War Girls Complete Collection Chapter 54

Chapter 28

L

otte remained in the custody of the landlady while Ursula returned to Berlin the next day. For two solid weeks, she didn’t do much more than sleep and eat. Looking like a skeleton, she wasn’t allowed outside – the danger of being spotted as a camp prisoner was too great.

After putting on ten pounds and a fashionable haircut – courtesy of the landlady – Ursula’s clothes still bagged on her, but Lotte had begun to look like a human being again.

It was time to leave the town of Ravensbrück and recover in a safe place far away, where nobody would suspect her to be an escapee or recognize her as the “deceased” Lotte Klausen.

Alexandra Wagner

. Her new name was still unfamiliar, but at least her sisters had been considerate enough to use her middle name. What she was excited about was her new birthday. In less than a month, she would be of age. A smile appeared on her lips. Like every adolescent, she’d yearned for that day, and now it would arrive seven months early.

Ursula returned, and together they would travel to Berlin. Home. But Lotte knew she couldn’t stay there. Her sister had promised a safe place where she could hide and recover for as long as necessary.

While Lotte burned with hatred for the Nazis more than ever and longed to do her bit in fighting them, she also accepted the fact that in her current condition she wouldn’t be of much use to their cause. For now, she was excited at the prospect of seeing Mutter before departing to another godforsaken town.

“What’s up, Lotte? Ready to leave this town?” Ursula greeted her.

“More than you can imagine.” Lotte grinned at her sister. Every day she had gained weight and strength, and now felt full of energy. Wrapped in a thick winter coat and long woolen gloves, a smart hat on her head, she followed Ursula to the railway station.

Memories of her arrival here assailed her, and her heart started racing. Her sister must have sensed her inner tumult, because she linked arms with her and whispered, “It’s fine. Everything’s fine.”

Once onboard the train to Berlin Gesundbrunnen, Lotte managed to breathe again. During the three-hour journey, she marveled at the difference between this one and the one in the cattle train when she’d arrived months ago. A shudder ran down her spine, that intensified in the next moment when a conductor entered to punch their tickets, followed by SS to check on their papers.

She blinked and forced her hand to remain still as she handed over her new identification. The SS man looked at the two sisters – who weren’t sisters anymore, but close friends – up and down and then left.

Lotte slumped back in her seat. Her papers had passed the acid test.

As they arrived at Berlin Gesundbrunnen, she spied her mother waiting on the platform.

She looks old and afflicted.

“Charlotte! Oh, my precious girl. Look at you! You’ve lost so much weight. And your beautiful hair.”

“Mutter, she’s Alexandra,” Ursula whispered and cast a warning glare. “She’s alive. All the rest will fix itself with time.”

“I know. I just wasn’t expecting this. Well, no matter. You’re here now. I’m so happy to see you.” Mutter grabbed Lotte into a tight hug.

Lotte wrapped her arms around Mutter. Something about being in her mother’s arms again peeled so many layers of heartache away. Her mother pulled back from her and stood on her tiptoes to smooth a hand over Lotte’s cheek, kissing her cheeks and then hugging her once again. It was a rather unusual display of physical affection.

“Mutter. Alexandra. We should resume this reunion somewhere more private,” Ursula suggested, seeing that they were beginning to draw attention to themselves. Even though Lotte’s fake papers had withstood the scrutiny of an SS man, it wouldn’t do to draw unnecessary attention from the Gestapo or other government officials walking around the train station.

“Yes, we should go someplace where we can talk.” Lotte broke away from her mother. She needed a chance to convince Mutter that what happened next was for the best of everyone involved.

At first, she’d fought against Ursula’s suggestion with tooth and nail, but after thinking over the options, she realized there weren’t that many. She couldn’t live with either Mutter or Aunt Lydia, or any relative for that matter, and risk being recognized as Charlotte Klausen.

The Mother Reverend of the convent in Kaufbeuren had kindly agreed to accept Lotte/Alexandra into her orphanage for as long as she wanted to stay. Of course, the nuns would never openly say so, but their convent played an important role in the underground network Ursula worked for.

