teased, filling my cup.

“Very much. And now, there’s no turning back,” Andrei agreed, shoving a piece of cheese in his mouth to hide his smile.

“I feel like I’ll never recover from all this contempt,” Anton hissed, his eyes taking on a playful gleam.

I took a sip of the coffee.

“Now that your little show is over, can you tell me the truth? Or did Fenrir make you be evasive?”

They were always by the alpha’s side. If not both, at least one of them. If they were here so early in the house, and without Fenrir, it could only mean one thing: trouble.

Andrei sighed.

“We were assigned today.”

“Assigned to what?” I asked, chewing a piece of the fresh bread Nicoleta baked every morning.

“Nannies,” he teased, laughing.

I raised an eyebrow.

He hardly ever left me alone, except for a few moments when I went to the lake or stayed in the room. There was always a guard dog on my tail, ready to protect me if needed.