Blood Legacy Chapter 112: 110. Wasting away

*This is fucking bullshit.* Why did I keep doing this, again?

It didn't make any sense. I was still exactly as tired and miserable as I'd been two weeks ago after magically appearing back in my bedroom as if nothing happened, with absolutely no sign of improvement. I was still sick. Lifeless. A sluggish and barely breathing waste of space. My heart was still shredded into thin ribbons. I was still bleeding out lifeforce. My will to live. I was still in mourning. Plagued by that same disease that kept stealing my nightly rest and even my will to exist, like a cancer slowly eating at me. Bit by bit. Piece by piece. I was slowly withering away. I could feel it.

And yet I was still coming back to this stupid wretched place every morning, taking that exact same seat before I lamented about until it was finally time to leave, day after day after day.

I didn't give a single flying fuck about what was happening around me. I didn't listen to our teacher's lessons, or my classmates' occasional rants. They didn't matter. None of it mattered. It was all just a waste of time and space. My entire life was just a waste of time and space now. It was all completely useless and I just wanted to crawl into a corner and simply die. Be over with this chaotic agony called life.

But it wouldn't let me.

I blew out a small sigh and tugged at the sleeve of my oversized hoodie, carefully hiding it away from any prying eyes. That rounded band of silvery metal cuffing my wrist, its weight and cooling touch on my skin a constant reminder of him. His imprint on my life. My memories.

I placed my hand in my lap and sunk back in my seat, struggling not to fall back into my own mind's trap and have myself fantasize about him all over again. His sexy smile, those demon-y black eyes. That forlorn and constantly craving look glinting in them. That mouth-watering scent of his.

I still had his hoodie hidden underneath my pillow. It didn't smell that much of him now but at least I could still imagine him holding me as I slept dressed in it almost every single night.

I was fucking pathetic. I knew that. But I couldn't bring myself to care. I was grieving, like a widow that had lost the love of her life and now was struggling to find sense into a world without...him.

The classroom continued to fill in all around me as I motionlessly sat there, blankly staring straight ahead from underneath my large and loose hood. It was my favorite type of dressing lately. I felt comfortable and concealed. Hidden away from any prying and curious eyes. I didn't want them to look at me. I didn't want them to see my bare and tired face. Those dark circles underneath my eyes. That constant redness rimming them after so many tears shed. I didn't need anyone's fucking pity and I certainly wasn't in the mood to listen to their stupid questions. I just wanted to be left alone.

But apparently, that was such an impossible thing to ask, seeing as that chair next to mine scraped yet again over the hardwooden floor, announcing the presence of another person.

I heard them take a seat and I turned my head to throw them a deprecating glower from underneath my hood, not surprised at all to notice Jess neatly arranging her things over the desk, looking as sweet and bubbly as ever. Her gaze however remained trained ahead, watching our teacher enter the classroom with a candid smile on her face.

I didn't miss those scornful glowers we received as the two wolfy girls we shared classes with passed our shared desk, showcasing their evident disapproval of Jess' seating choice. It was safe to say that after what I did and said to their leader that day, they kinda stopped liking me. They didn't feel all that thrilled about my miraculous return after I basically told their leader that they could all die and burn in hell for all I cared. Not to mention that my unexpected display of power kinda managed to freak them out as well. It kinda freaked me out too. Never in my entire life had I ever expected to be able to do what I did. Especially after all those wasted sessions with Darius trying to tap into my source of power and wield it, only to have it do the freaky dance with his and then go right back into its hiding nook.

It was...scary and weird, at best. I had this mysterious and powerful source of magic within me and I didn't know how wield it or even control it. It was kinda worrying because I didn't want to accidentally hurt the few people I cared about nowadays. What if I lost my temper after one of those occasional childish fights with my sister and threw her against a wall or something? I didn't want that to happen. I didn't want to hurt anyone. That was why I preferred to keep to myself. It was better this way. *Let them hate me.* It was only easier for me to keep my distance this way.

Unfortunately, Jess was the only one who kept refusing to get the hint and get lost, constantly following me around instead like a freaking faithful pet.

It was pissing me off. And I could tell that it was also starting to bother her mate, the guy trailing after us like a dark shadow whenever we exited a classroom or went to have our lunch break.

I was getting on everybody's nerves lately, including my ex-boyfriend's. They were vexed by my silence. My odd and distant behaviour. They've been trying to subtly question me, get an explanation out of me for this drastic and glaringly visible change I seemed to have gone through.

They tried to get it through my sister at first, but seeing as I vehemently kept refusing to tell her anything at all they resorted to other "more creative" ways, cornering me in bathrooms or deserted hallways in hopes of getting at least a reaction from me. They even made Nathan try to pry into my head through the bond but I instantly felt him and shut him out in response. And it's been like that for almost a week now. Radio silent. I could barely feel the faintest trace of that strong bond we once used to share. Well, not that I cared anyway, but ever since Darius touched me that day when he kidnapped me it was like he'd somehow managed to mute and even sever most of that connection Nathan and I shared, leaving it to hang by its tiniest thread. And now it threatened to shatter completely, seeing as I actually managed to block him out so easily. And his wolf too. I couldn't even feel their presence within me anymore. Only that faint and dusty trace of what used to link us so fiercely.

I couldn't help but feel so relieved about that though. I didn't want to have a connection with him anymore. Not after what he did to me. His conniving scheming and betrayal. He didn't deserve to have such a special bond with me. He deserved to rot in hell like I told him to. Him and my dad too, especially.