Zenon's Game Chapter 67

I'm not ready.  I don't want to be disrespectful, and I don't want to be forced into a relationship if I'm not ready.  Why should Zenon have to change for me?  Changing is a difficult and painful process.  I don't want to make him go through that and I don't want him to blame me for it either.

Of course I want to be loved.  But I won't blindly walk into a relationship that I don't feel will be a stable one.  Zenon has been amazing in many ways, but am I really going to just forget the times he called me ugly or 'a four' or someone he 'barely knew'?  The easy thing would be to say 'yes', but I'm not looking for the easy route. I'm looking for a route that can lead me to become strong and confident. 

Sometimes I feel pressured by society to think that 'having a boyfriend' is everything. I feel pressured to doubt myself if I don't want to jump into Zenon's arms a few weeks after he ignored my existence at school and a month after he called me ugly. I don't accept that pressure.

I don't need another half to be whole.

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP.  A car honked on the highway and sped past us, dangerously close.  We moved to the left side of my car.

"Let's rewind what you said," I told him, as I caught him glancing down the road to check if any more cars were coming. 

He positioned me closer to my car door so I was away from the danger.

"We were talking about Jake," I repeated, "You said you think he's asking me out to get back at you."

"I mean..." Zenon raised a hand casually, "That's one working theory."

Jake has never been rude or mean to me.  At the very least, that should be a good thing.  Why am I being forced to doubt that?  So Zenon can be an a*s*s sometimes, but that makes him more genuine? 

I don't want to make excuses for good looking guys.  

My response was nowhere near as lighthearted. "So this is all about you? Jake could never like me for me; he's getting back at you?  You've always had a big ego, Zenon, but you need a reality check. You're not a big part of my world."

"No?" he mocked me, "Then why didn't you call Jake?"

I paused, drinking in the inhumanly handsome view that was Zenon Albert. He knew how to get me.

"I didn't want Jake to see me like this. I'm a mess."

Shockingly, those words deflated Zenon. He said, "And you don't care what I think."

"No I don't. You've already seen me at my worst."

Zenon ran a hand through his hair. He turned his back to me, breathed in and sighed, "Damn it Candace, why aren't you like the other girls? I'm the perfect one. Not Jake."

"And that, right there, is the arrogance that penetrates your perfection."

I sat in Zenon's car. He had a spare tire in his trunk and was working on changing my flat tire now. My car's hazard lights were on and I watched him replace the hubcap.

I didn't speak to him once.

He didn't offer up any jokes either.  

I'm not his mother.  Why should I be the one to explain how he needs to behave?  If he can't figure it out on his own, then I don't need to show him. I get so emotional with Zenon. Truthfully, I had wanted him so badly to be the one... 

My emotions were toying with me.  My head was saying one thing and my heart was saying another.

After half an hour, he'd finally finished.  His sleeves were rolled up and his arms were dirty.  He stowed the jack, lug wrench and my flat tire before coming to me.

"Thank you," I said.

"I'm sure you still think I'm a self-centered j*e*r*k, but you're welcome."

I rolled my eyes, "Come on, you have to know that already. This can't be news."

He didn't react. 

Had I gone too far? Had I actually hurt him? I didn't think it was possible. 

This was tense now. We sat in silence. Not even music was playing. And we loved listening to music together... usually.

I wanted to hear what he'd been listening to. There were so many new songs I wanted to show him. And now I couldn't. 

I didn't understand this. Usually when I insult him he knocks me back with another insult, no problem. I wasn't used to him being so affected by what I said. Is it because of what Jake had done?

And Zenon didn't even know about the kiss yet.

Even though I was angry at him, I hated the idea that he was upset with me. Somehow, I was totally fine with him being pissed off at me. Angry – yes. Annoyed – yes. Sad – no, never.

Time was up now anyway.  My car had been fixed and I could go home.

I gave up on saying something to Zenon and pushed the door open. I was about to hop out of his car when he touched my arm. I turned to him. He did look perfect, godly even, and his touch sent fireworks through my arm.

"Even arrogant jerks need friends," he said.

I think my heart stopped. And I took a long moment to process.

"Are you asking me to be your friend, Zenon Albert?"

This was a first.  Zenon was known for being arrogant, athletic, attractive.  But never was he one to ask for this. "Gods have fans, not friends."  That's what people say about him.

I think this is for the best.  I have made a mess out of the situation now myself.  After getting upset with Zenon, I accepted a date with Jake - a date I should never have accepted under current circumstances.  I'm not ready for any of this, and the best thing is for me to step back.

"I thought I already had," he admitted sheepishly, "Now I don't know."

He didn't elaborate further and I couldn't take any more. I've entertained a lot of his games but this one hurt too close to the heart. Did he not even want to be friends?

I got out of the car.

"Wait. Candace, wait. If having you around means being a friend to you, then yes, that's what I want."

"That's what you want?"

"I want you. Why is that so hard to believe?"

And that's when a wasp flew through the window and stung my cheek. 

I screamed, jumping up, knocking my head against the window pane and falling flat onto the sidewalk. I blacked out.