The Biker Alpha Who Became My Second Chance Mate Chapter 78

Tristan POV

The last few weeks had been complete torture. Every day felt like walking through broken glass barefoot, each step more painful than the last.

It had gotten worse after what happened between Athena and me, so much worse that some mornings I couldn't bring myself to get out of bed.

I actually couldn't explain what had happened that night, why I'd said what I'd said. Even now, thinking about it made my chest tight with shame and self-loathing. That was the most horrible thing anyone could do to another person, and that's exactly why I hadn't tried to explain myself afterward.

What explanation could possibly make it better? What words could undo the damage I'd done?

I'd gone out that night to have a drink, like I always did when the depression got too heavy to carry alone. And God, I really was depressed. The apartment felt emptier than it had ever felt before, even emptier than those first awful weeks after losing Jess.

I didn't know if it was because Athena wasn't around anymore, but I found myself wandering through rooms that still smelled faintly of her shampoo, touching surfaces she'd touched, missing her presence in ways that confused and terrified me.

I'd started wishing that night that Jess hadn't died. If she hadn't died, maybe I wouldn't be missing Athena so much. Maybe I wouldn't feel this gnawing emptiness that seemed to eat me alive from the inside out.

But even as I thought it, I couldn't decide who I was really missing. I just knew there was this vast, aching void in my chest that nothing seemed to fill.

So I'd gone out to my usual bar and ordered shot after shot. It takes a lot of alcohol to get me drunk - werewolf metabolism burns through it too quickly.

But that night, I'd been determined. I mixed everything they had behind that bar and downed it all in one go. It took hours to really get wasted, but I'd been committed to the process.

And that's where it all went wrong.

As the alcohol took hold, something strange started happening. I'd always told myself I was missing Jess, that the pain in my chest was grief for my dead mate. But that night, as I sat there drowning in whiskey and self-pity, I started seeing Athena everywhere.

In every woman who walked past, in every laugh that carried across the room, in every flash of dark hair caught in my peripheral vision. It was like my drunken brain couldn't stop searching for her, couldn't stop wanting to see her face.

I needed to see her before I lost what was left of my sanity. So I'd driven recklessly to her apartment, probably breaking every traffic law in existence. The moment she opened that door, it felt like all the emptiness in my chest simply disappeared.

She was there. She was real. She was looking at me with those beautiful eyes that had haunted my dreams for years.

But then, as I was telling her how much I'd missed her, Jess's face had appeared in my mind like a ghost. The guilt crashed over me in waves - guilt for being in another woman's arms, guilt for wanting someone who wasn't my mate, guilt for betraying the memory of the woman I was supposed to love forever.

I didn't know how Jess's name had come out of my mouth instead of Athena's. It just slipped out, like my subconscious was punishing me for daring to feel something real for someone else.

But deep in my heart, even as I spoke another woman's name, Athena was the one I truly missed. Athena was the one I'd needed to see, to touch, to hold.

When she slapped me, the crack of her palm against my cheek had been like a lightning bolt of clarity. I knew I'd lost her forever. I knew that nothing I could say or do would ever make her forgive me again.

So I didn't try to explain. How could I? How could I tell her that I'd spent months confused about my own feelings, that I'd been too much of a coward to face the truth about what she meant to me?

I left her apartment that night and didn't go home. I couldn't face those empty rooms, couldn't bear to smell her lingering presence when I knew she'd never be there again.

Instead, I went back to the bar and kept drinking until everything went black.

I woke up the next morning at Orion's house, sprawled on his couch with a hangover that felt like someone was taking a sledgehammer to my skull.

That's where I'd been waking up every morning for the past few weeks - sometimes on his couch, sometimes in his guest room, always with that same crushing weight of shame and regret.

Orion hadn't said anything about my constant presence in his house. I knew he was giving me time to grieve in my own way, probably thinking this was all about Jess and the anniversary of her death that just passed. He was being the kind of friend who gives you space to fall apart without judgment.

But Sarah, my ever-perceptive sister, couldn't turn a blind eye. She'd always been too smart for her own good, too willing to call people on their bullshit when everyone else was being polite.

Hours ago, she'd called and told me we needed to talk. Her voice had that no-nonsense tone that meant I wasn't getting out of this conversation.

We'd met at my apartment, and she'd taken one look around - at the empty bottles, the unmade bed, the general air of depression that clung to everything - and cut straight to the heart of it.

"What's going on with you?" she'd asked, settling onto my couch like she was prepared to stay as long as it took.

I'd tried to play dumb, shrugging and mumbling something about being tired.

"Is it because of her?" she'd asked, and my blood had turned to ice.

"Her? Who?" I'd asked, though we both knew exactly who she meant.

Sarah had rolled her eyes at my pathetic attempt at deflection. "You're not stupid, Tristan. You know exactly who I'm referring to."

I hadn't said anything. What could I say? That I'd been thinking about Athena every waking moment? That I missed her so much it felt like a physical illness?

"Let me say something, and you're going to listen," Sarah had continued, her voice taking on that authoritative tone she'd perfected as a mother. "You're acting really stupid right now."

I'd raised my head sharply, meeting her gaze. Nobody talked to an Alpha that way, not even family.

But Sarah had matched my stare without flinching. "I know what you're thinking, and I'm sorry for speaking to you like that. But someone needs to talk some sense into you.

I don't know if Orion is trying not to lose your friendship by staying quiet, but whatever you're doing isn't just hurting you. It's hurting him, it's hurting me, and it's hurting Athena too. Can't you see that?"

The way she'd said Athena's name, with such protective fierceness, had made something twist in my gut.

"You don't understand, Sarah," I'd said, standing up and starting to pace. I was getting agitated, restless, and wanting to run from this conversation but I knew there was nowhere to go.