Love, curves and heartbreak Chapter 37

My hands were sweaty as I clutched my cellphone and stumbled toward the exit.

"Miss, are you okay?" asked the manager at the entrance, but I couldn't even answer, I just wanted to get out of this place. I didn't care if people were staring at me, I just had to get out of here.

Maybe I should act otherwise... but my desire to get out of there was inexplicable. All I could remember were the darkest moments of my life.

Every day of high school was hell. The screams, the names, the abuse came to mind. The worst part was the constant fear of not knowing what was going to happen the next day.

Waking up in the morning and crying. Would today be better? Or worse? And not having the strength to go on.

I came to a street with more movement, the lights of the cars made me dizzy, people talking... maybe I should call a cab or a car. I just wanted to be home, and forget this night forever.

When I can't take it anymore, and I feel like my legs are going to give out, I lean my back against the nearest street. I just close my eyes for a moment and try to breathe through the tears.

I focus on something, a good memory, like the sound of the waves, the beach, the smell of the sea, the sand under my feet. I slowly count one, two, three and more...trying to calm my breathing. Thinking that the danger, real or imagined, has passed.

That those times are over, I'm in the present. Now I am a Priscilla who graduated from high school, one who has friends, a job, who is doing well in life, one who is trying to accept herself as she is, it is not easy, but I try and...

"Priscilla!" I hear him yell in the distance and I don't answer. I tried to move to look for a taxi, but he reached me out.

"Prissy! Thanks God! Are you okay? I was so scared!" he says when he's next to me, his voice full of concern, but I don't have the strength to reassure him. He cupped my face and I had my eyes closed, but I could feel his breath fanning my face.

"Baby... is something wrong? Please talk to me," he tells me in a low voice, and I start to cry even more.

"What's wrong? Are you hurt? Please tell me what I can do to help you?"

I see him next to me with a worried look on his face, his eyes scanning me to see if I'm okay, but there are wounds that are definitely not visible. He also looks frightened.

I cover my face with my hands and sob. I really want to be alone, I don't want him to see me like this.

Suddenly he takes me by the arm and I open my eyes, everything is blurry, but he holds me tight, runs his hand down my back.

"Calm down, I'm here... everything is going to be okay" he whispers.

"Can you walk... let me get my car..." he says, but just to think to come back there... God... I freaked out again.

"No... please..."

"Just to get the car, baby... please..." he says.

I really want to get out of here so I consider that maybe is the best option, but when I move I felt so tired.

Without saying anything to me, he simply places one hand on my back and another behind my knees and carries me. I don't have the strength to alert him that I'm too heavy, again. But he carries me like it's nothing, back to the parking lot.

"We are almost there, Prissy... very close," he says to calm me down.

In a few minutes, I'm in the back of a car, his car, I guess. I immediately pull my knees up to my chest as best I can in this dress and try to calm down, resting my head on my knees.

I feel him restless beside me, whispering sweet words, caressing my arms, my back, brushing my hair away from my face.

When I'm better, I lift my face and wipe away the tears as best I can, sighing and feeling my chest still rising and falling, as if I'd run in a hurry, or as if I were completely frightened.

It seems he doesn't know whether to talk to me or not, I stare at a fixed point in the car, the front seat, the smell, the softness of the furniture. I was very happy about my dinner today, even excited at the end.

"Talk to me baby. Do you want me to take to the hospital?" he asks me and I turn to him.

He takes my hand and gives me a gentle kiss on the back. Then he brings it to his cheek and brushes it against the back of my hand, as if he needs to calm down, too.

"I'm just... need a moment" I reply.

"You scare me to death, Prissy. From one moment to the next you ran away without explanation and I... I didn't know what to do. I ran after you and I lost you. Not only that, but I thought something terrible had happened...or...or that something could happen to you, alone and out there in the state you were in," he tells me in a low voice.

I look at him and nod. I understand, I know I must have looked like a crazy person, but I couldn't think clearly.

"How can I help you?" He says, still holding my hand in his.

I really don't want to explain it to him, but, well, it will come sooner or later. Better now and get out of here. If he doesn't want to see me after that, even better.

He must have been very embarrassed in the restaurant. The chubby girl running away from such an attractive man! I should be grateful that he invited her. For a few seconds, I thought about how to explain this.