While Ursula wished for Lotte to stay in the safety of the convent until the war was over, Lotte herself had different plans. But her next attempt to oppose the regime would be built on a solid foundation.

They walked to a small bakery across the street, and Lotte gasped several times at the utter destruction around her. Rubble wherever she looked, gray faces of despairing women and men struggling to clear the streets of debris.

At the bakery, they ordered pancakes and

Ersatzkaffee

.

“That pseudo-coffee is barely drinkable,” Ursula complained.

Lotte cocked her head. “You should have tasted the putrid dishwater they gave us for coffee.”

“Sorry,” Ursula said as both she and Mutter gave a sheepish look. “I guess then

Ersatzkaffee

is a delicacy.”

After about half an hour, Ursula pointed at her watch and gave Lotte an encouraging nod. Lotte inwardly groaned. Now came the hardest part.

“Mutter, I don’t have much time,” Lotte began, the words catching in her throat.

“What? You’re not staying?” Mutter’s eyes darted between her two daughters. “What haven’t you told me?”

“It’s not safe. We’ve talked about this, Mutter.” Ursula came to Lotte’s aid.

“Yes. And I understand that with nosy Frau Weber living next to us, Charl…” She shook her head at her slip. “Alexandra can’t come home. But I thought she would at least stay in Berlin, where I can watch over her. The last time I sent her away didn’t work out so well.” Mutter seemed to shrink with every word she spoke.

“Mutter.” Lotte sidled up to her mother and took her hands into her own. “What happened was entirely my own fault. There’s nothing you could have done to prevent it.”

Mutter gave a small smile, but her eyes filled with sorrow.

Lotte’s heart gave a hard squeeze. “My train leaves in twenty minutes.”

“Where are you going?” Mutter murmured.

“Someplace safe,” Ursula said. “She’ll stay there until things change. But she’ll be safe. I promise.”

Lotte squeezed her mother’s hand. “This is for the best. I can be of so much help there while I would just be a liability here. If anyone were to ever discover what Ursula and Anna did…we would all be in hot water.”

“Will you at least write?”

“If I can.” Lotte hadn’t discussed communicating with her mother or the ramifications of doing so with Ursula. Because of her sisters, she’d been given a second chance at life, and the foolhardiness of the past was dead and buried. From now on she would always act with purpose and a well thought out plan. The consequences of doing things rashly were too horrific to bear a second time.

“Godspeed you,” Mutter said and hugged her one last time. “Be well.”

“I will.”

More than you can imagine

.

A whistle sounded, and Ursula said, “That’s your train. You need to get on board.”

“I love you, Mutter. Take care and don’t worry about me. I’m going to be fine.” Lotte picked up the small bag Ursula had given her. It contained a few changes of clothing, none of which fit her, but Ursula had assured her the nuns would have everything she needed to alter them when she arrived at the convent.

The next day, she arrived at the train station in Kaufbeuren. A slight worry entered her mind as she tried to remember how to get to the convent. But much to her delight, two nuns were waiting for her on the platform. Lotte smiled hesitantly and then followed them as they walked the few blocks to their destination.

“Thank you for meeting me,” she said as they walked down a nearly deserted street.

“No thanks are necessary,” one of the nuns replied. Several minutes later, they arrived at the convent where two young boys rushed down the stairwell to meet her.

“Hello!” they called out.

“How are you?” Rachel’s brothers had grown quite a bit during the past months and seemed to cope considerably well with the loss of their parents and sisters.

“We are good. You’ve been sick?” Israel asked.

Lotte started to shake her head, then nodded instead. There was no reason for these young children to know the atrocities that were taking place in Germany. Let them keep whatever innocence they still possessed. “I am getting better. I’ve come to stay with you for a while.”

“Good. That is good,” Israel said, pulling his brother by the arm, “The girls’ rooms are this way.”

