Love, curves and heartbreak Chapter 39

I didn't contact him, of course. I disappeared like a coward. I can't even look at him.

In the office... well, that was a problem.

"Prissy... are you okay? Please talk to me..." he said at the first chance he had me close. And believe... I tried to hide as much as I could.

"I just need time..." I said and he nods.

"As much as you need..." he replies. Oh boy... he don't know what he said. I need like... forever? I can't forgive him, at all.

The next days...he was a gentleman, didn't pressure me, didn't insist, didn't bother me. He just looked sad and concerned.

Sometimes he sends me simple messages. My meetings with Lily continued, sometimes he was there, sometimes he wasn't. But he gives me space, as I asked.

As time passed, I was in a better mood, like everything in this life, our moods are temporary, even sadness disappears. Everything really has a beginning and an end.

"I'm glad you're feeling better, Prissy, I really am. Would you like to go out? Or I could come to your house right now… if you want" he calls me one day, we were talking something about work... and he changes quickly to personal matters.

"It's just that... I need to think, clear my head... I need more time" I answer and hear a deep silence on the other side.

"Prissy... do you think we will meet again? Like together? To be together? Please... be honest with me," he asks me, and it is as if he has confirmed all my fears.

"Do you want us to finish our deal?" I ask.

"No! Of course not!" he says raising his voice, "I don't want to stop seeing you, but... it's not just me, we're in this together and I know you've always had doubts. I don't want to make you feel bad, on the contrary" he says seriously.

"I know... I think I have to think about what I'm going to do, with myself. There are a lot of things I have to sort out" I explain and after a few more comments the call ends.

I sit down on my couch and let out a big sigh. I hate this kind of conversation, especially with him. Besides, I would like to go back to the way my life was before... and yet being with him was exciting, passionate, something different.

Not only was he my teenage dream, but this deal certainly took me out of my comfort zone, it was a nice surprise. To feel accompanied was something strange for me, to have someone close to me, aware of my day, my life. Damn! Who am I kidding? It felt wonderful!

I had been alone for so long, with a very small social circle, that I think I had forgotten what it means to have someone. A close person who cares about you, who wants to know how your day went, who asks if you ate, if you're tired, if you had a dream last night, or who sends you a photo or a meme of something that reminds them of you.

“It's because you are more than that…” Suzy told me one night when I seem to have my head in the clouds.

“What do you mean?” I ask and she rolled her eyes.

“You are definitely more than just sex buddies. My god! Everyone can see it clear as a day!” she express.

“Suzy I just…”

“He cares about you, okay? I know he did awful things in the past, and believe me… I can't even forgive him. But… he is important to you. He changes your life. He is someone important in your life, Right here, right now” she adds.

“So… what should I do?” I ask lost.

“Talk to him… discuss, yell, fight. You need to know his version, his apologies and then…”

“And then…”

“Rebuilt. See what happens” she replies taking a sip of her wine.

Sounds easy, but isn't. But she is true. And the truth is awful.

He felt like the partner I never had, because even though we were not formally dating, he was more attentive and considerate than my previous boyfriends.

And even though I didn't want to admit it, it was completely true.

The days passed, and I continued to focus on my work, a very important delivery had to be made and in a few weeks we would be in Seattle for the final assembly of the design.

The client asked for advances and I had a hard time understanding what was needed, he wanted to change everything all the time, over and over again. He had something to say, something he didn't like, but without clearly expressing what it was. Clark said that clients usually do not know what they want and often do not even know what they need.

“Are you in trouble, Priscilla? Don't tell me that you run out of ideas? Our star designer” Kate adds with irony in a meeting when I explained our process.

“I just need time..” I said.

“That is exactly what you don't have…” she says malicious.

“I'm sure Priscilla can make it work… and you can also help her“ Clark adds, and I see he saw Ethan out of the corner of her eye.

Of course, she wasn't helping at all, and her ideas weren't very clear. She always said that it was not a question of inspiration, but of hard work, as if she wanted to imply that I sat all day with my arms crossed and did nothing.

I spent a couple of days racking my brains over it, almost exclusively. In several meetings, we all tried to come up with the best idea, to no avail. It went from a simple project to a complicated one in a matter of days. It was ridiculous.

I see that Ethan was trying to get closer to me, but he immediately took a step back, as if hesitating, regretting, keeping his word, giving me space.

Then, one day I received a surprise package at the warehouse the following days. It didn't say who it was from, it was just addressed to me.

"For me?"

"Yes Miss... please leave your sign here..." the guy said and when he handed it to me.

Of course, he couldn't tell me what it was or who sent it to me. There was only one way to find out, and that was to open it.

Inside the box were several books, all related to interior design, some about art, many of which I had dreamed of owning, some from European publishers, others from Asia, all wonderful.

It was like a treasure chest, only instead of being made of wood, it was made of cardboard, and instead of gold coins and jewels, it was filled with pages of wonderful pictures and illustrations.

In addition to the books, a small plain white envelope fell out. On the back, there was a single word written, it simply said "Princess".

It was obvious who it was from. I opened it with trembling fingers, and in a handwriting that was beginning to look familiar to me, it was written.

Princess,

It is said that when inspiration does not come to us, we must meet it halfway. I know that you have worked tirelessly and that the solution to the problem is in your hands, in your mind, and in your imagination. I meet you halfway, even if we don't see each other in person, I want you to know that I am close to you. There are many ways to be together, and you can always count on me.

Always, your knight.

Ethan... is always him. I feel my heart overflowing with happiness and I can't find the words to thank him.

Suddenly I found myself sitting with all the books scattered on the floor, going through several pages at a time and getting several ideas that I quickly wrote down in my notebook, almost afraid that they would get away.

Of course, I worked hard. I thought about my ideas when I ate, when I bathed, when I went to sleep. And little by little the inspiration he was talking about came to me.

When I wasn't thinking about the project, I was thinking about him. I missed him, and now I thought about it openly, without excuses. I missed him terribly, and the idea did not surprise me at all. Suzy was right.

Not only because of his gift and his very personal detail, which gave me exactly what I needed. These books gave me ideas, but they also gave me support. And so did he. He was.... truly special.

After being alone for so long, I had gotten used to not having anyone. Suddenly I remember what it was like to be with him. How strange it is to suddenly receive a message from him, just asking me how I am, sending me a picture of a croissant he ate, or recommending a movie.

I missed him so fucking much. What can I do?

I smile when I hear the message and when I see that it is his name, I get excited. I can't help but check my phone every moment to see if he's texting me. I even wanted to see him at the office.

It is obvious that, as much as I did not want to admit it... Ethan Fairfax is bringing happiness into my life. My life was sad, mundane, boring... a continuous struggle.

And him... bring excitement. Not just amazing sex, but caring, consideration, kindness, once I let him, once I let him come closer to me. When I let him be in my life.

How can be blind to this?

Just knowing that he wants to be close to me gives me an emotion I can't decipher. Joy? Fear? Although we have seen each other, we continue to be together, differently.

"I want you to know that I am close to you. There are many ways to be together," he had written to me, and it is true.

Even though he hurt me, maybe without knowing it. I didn't give him a second chance, I didn't even explain the situation well, and I promised to tell him, but not now. I couldn't keep fooling myself, it didn't make sense. Am I wrong here?

Besides, we all make mistakes, and I have made many, and so has he. It's ironic that I spent so much time thinking about getting away from him, and now that I have him far away... I can't forget what it was like to have him close.

Ethan touching me, listening to me, talking to me. Now I just thought that I was more and more ready to let him into my life, completely.

He destroyed my life... and now, can he fix it?