"Remember when I told you I had health problems in high school?" I ask, and he nods.

"Lily told me... but didn't give me details..." he says with a painful expression.

"Well, it's true, only it wasn't anything physical or that I was sick.

I... suffered from panic attacks" I tell him.

He listens attentively and doesn't seem to reject me or say the usual comments... "What nonsense! You're making it up! How ridiculous! Or you are weak! So I don't feel embarrassed, on the contrary, it encourages me to go on.

"I... suffered from severe bullying at school. In the beginning I was just invisible to everyone, not taken into account, some made jokes about me, but it was no big deal. But after... after you left and then after my sister and Lily left, it got noticeably worse" I say, and I see that his expression is serious. He closes his eyes for a few seconds.

"Lily said...I... I thought it was something temporary, that maybe it wasn't that serious," he says in a low voice. I shake my head. When I speak again, I swallow hard and hear my own voice trembling.

"It was every day. People yelled at me, call me names. When I spoke in class, when I didn't speak, all day... it was horrible, in the gym, in sports. In the hallways, they bullied me, they pushed me, they shouted at me, they threw me to the ground. I had no friends didn't go to school dances, I didn't sign up for any activities. I was a shadow. S-sometimes they would throw things at me, one time on the way home they threw g-glass bottles at me that... luckily they didn't hit me" I tell him, and he is visibly upset.

"Phil was one of them? His group too? " His expression is dark. I nod.

"I'm going to kill that bastard" he mumbles furiously and opened the other door, but I stop him and grab his arm.

"No, no... please... that was a long time ago, he shouldn't even remember me, let alone what happened..." I reply, and he's in shock.

"But Prissy, they got away with it, tortured a person's life and went on as if nothing had happened! I have to teach them a lesson! Those assholes!" He says aloud, I've never seen him like this, I hold him tighter.

"If you do... it'll be worse. I was fine because no one remembers that time, they've forgotten me. Those days are over... school is over. We are adults. If you talk to him, he would remember and... then I won't be able to live in peace"

"Prissy but..."

"Please... listen to me. I would think that I will find them in every corner and... I will live in fear again. And I fought a lot to be at least relatively calm... to try to get over it" I say, and he calms down.

He's still angry, and I know he wants to ask me more questions, find out more details, find out more about what happened, but he doesn't say anything and I don't want to talk about it anymore.

He obviously doesn't know what to do, I just sit there in silence, head down, suddenly embarrassed by my story, even though it wasn't my fault, I literally didn't do anything.

How I wish he will tell me that he will take me home and that this is over, that he is embarrassed to go out with me again, a real loser. I think it would be a relief, I know this will happen from one moment to the next. It will be over soon.

Why prolong the agony? It's like a horror movie, waiting for the monster or the clown to suddenly come out and end the suffering.

"Come here..."

But what he does next surprises me, he pulls me forcefully into his arms and positions me on his lap, my legs dangling to the side. He hugs me tightly and rests his chin on my head while kissing my hair, stroking my back and saying sweet words to me.

"it Is all right... you are safe now..."

The reality is that I am so comfortable with him so close... and I feel so contained, so supported, so safe in his arms that... cowardly I don't want to move, I want him to continue to comfort me, to feel appreciated, just for once. At least for a few minutes in my life.

No one has ever supported me, my sister... well, is terrible. My mother didn't know what to do, she just told me to go to school. The teachers and other people turned a blind eye.

"That's why you said you almost dropped out of school... that you almost didn't graduate" he says, and I nod. He seems to keep thinking.

"It seemed strange to me, you were always a good student and good. God, Prissy, I didn't think it was that bad. A few minutes ago you were pale, trembling, suffering... I thought you were sick or something really terrible had happened" he says, still caressing me, holding me, leaving soft kisses on my hair while he combs it with his fingers.

"I can't imagine how you must have felt... I'm so sorry, Prissy... I'm sorry you had to go through that. I'm also sorry I left and couldn't help you... being with you... I shouldn't have left like that," he says, and I feel my heart skip a beat and my breath quicken.

Then it hits me.

What he just said made me realize... now I don't have any doubts.

He is completely unaware of the part he has had in this. He has no understanding of the harm he has caused me.