War Girls Complete Collection Chapter 219

Chapter 33: Anna

P

eter was starting to grow weary of her minimal answers and lack of enthusiasm. But every he touched her, her skin crawled under the force of the awful memories. Stan had never told her, but she was pretty sure, he’d prevented worse when he’d bribed them with booze. And while she was truly grateful, sometimes she wished he’d let them kill her. At least then she wouldn’t have to endure the images in her head. Nor the feel of groping hands on her naked skin. The smell of alcohol on their lips. Repulsed at the memory, she gagged.

“Are you sure, you’re alright?” Peter asked for the umpteenth time, so much sorrow in his eyes. She really should be better at hiding her distress from him. With everything he’d been through he didn’t need a wife who flinched every time he touched her.

Thankfully, they slept in the crowded compartment with five persons including a child, so he never tried to become intimate with her, but she knew that only bought her some time. One day, she had to attend to her marital duties again. Another shudder racked her slim body as earlier memories bubbled up that she’d carefully locked deep inside.

“I’ll go into the backyard to wash our clothes,” Anna said. They still had no running water in the building, but the garden well still pumped up fresh and clean water.

“Let me help you with the pump,” Peter said and cast Stan a glance. Stan in return engaged Jan in conversation.

“That’s really not necessary,” she said, goosebumps sneaking up her spine. This was a ploy to catch her alone. Best to play innocent and ignore whatever Peter had in mind.

“It is.”

“Well then, let’s go.” She pushed the bundle with their spare clothing into his arms, while she grabbed a bucket and a piece of soap.

Peter pumped water into the bucket and she got busy wetting down the clothes and applying soap to them. Peter helped her and she started to relax, thinking that he might let her behavior go for now.

She was wrong.

“Anna, tell me what happened,” Peter asked after a while.

She shook her head, “Not much. We pretty much hid in the basement while there was fighting in the streets…”

“Anna, I know you too well to believe this crap. You think I haven’t noticed? The way you flinch away whenever I touch you?”

She knew that stubborn expression on Peter’s face and sighed. He wasn’t about to let her pretend nothing was wrong. Anna closed her eyes and cleared her throat. “It was bad. I’ve never been more afraid…” She grabbed one of Jan’s shirts and began rinsing the soap from the fabric. The mundane routine was her lifeline for sanity. “…I couldn’t understand what they were saying, but the intent was clear. I felt so helpless. So…Stan tried to help me, but there were six of them. Two of them held him at gunpoint while the others took turns…I…my mother...I was sure they’d kill both of us. You hear so many awful things…I mean, they are the victors; they can do with us as they wish and nobody will even complain. “

Peter took the shirt from her hands and forced her to look at him. “Darling, I wish I’d been here to protect you. I’m so sorry…I should have left with you that day…”

For the first time it occurred to her that Peter blamed himself for what had happened to her and her reaction had only aggravated his guilt. Her eyes watered with compassion. She’d wanted to hide her suffering, to not heap more sorrow on him, and she’d actually made everything worse. She took the shirt back and continued squeezing the water from it.

“I thought they’d for sure cut my throat or mutilate me. I kept imagining Jan returning to the basement and finding our bodies lying there.” She sniffed. “Stan must have thought the same, because he offered them alcohol if they’ll let us live. And while I’ll always be grateful, every time I see him I remember what happened.”

A shudder racked her body and Peter came over to wrap his arms around her. She relaxed – just a little – into his embrace and continued scrubbing the clothes. “I try to tell myself that I’ve been raped before and survived, but this time…Doctor Tretter was a monster but at least I knew he wouldn’t kill me.”

“My poor darling. I wish I could make it all undone,” he said with so much sorrow in his voice that tears sprang into her eyes. She wasn’t the only one suffering. Each survivor had seen and experienced more than any person should have to.

While they were physically intact, mentally, they were both as crippled as Stan. And they could only hope that with time, patience and mutual love they’d one day leave all this behind and be happy again.

She leaned against Peter, thankful for his silence, and with every breath she relaxed a bit more into his embrace, the grief, anger, and fear slowly seeping from her bones. It would take a long time, but with Peter by her side, she’d one day be able to feel whole again.