“Thank you.” Lotte followed the nun to the girls’ quarters with a smile on her face. The two boys wandered off to play in the gardens.

Her new home was a rather large room on the upper floor of a side building of the convent. It was equipped with twenty-four bunk beds and several cribs. Lotte wouldn’t have much privacy here either, but she had an entire bed with a mattress, bed sheets, pillow, and a blanket all to herself.

Attached to the dormitory was a bathroom with six showers and six lavatories. And to the other side were the toilets. Every girl was assigned a small drawer to store her belongings.

The nun broke into Lotte’s appreciation of the room. “Those two have adapted quite well. They seem to have come to terms with their situation. God be blessed.”

“They look happy.”

“They are during the day, but at night, we often hear them cry.” The nun turned to leave. “Take your time getting settled, you’ll be introduced to everyone during lunch.”

Lotte decided there was no time like the present to take care of her hardest task. “Sister, could you please tell me where I might find Sister Margarete?”

A brow lifted. “You know her?”

“We met several months ago, and I would like to greet her.”

The nun smiled and pointed out the window. “She is in the prayer garden at this time every day. If you go back down the stairs and go to your left, you’ll find a door leading you to the garden.”

“Thank you, Sister.”

“You are most welcome.”

Lotte inhaled deeply a few more times and stowed her few belongings in the drawer she’d been assigned before setting off down the stairwell, searching for the entrance to the prayer garden.

Sister Margarete was sitting in silence before a large fountain, dry now because it was still winter, but nonetheless beautiful. Lotte turned up her collar as a chilly gust swept through, grateful for the protection her winter coat offered.

“Sister Margarete?” she asked softly.

The nun raised her head, and her eyes opened wide as she recognized her. “Charlotte, right? Uwe’s friend. The one who recommended Peter and Klaus to us.”

Peter and Klaus?

Lotte frowned

. “

Actually, my name is Alexandra.”

Oh yes, Israel and Aron have new names, too. I completely forgot.

“Please sit.” Sister Margarete invited her without any further comment, but her bright blue eyes made it clear she knew. Knew that Peter and Klaus weren’t the real names of the two boys. Knew the reason why their sisters hadn’t made it to the convent. Knew why Charlotte was Alexandra.

Lotte cleared her throat. “I wanted to come and tell you in person how sorry I am about Uwe.”

“He is with God now.” Sister Margarete’s voice softened at the memory of her nephew.

“Yes, but…but it was my fault. They killed him because he was helping me.” Lotte’s eyes filled with tears. She hadn’t had the opportunity to grieve. In the camp, tears meant weakness and weakness meant death, so she’d pushed thoughts of Uwe away whenever they entered her mind. But here, so near to where they’d experienced sweet love, she couldn’t hold her tears back.

“Alexandra, know this…it wasn’t your fault.” Sister Margarete looked at her with compassion in her eyes. “We do not always understand God’s plans, but everything happens for a reason. Uwe made his own decisions, and I have faith that he did what he thought was right. He wouldn’t want you to feel guilty for actions he took of his own free will. He would want you to forgive yourself. There is nothing to be gained from carrying around guilt over something you cannot change or rectify. Be at peace and know that he is also at peace.”

A flood of tears rushed down Lotte’s face. “I’m sorry, Sister. It seems all I do these days is cry.”

The nun wrapped an arm around her shoulders and took her hands with her free one. “For what you’ve suffered, you have every right to cry. Weep as often as you like, and then let the emotions that created the tears help you to right what wrongs you can. We can’t let this war destroy all that is godly, decent, and human within us. We have to be stronger than the evil sent to tempt us.”

Lotte appreciated the nun’s words, and she closed her eyes, offering up a prayer for the souls of the dead and for those who were still suffering.

The Nazis had tried to annihilate her, but she had survived.

And if you

want to know what become of Rachel and Mindel, the Jewish girls, you can now preorder their book:

Not Without My Sister

. It’s a very emotional book, full of heartbreak, but also of hope, love and determination.