Cruel Paradise - A Mafia Romance Chapter 158

“I’m glad. And the nightmares have stopped?”

Josh glances at me. “Yeah. No more of ‘em.”

I already know that. I’ve taken to standing outside Josh’s door at odd times in the night just to make sure. Emma caught me once and I pretended that I’d gotten a call and had to take it in the hallway.

She has worried enough about these kids for one lifetime. It’s time for me to take over that responsibility.

“Ruslan, can I ask you something?”

“You can always ask me anything, Josh.”

He gives me a small, tight smile. “What do you really do?”

I answer carefully. “I run a company called Bane Security. That’s how your aunt and I met. She was my secretary.”

Josh shakes his head. “Yeah, I know that’s what you do officially. But I want to know what you really do.”

Is he asking me what I think he’s asking me?

“Josh…”

“Those men who took me… I know they took me because of you, Ruslan.” There’s nothing accusatory about his tone. In fact, he looks more uncomfortable than scared right now, as though he’s worried about offending me. “I know you’re important. And you’re rich. And there are people after you sometimes. I think… I think that means something.”

I put my hand on his shoulder. “You’re a smart kid.”

“I’m not too young to know the truth, if that’s what you’re gonna say.”

“You’re right.” I sigh and remove my hand. “You’re careful. And observant. And smart. And my policy is, if you’re mature enough to ask the questions, you’re mature enough to get honest answers.”

Josh sucks in a surprised breath. He was expecting excuses, non-answers. Maybe even lies. He doesn’t deserve any of that.

“Your instincts aren’t wrong, Josh. Tell me—what are your theories?”

He glances nervously at me. “M-my… theories?”

“Go ahead. Go wild.”

He lets out a self-conscious little laugh. “I was playing around with ‘superhero.’ You know, like Batman.”

“I’m flattered.”

He shakes his head. “Then I thought ‘spy.’”

“But not anymore?”

He shrugs. “Sometimes, it feels like you could be…” He trails off, dropping his gaze at the same time. Then his mouth clamps shut and instinctively I think I know what he was about to say.

“The bad guy.”

Josh’s eyes go wide with worry. “I know that you’re not—”

“Sometimes, that’s exactly what I am.” I clear my throat. “I’m going to tell you the honest truth, Josh, but I need you to agree to keep it secret from anyone who would ever ask you. Can I trust you with that?”

He nods so hard that I fear for his neck for a moment. “Of course,” he says proudly. “I won’t tell anyone.”

“Good.” I clear my throat and kneel in front of him. “I am in charge of something called a Bratva. I’m not going to explain exactly what that is yet, but it means I don’t always follow the rules, Josh. That includes the law. I’m often involved in dangerous things; I’m often involved with dangerous people. More often than not, I’m the bad guy. But—when it comes to you and your sisters, when it comes to Aunt Emma, I’m always gonna be your biggest protector. You have nothing to fear from me. Not now. Not ever.”

He exhales sharply.

“Are you scared?”

“No,” he insists. “Not of you.”

I nod and squeeze his shoulder. “Good. Because I only ever want you to feel safe when you’re with me.”

His expression churns slowly but I have no idea what any of it means. Is he still processing? Have I shared too much with him? Is this one of those conversations I should have had after talking to Emma? Or maybe she should have been included in the first place.

Fucking it up already. This whole “equal partners” thing is a tricky bastard.

“Remember what I told you, Josh. I want you to feel safe with me. That means you can tell me anything.”

He chews on his bottom lip. It reminds me so much of Emma. His eyes dart up at me and then back down again. The process repeats several times before he finally opens his mouth.

“I… I wanna be like you,” he says so quietly that I almost miss it. “I know that you do bad things sometimes. But I also know that you’re a good man. You’ve taken care of us. You’ve given us a home. You looked after us when our own dad didn’t. You don’t always follow the rules but I know you’d never hurt me like he did.”

Something inside me twists. Something deeply feral, instinctive… protective.

He’s right, though.

He’s right about all of it.

“I want to grow up to be a leader. I want to grow up and protect my family like you’ve protected us. I want to fight like you. I want to be a part of the… the Bratva… if that’s what it takes.”

The stakes have never felt higher. Again, I find myself thinking that Emma should be here for this conversation. But as I look into Josh’s steadfast eyes, the confident set of his jaw, the way his nostrils are flared with determination, I realize something.

This is his decision to make.

No one else’s.

“Your life is your choice, Josh.”

He looks stunned for a moment, as though the concept of having control over his own life is a foreign concept. I suppose, for a child, it is.

But Josh isn’t a child anymore.

“Dad used to tell me that I had to be whatever he wanted me to be.”

My jaw clenches furiously. “I’m not him. I’ll never do what he did to you.”

Josh’s face splits into a brilliant smile. “I already knew that.”