Cruel Paradise - A Mafia Romance Chapter 53

It slips out so effortlessly that I shock myself. When was the last time I mentioned her? When was the last time I even thought about her?

“Josh, can I see?” Reagan asks, slapping her hands together like she’s about to pray. “Please?”

“I wanna see, too!” Caroline jumps in.

Josh hands over the console without protest. Once again, I’m amazed at how grown-up the boy is. Any other eight-year-old would have clung to it and refused to share.

The girls fall onto the sofa and start mashing buttons, but Josh’s eyes remain fixed squarely on me. “Thanks for the present, Ruslan.”

“No problem.”

Emma walks up behind Josh and rests her hands on his shoulders. “Why don’t you take a seat? Josh, how about you bring out the canapés?”

“Canapés?” I smile. “I wasn’t aware this was such a highbrow affair.”

Emma laughs self-consciously. “Don’t get too excited. It’s cubes of cheddar cheese on savory crackers. I’m just managing expectations here.” She blushes again. “This dinner isn’t going to be what you’re used to.”

“Did you cook?”

“We helped, too!” Caroline quips, abandoning the Switch. “I cut up the sausages all on my own.”

“And I stirred the pasta,” Reagan adds.

Emma chuckles, sidling a little closer so she can whisper to me, “Don’t worry; that’s their dinner.

You’re getting something different.”

“Thank God. I was just about to walk out.” I wink so she knows I’m teasing.

Her smile grows wider and there’s that weird tremor in my chest that feels a little bit like a heart attack. Except it feels… good.

Josh comes out a second later, carrying the “canapés” on an off-shaped plate with a bunch of handprints painted all over it. I scan the room, realizing that all eyes are on me. So I make a show of trying one of the crackers.

“Wow.” I take my time to chew and savor, just like I would eating caviar at a restaurant. “That’s good.”

Reagan claps. “You like it?”

“I love it.”

Caroline starts jumping on the sofa while Reagan continues clapping. “We’re good cookers!”

Laughing, I grab another one just to make them happy. But the smile I most want to see is Emma’s. I’ve never seen her look quite so in her element. It’s almost a shame that I keep her so busy at the office when, clearly, this is where she’s meant to be.

“Girls!” Emma calls. “Let’s go put our flowers in some water. Josh, will you keep Ruslan company?”

Josh nods sheepishly while Emma herds the girls into the kitchen. He walks over to the sofa and sits down opposite me. Gingerly, he reaches for the gaming device the girls have abandoned.

There’s just something about this boy. Maybe it’s the sad brown eyes that make him seem so much older. Maybe it’s the fact that he’s more observant than talkative. Maybe it’s how, despite his size, he feels the need to protect Emma and the girls.

I can relate to him. And even with full-blown adults, that’s not something I feel often.

I gesture with my eyes to the canapé dish. “I like the plate.”

He shuffles his feet uncomfortably. “My mom made it in a pottery class when I was three. She had me dip my hands in paint to decorate it.” His voice dips low when he mentions his mother. “She died when I was five.”

My chest constricts. “I lost my mother a long time ago, too.”

He stops shuffling his feet. “Really?”

“Really. I was much older than you, though.”

“So you must remember a lot about her.”

If it were anyone else, I’d have cut this conversation off at the pass. But the usual melancholy in the boy’s eyes has receded somewhat. He actually looks engaged. Interested.

Dammit. I can’t not indulge him.

“I remember a lot, yes.”

Josh frowns. “That’s the problem. I don’t.”

“Maybe that’s a good thing,” I hear myself saying. “The more you remember, the more you’ll miss her.”

His expression ripples and his bottom lip pushes out. “I’m okay with missing her if it means I can remember more of her.”

Well, shit. This kid just might be braver than I am.

Giggles erupt all of a sudden and, a second later, Reagan and Caroline slide into the living room with matching grins.

“Bum-bum-BUM! Dinner is served!” Caroline announces.

“Heyyy!” Reagan places her hands on her hips and turns to her older sister. “That was my line.”

“Was not.”

“Was too!”

“Was not.”

“Was too!”

“Girls! Stop fighting and show Ruslan into the kitchen.”

The little pitbulls race toward me and they each grab a hand. They drag me into the kitchen with Josh trailing behind us, fighting a smile the entire time.

“Come sit next to me, Ruslan,” Caroline orders, pointing to a chair at the round table crammed in between the fridge and the stove.

“No! Sit next to me!” Reagan wheedles as she quite literally hangs off my arm.

Emma rolls her eyes and lets out a long-suffering sigh. “Girls, can we please be on our best behavior tonight?”

Both of them stop short and look at her as though she’s deeply offended them. “But we’re being so good!” Reagan insists.

Caroline nods effusively. “Super duper good.”

I nod, backing up the little hooligans. “I agree. They’re angelic.”

Reagan juts her chin out and braces her hands on her hips, the very picture of sass. I get the feeling this is a pose she strikes a lot. “See?”

Emma holds her hands up. “Alright, I can see I’m outnumbered. Ruslan can sit over here and you can both sit on either side of him. How’s that?”

By the time we’re all seated, it feels like we’ve achieved some semblance of peace. I can’t seem to stop smiling. Between Emma’s maternal clucking and the girls’ constant chatter and Josh’s stoic patience, this dinner is, as advertised, most definitely not what I’m used to.

So then why do I keep imagining myself amidst the pandemonium on a more frequent basis? Not as an outsider, like I am right now, but a member of this chaotic little tribe?

I need to get a fucking grip.

Talking about my mother, thinking about being a part of this family, wondering whether Emma’s going to walk into my office tomorrow and sit on my lap like she did today…

I mean, what the fuck is next? I’m gonna decide that knocking Emma up is the right move for her future and mine?

And just like that, I’m imagining a highchair wedged between Josh and Emma. A chubby little baby with her warm eyes and my dark hair.

What.