Love, curves and heartbreak Chapter 60

"Prissy... baby... please," I hear him call as I hurriedly walk to my car. My sister just stood there without answering, and I doubt she even cares. But Ethan is still insistent, literally running up to me and standing in front of me.

"Please... talk to me," he says, and I try to avoid him. "I need you to listen to me," he is almost begging. "Don't go like this, please. Let me at least explain what happened," he tells me.

I remember all the times he wanted to talk, and I didn't give him a chance, so I nod, wiping my tears. He leads me by the hand into the building, toward his apartment. He looks anxious, and I keep trying to calm down. As we walk through the door of his apartment, I face him.

"You knew," is the only thing I say to him. He looks conflicted; he knows I'm right. There's no way he can deny it—I heard it all. "I thought you had forgotten... I thought I was so insignificant to you that you had forgotten what you said that day to your friends."

"You have never been insignificant to me... and you never will be, Prissy," he tells me. I look into his eyes, but I'm so disappointed.

"Since when did you know? You knew and never told me." He sighs and looks embarrassed. I see him swallow hard, looking at me with pleading eyes.

"That time at your house, when you told me the nicknames you had... I couldn't believe it. I had threatened Frank and the others to never repeat what I said about you. I said that you were my sister's friend and that I didn't want to hurt you. But obviously, it didn't help, and my words caused exactly what I was trying to avoid," he confesses, looking at me with sad eyes.

"Lily's friend... not your friend," I say sadly. "You were ashamed to say I was your friend, right?" I feel a pang of pain.

"Priscilla... it was a difficult time. I was going to college... and I know that's no excuse, but I was a stupid teenager."

"I heard everything, Ethan... your reasons were very convincing. You broke my heart. You were very important to me, and hearing those words reinforced all my insecurities. And besides, you knew for months what your actions did to me, and you didn't say anything, not even try to apologize," he looks lost and sad. It seems that he wants to get closer to me, but I take steps back.

“Prissy... those kids were mean with bad intentions. They take advantage of girls, especially at the ball. I didn't want something bad to happen to you; that's why I said what I said. I never thought badly of you... quite the opposite. You're everything to me."

"And I'm so important to you, as you say... that you hadn't even told me about your promotion. You are leaving, Ethan. Everyone in the office knows it, and I had no idea," I exclaim, raising my voice a little. Ethan looks surprised, his face slowly turning red, and he looks nervous.

"I was just trying to fix everything first so I could speak to you. But I was going to tell you for sure... you have to believe me. I didn't want to leave you aside," he says, begging me.

"Were you going to break up with me? Were you thinking of just leaving without saying anything?" I ask in a low voice. I look at him and take a deep breath as if to gain strength before speaking again.

"I... I've always known I'm out of your league. But I got carried away and thought... or rather hoped, that things would be different." My voice sounds anguished, and my hands tremble as I speak. I feel horrible, like my heart literally aches.

"Priscilla, it's not what I think of you, never in my life," he starts, but I interrupt him again.

"Am I just your toy that you're tired of playing with? Was I just one more girl for you to have fun with?" He looks shocked.

"What you're saying doesn't make sense! I have always treated you well and have the utmost respect for you. I would never hurt you like that!" His voice is rising, and this is turning into an argument.

"It's not what your actions say, Ethan," I say almost whispering. "I think that is very clear. Maybe you just wanted to be with someone ordinary like me, someone to have fun with and then leave," I tell him nervously.

"Play with you? I would never do that! Who do you take me for? Priscilla, you're saying things I've never said!” he says, raising his voice, and I take a couple of steps back.

"I knew this wasn’t going to work. I knew from the beginning, and a part of me, a rather naive part, thought that we could figure it out together. You had hurt me in the past, but we could get over it. And I did it because of what I felt for you. I had never felt close to someone in my life," I say almost without voice.

I see how his eyes soften, as if he liked hearing that no one had made me feel like that. I would like to say that I spoke seriously and confidently, but the truth was I was a bundle of nerves, my hands were shaking, and my voice must sound horrible.

"So I took a risk, put my whole heart into it, and gave it my best, with a lot of fear and insecurity, with a lot of doubt, even knowing that I was going to end up broken. Maybe I should have been more objective, but I fell in love with you and prayed that you would see me that way too” I say, and he looks hopeful.

"I'm not good at showing my feelings or interpreting others', especially yours. Not that that's an excuse, you deserved better from me. You have made my life different. Without realizing it, you occupied a stellar place in my life. You have changed my world completely, Prissy. You challenged my ideas, and because of that, I think I am a better man. I would be happy to have a different future... if that future includes you. I was going to ask you to come with me or figure out what we could do. You have to believe me," I am speechless. A part of me is really dying to be with him, and the other cannot forgive.

"I don't ask you to forget what happened in the past. I only ask that you allow me to show you what you mean to me. A new opportunity. Give me an opportunity to show that we can be together, that we deserve to be together. Please," I sigh nervously.

"Ethan, I will always remember those wonderful times with you. You will always be someone important to me. But I don't know if I can forgive, and I don't know if I can believe in you again," I start to say in a low voice, and he quickly interrupts me.

"Tell me what I have to do to prove it to you. There has to be something that I can do. Ask me for whatever you want. I won't hesitate to give it to you. I'm not going to leave like this. I need to know there is something I can do," he tells me desperately.

I can't live knowing that he's going to show up at any moment, receiving his messages, looking for me. I know that I would easily fall into his arms in a few days. And I would be happy for a while until reality crashes down on us again and the doubts, regrets, and shame return.

Besides, he's going to Europe to continue with his successful life. I'm not included there, no matter how much he says he was going to tell me. He is far from me.

"If you really care about me," I tell him, and he quickly adds.

"Baby, I'll do whatever you ask me," he tells me with a broken voice of emotion, he even looks hopeful.

"Please, let me go," I tell him in a very low voice. He looks at me incredulously, but it's the best for both of us.

"I need to continue with my life, and I will not be able to do it if you are there in every corner, reminding me of all this, everything that happened. I need to heal and stop feeling miserable with myself. I need to be at peace."

"Prissy, I beg you to think about this for a couple more days," he tells me in denial.

"That's the only thing I ask you. If you care about me, will you help me be happy? You can't imagine how complicated my life has been, one fight after another. I just want to have a quiet life," now I am the one who begs him.

He stays silent, not knowing what to do. He looks at me desperately, but I know I caught him in his own words. If you really love someone, you will do what is best for that person, not for yourself. And I already told him that the best thing for me now is to be without him. I can tell he's devastated.

"If it's what you want, I promise I won't bother you anymore," he swears, looking at the ground, defeated.