Cruel Paradise - A Mafia Romance Chapter 111

EMMA

Some silences are dangerous.

Like the one we’re in right now. Ruslan at the wheel, driving carefully so that he doesn’t wake the three sleeping children in the back. Me, picking at my nails and trying to fight the stupid, stubborn hope that’s resurfacing slowly no matter how many times I try to drown it.

That hope keeps saying stupid, stubborn things. Like, If we have to spend this month together, maybe, just maybe it will change something between us.

Maybe he’ll hear me out.

Maybe he’ll believe me.

And if he does those things, then maybe there doesn’t have to be a goodbye at the end of this month. Maybe there’s a chance I can tell him about this baby and we can raise it together like we planned.

Then again, you know what they say—the best-laid plans…

I’m not just blowing smoke here. I’m not creating a narrative out of nothing. He was the one who kissed me in the motel parking lot. You can’t fake passion like that.

Whenever I think Ruslan isn’t paying attention, I sneak a peek at this profile. Those damn cheekbones. They were made for great things. A man with a face like that can’t just be an ordinary guy. He can’t be a teacher or a plumber or a damn accountant.

I expect that we’re headed towards 48th Street. But the route Ruslan is taking points us in the direction of Madison.

The Inner Sanctum?

That’s surprising. And it fuels the hope that’s kindling in my gut. Sure, he cares about the kids—but maybe they’re the excuse he’s using to care about me, too?

Kirill helps Ruslan and me take the kids up to the penthouse. I follow the two men as they lead me through the labyrinth of rooms. One bedroom down the hall from the master has a huge, king-sized bed. We pile all three kids there and back out slowly.

Kirill disappears just as quietly as he came, but Ruslan stays behind. He stands by the floor-to-ceiling windows, scrolling through his phone and ignoring me completely.

But it’s enough that he’s here.

Even though I’m still mad at him and even though a part of me hates him for refusing to believe me, I’d rather him be here than leave us all on our own.

His oaky scent and his stabilizing presence make me feel somewhat relaxed, somewhat safe. I’ve spent the last few days obsessing about next moves and money and survival. It’s nice to know that, for the next month, I can lay my worries at his feet and he’ll take care of them.

Even if he doesn’t actually want to.

I tiptoe towards the window tentatively. Perhaps this is the beginning of a fragile truce. For the kids’ sake. It’s all for the kids’ sake.

All of the kids.

Including the one in my belly.

I’m not sure how much of my current thought process stems from the hormones and how much stems from the fear of being alone. All I know is that I do not want to be alone right now.

Ruslan puts his phone away and my heartbeat kicks up a notch. I feel like a shy tween at her first party, when the boy she has a crush on happens to bump into her and there’s a few minutes of real face-to-face contact.

“The security code is the same. I didn’t get a chance to change it since you were last here.” His voice is gruff. He speaks as though I was here years ago when it’s only been days.

“Okay.”

“You’re free to change the code if it makes you feel better.”

“What if you or Kirill need to come up here?”

“We’ll call you directly for the code. Just don’t text it to anyone.”

“I won’t.”

The apartment is eerily silent. Even though we’re both talking quietly, the sound carries, bridging the distance between us. He turns towards the main door and I feel the panic build.

Don’t go.

That weird, piercing discomfort in my belly is happening again. That would be an easy way to get him to stay. Telling him about the secret I’m carrying—quite literally.

No. That’s not what I want. That’s not what I should do.

“The fridge is stocked and so is the pantry.”

“You were expecting this?”

He frowns. “Of course not. This apartment is where I spend most of my time outside of the office. It’s stocked for me.”

“Oh.” My cheeks color instantly. “Right.”

“I’ll have Kirill bring more supplies in the morning. You can put together a list of all the things you might need and send it over to him.”

“I’m not sure he’ll appreciate playing errand boy.”

Those amber eyes flash to mine. “He’ll do whatever the fuck I expect of him. That is his job. Serving his pahkan.”

“Where will you go?” He raises his eyebrows and I start word vomiting all over him. “I mean, you need to sleep, too. And if this is where you spend most of your time, then—”

“I have half a dozen other properties in this city,” Ruslan says, cutting me off. “Any one of them will do.”

“Oh. Okay.” He makes another step towards the exit. “A-and how do I change the security code again?”

He shoots me an impatient glare. “Put in the old access code. Then put in the new code, followed by the pound key.”

“Okay. Six digits, right?”

“Yes.”

“Is there anything—”

“Emma.”

He doesn’t raise his voice but somehow, it feels like he has. My jaw snaps shut and, when he looks at me, it’s like he’s looking into me.

“Are you trying to waste my time?”

My heart thuds painfully against my chest. “No, of course not. I was just asking. I forgot.”

“No, you didn’t,” he growls, calling my bluff. “You’re trying to buy more time.”

I don’t even bother denying it because honestly, I already know I’m probably not gonna be very convincing. “I just—”

“Let me make something very clear.” His tone is biting and it makes me feel about this big. “Nothing has changed between us, Emma. You and I are not friends or coworkers or lovers. The only reason you’re here at all is because I refuse to let any harm come to those children on account of me. But as soon as the threat is gone, you will be, too. And I will be happier for it.”

Each word feels like a nail in my coffin. That kiss earlier was just a manipulation, a way to get me to listen to him.

Not gonna lie—it hurts.

I’m not the only one to blame here! I want to shout at his back. But the words are stuck somewhere between my heart and my throat.

They’re trapped, just like I am.

He steps into the elevator and turns around. His face is composed of hard lines and not a speck of compassion. “If you need anything, contact Kirill.”

The elevator doors close, leaving me to his cold, beautiful penthouse.

My bones ache with exhaustion. My head pounds with stress. But I’m positive I won’t be able to sleep just yet.

Which is how I find myself on the carpet in front of the windows, staring off into the city, trying to find the woman I used to be before I pulled the trigger on my own life.

Was it the day I’d signed the contract with Ruslan?

Or maybe it went back before then. Maybe it was the day that I applied for the job at Bane Corp.

A little voice inside my head says it doesn’t matter. None of it matters anymore. There’s no turning back time.

I lean back on one hand and place my other hand on my belly. So far, I’ve had no signs of pregnancy apart from that hospital sonogram. I don’t feel nauseous or bloated. It’s way too early for any movement.

And yet, I have never been more sure of anything. In a little over seven months, I will have a baby. And I will find a way to make it work. Just like I made it work with the other three children that I didn’t expect to mother.

Ruslan won’t be part of this child’s life and that’s on him. I’m gonna take my miracles where I get them and love this child for the both of us.

“It’s gonna be okay, little duckling.”

The term of endearment comes naturally to my lips. Sienna used to use it on me a long time ago, when I was still wetting the bed and crying out from night terrors.

It’s okay, little duckling. It’s gonna be okay.

I always wet the bed on nights that one of our parents got mad at us. I never stopped to wonder how Sienna felt on those nights. She was so busy mothering me that I simply took it for granted that she was okay.