The Biker Alpha Who Became My Second Chance Mate Chapter 173

Tristan

"Baby that's not..." I started, moving toward her instinctively because everything in me needed to be closer to her, needed to touch her and make her understand.

But she stepped back and the movement stopped me cold, froze me in place like she'd physically pushed me away.

My hands hung uselessly at my sides.

"That's not what I meant," I tried again, looking into her eyes and seeing pain there, seeing hurt that I'd put there with my careless words and my stupid fears.

She just looked at me and I could see she didn't believe me, could see the doubt written all over her face.

I turned desperately to Orion and Sarah, silently begging them to help me explain, to tell her that I hadn't meant it the way it sounded, that calling off the wedding was the last thing I wanted.

But the looks on their faces told me everything I needed to know.

Orion's expression was carefully neutral but I could see satisfaction in his eyes, could see him thinking that I deserved this, that I'd earned whatever pain was coming my way.

Sarah wasn't even trying to hide it, she looked almost pleased to see me squirming, happy to watch me suffer after what I'd said to Athena last night.

They weren't going to help me.

I was on my own.

"I said that because I was scared," I said, turning back to Athena and trying to make her understand. "I was terrified that you'd left because you were done with me, that you'd decided I wasn't worth the trouble, I wasn't thinking about calling off the wedding, I was panicking that you already had."

"Right," she said, and the flatness in her voice cut deeper than anger would have. "You were scared."

She crossed her arms over her chest and I noticed how pale she looked, noticed the dark circles under her eyes that matched mine, noticed that she was wearing the same clothes from last night like she hadn't slept either.

"Just like you were scared last night when you yelled at me," she continued. "When you told everyone in that room that you'd rather be dead than have me save you."

"That's not what I said," I protested weakly.

"That's exactly what you said," she shot back, and now I could hear anger creeping into her voice. "You said you'd rather die than have me risk myself for you, you said it right to my face in front of everyone."

"Because I was terrified of losing you," I said, my own voice rising. "Because the thought of you getting hurt because of me makes me want to tear the world apart."

"No," she said, shaking her head. "You don't care about me, you only care about the babies."

The words hit me like a punch to the gut and I felt all the air leave my lungs.

"That's not true," I said, but even to my own ears it sounded unconvincing.

"Isn't it?" she asked, taking another step back when I tried to move closer. "Every word out of your mouth last night was about them, about how I'd put them at risk, about how I might have affected them with my powers, you didn't ask if I was okay, you didn't care if using my healing had hurt me."

Her voice was getting louder now and I could see tears gathering in her eyes.

"All you cared about was whether the babies were fine, whether I'd damaged them somehow by saving your life."

"That's not fair," I said, feeling frustration building in my chest. "Of course I care about you."

"Then why didn't you show it?" she demanded. "Why didn't you thank me for saving you? Why didn't you hold me and tell me you were glad I was okay? Why was your first instinct to yell at me and tell me I was reckless and stupid?"

I opened my mouth but nothing came out because she was right, she was absolutely right and I had no defense for my behavior.

"I didn't call you stupid," I finally managed.

"You might as well have," she said, and now the tears were spilling over, running down her cheeks in streams that made my chest ache. "You made it very clear that you thought I made a terrible decision, that you wished I'd just let you die instead of using my powers to heal you."

"I never said I wished you'd let me die," I protested.

"You said you'd rather be dead," she countered. "What's the difference?"

I ran my hands through my hair roughly, pulling at the strands because I needed something to do with my hands, needed some way to release the frustration building inside me.

"The difference is I was trying to tell you that your life is more important to me than mine," I said, hearing the desperation creeping into my voice. "I was trying to make you understand that I can't lose you."

"By making me feel like garbage for saving you?" she asked. "By telling me I was careless with our children? By looking at me like I'd done something unforgivable?"

She wrapped her arms tighter around herself and I noticed she was shaking slightly.

"That's a funny way of showing someone you care about them Tristan."

I took a step toward her and she immediately took two steps back, maintaining the distance between us like there was an invisible wall I couldn't cross.

"Please," I said, and I could hear the begging in my own voice. "Please just let me explain."

"You've explained enough," she said, wiping at her tears with the back of her hand. "You made yourself perfectly clear last night."

"I was angry and scared and I said things I didn't mean," I tried again.

"Did you though?" she asked, tilting her head. "Because you seemed pretty sure of yourself when you were telling Orion what a terrible job he did protecting me, when you were lecturing everyone about how reckless I was."

She laughed but there was no humor in it.

"You seemed very certain that I'd made a huge mistake by healing you."

"I was wrong," I said, taking another step forward even though I knew she'd retreat again. "I was wrong about all of it, I should have thanked you, I should have held you, I should have told you how grateful I am that you saved my life."

"But you didn't," she said simply. "You chose anger instead."

"Because I was terrified," I said, my voice breaking. "Because when I woke up and realized what you'd done, all I could think about was what might have happened, what could have gone wrong, how close I came to losing you."

I moved closer again and this time she didn't step back but she tensed like she was preparing to run if I got too close.

"I know I handled it badly," I continued. "I know I said terrible things and I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Athena but please don't leave me, please don't call off the wedding."

"I'm not the one who wants to call it off," she said quietly. "You are."

"I don't," I said immediately. "I swear I don't, I was just scared that you did, that you'd decided I wasn't worth the trouble after everything."

"After everything?" she repeated. "You mean after I risked my life to save yours? After I used powers I barely understand to heal you? After I proved that I love you enough to take any risk?"

She shook her head.

"Yeah, I can see why you'd think I'd want to leave you after that."

The sarcasm in her voice made me wince.

"That came out wrong," I said.