Cruel Paradise - A Mafia Romance Chapter 105

I know he’s just loving this chance to undermine me in front of them. To tear down every aspect of my life. But I do need to talk to Josh. I can practically see all the questions rolling around in that little head of his.

“Okay, fine,” I relent. “But behave, okay?”

The girls whoop and dart off with Ruslan and Kirill. I gesture for Josh to join me in the Chevy. The moment I’m in the driver’s seat, I grab my phone and text Phoebe.

EMMA: Pheebs, there’s been a situation. It’s a long story. But I need you to come to Hell's Kitchen now. FYI, Ruslan will be with us.

I don’t wait for her to reply before I start driving.

“Aunt Emma…?”

I take a deep breath. “Josh, honey, we can’t tell Ruslan we’re staying in the motel. In fact, we can’t tell him anything at all. Okay?”

I don’t have to look at him to know that he doesn’t like the sound of that. “But why?”

“It’s complicated.” He groans. “Okay, okay, I’m sorry. That’s a lame answer. The thing is, no one can know that we’re leaving town, Josh.”

“Even Ruslan? He’s our friend.”

Not anymore.

I feel something in my belly. It’s not nearly dramatic enough to qualify as pain. But it does feel like a reminder.

Ruslan can never know about this baby. If he did, he’d never let me leave. I wouldn’t be his secretary or his lover anymore; I wouldn’t even be his friend. I’d be no more than a womb for hire. And that would make me his prisoner.

I’m not about to subject myself to that kind of torture.

More to the point, I won’t subject this baby to that kind of torture.

“Ruslan has his own life to get on with, Josh. And we have ours. Plus, the fewer people that know about this, the better.”

“Aunt Phoebe knows.”

“Aunt Phoebe is family.”

“So is Ruslan!”

I can feel the tears gathering in my throat. How do I explain to an eight-year-old that the one man he admires more than any other wants nothing to do with us anymore?

I know Ruslan cares about my kids. I know he cares about Josh. But clearly not enough to give me the benefit of the doubt. Certainly not enough to want to keep me in his life.

“Ruslan’s not family, Josh.” It actually hurts me to say that out loud. “We wish him well. But we have to move on. It’s not safe in New York anymore, not with your father here. Not with… everything else here.”

I catch Josh’s frown from my peripheral vision. “Why do you think they took me?” he asks in a small voice.

My breath hitches up. He deserves some honesty. If he’s mature enough to ask certain questions, then he’s entitled to know certain answers.

“I think it may have something to do with… Ruslan.”

Josh’s frown deepens. “Because they saw us together?”

“I think so.”

He keeps picking at his cuticles like he wants to tear off the nails at the root. “Ruslan’s involved with some dangerous people, isn’t he?”

I nod. “I think so.”

None so dangerous as he is himself. I was a fool not to worry about that.

Josh descends into silence and my phone pings. That’ll be Phoebe’s reply. I wait until we get to a red light to check.

PHOEBE: Don’t worry. I’ll meet you there. I’m actually only two blocks away.

Bless her.

When we pull up to Hell's Kitchen, Phoebe is standing outside the building, leaning against the wall with her leg kicked up. She rushes over as Josh and I get out of the Chevy.

“You guys okay?” she asks. “What happened? Where are the girls?”

“With Ruslan,” I explain, gesturing over to the SUV parked on the opposite side of the street. “I’ll explain everything later. Just play along.”

She nods as Ruslan and Kirill walk the girls over to us.

“Aunt Pheebs!” Reagan rushes into Phoebe’s arms.

“Can Ruslan and Kirill come in?” Caroline asks.

“I’m sure Ruslan and Kirill are very busy, honey,” I say quickly. “Just say thank you and goodbye now, please.”

Caroline and Reagan pout. “Aww, man!”

Phoebe watches both men with eagle eyes. Then, after the girls say their goodbyes, she gently pulls them in the direction of the building, leaving me to talk to Kirill and Ruslan.

“Thank you both.” I address both men but I only make eye contact with Kirill.

Kirill glances at his boss but, when he doesn’t say anything, Kirill takes the initiative. “If you run into any trouble, don’t hesitate to call, okay?”

“Okay. Thank you.”

I chance a quick glance at Ruslan. His jaw is still set in that stubborn square and my stomach flutters with the secret I’m keeping.

“Goodbye,” I whisper. I’m speaking for myself and our unborn child.

Then I turn my back on him and walk away.

He doesn’t bother to say a word.

4

EMMA

“Are they gone yet?”

The sun is fifteen minutes from setting and Phoebe and I have been watching out of the windows for the past half an hour.

“Still there,” she sighs, letting the curtains fall closed.

“Do you think he knows?”

Phoebe’s eyebrow hitches up. “How can he possibly? Unless he’s been watching you the past few days…?”

Goosebumps prickle my skin. I collapse onto the armchair opposite the couch where the girls are currently sprawled out, tangled against each other and sleeping peacefully. Josh retreated to his room several minutes ago. I don’t want to intrude—until I have to, anyway.

“Ugh,” I complain softly. “We need to be out of here before Ben comes back.”

“There’s a Knicks game tonight. I think we’re good.”

I snort out a depressed laugh. “You never know. My luck hasn’t really been all that great lately.”

“Riiight… luck. That’s the issue at hand.”

I shoot her a look. “You really gonna make me feel bad about this? ‘Cause trust me: I feel bad enough as it is.”

“I’m not trying to make you feel bad, hon. I’m sorry—that came out wrong.” The thing with Phoebe is, if you stare at her long enough, she’ll crack. Sure enough, her mouth twitches, trembles, and then she blurts out, “It’s just I still can’t believe you signed a contract exchanging money for sex!”

“I’m not proud of it!” I hiss back.

“Well, you should be,” she retorts, completely taking me by surprise. “It was ballsy. Hell, it’s the type of thing Sienna would’ve done before she had the kids. The only mistake you made was falling in love with him.”

And there it is—the undeniable fact that, for all his faults, I am in love with Ruslan.

I’m also pregnant with his baby.

I’m also praying he gets bored and drives off soon or else this whole thing is gonna blow up in my face.

I’ve got a lot going on these days.