Love, curves and heartbreak Chapter 59

That's it. Here came the end of this bubble of happiness. We all have a malicious voice that leads us to sad, demeaning, unusual, and gray thoughts. You already know this voice in my head is particularly mean and heartless. That voice told me that everything has a beginning and an end. Priscilla, what did you think? That everyone would end up happily ever after?

I focus on the discussion taking place in front of me. What am I going to do? I really want to run away, not see him anymore, escape from this situation, as my instincts told me at the beginning.

And I thought this would be my year. Silly. Stupid. Naive Priscilla, I told myself again and again. Always running, fleeing from what goes wrong, from what doesn't turn out as I expected.

After spending a few seconds listening, I wish I hadn't come here. Reality is very harsh, especially when you hear it so clearly and directly from the protagonists themselves, without leaving the slightest doubt, the slightest hope that something may not be real, that perhaps it was a misunderstanding, that there was a misinterpretation. It's not the case here; reality slapped me loud and clear as I listened to Ethan and my sister arguing.

"I can't believe this is happening," he says with a hand on his face. He looks disheveled, stressed, anxious, and worried.

"We're in this together," she says, annoyed. He's surprised and stares at her.

"Together? No, no… no way," he says, annoyed and offended.

"Unfortunately, yes, Ethan," says my sister insistently.

"There is no way. What you did…" he starts, but she speaks louder.

"What I did? Ethan… you told the worst boys in school, your friends back then actually… that she was a chubby, dumb girl that no one would date. That she was disgusting, that she was a loser, and you made her the joke of high school. That was what you did, on purpose… but you will never accept it… you always want to be the good guy, Mr. Perfect!" Caroline exclaims, and he approaches her in a rage.

"How can you say that?" he growls under his breath, his expression hard and incredibly tense.

"Do you deny it? Do you really dare to deny it?" asks my sister, convinced. He stares at her for seconds as if thinking very carefully about what he is going to say.

"No, I don't deny it... but you know very well why I did it," he says clearly and loudly.

For a few seconds, I was just frozen. I heard nothing but a noise like radio interference in my ears. It's not that what Ethan was saying was new… but it was a cruel confirmation: he knew it, he always knew it.

He kissed me and slept with me and knew what he had done to me. He was aware of the damage he did to me.

All the awful things he said…. he was my friend then, and now we were more than friends, and he had done that to me, knowingly. The worst part is that I thought all that too, doubting myself, a stupid teenager who didn't fit into this world... only that he reaffirmed it to me.

Nothing is worse than hearing all your insecurities from another person, and from someone you love, who is so important to you, whose word is so relevant.

"Of course! Ethan… always so perfect!" my sister answers wryly, and he has a tense jaw and responds with hate.

"And you? You are her sister… How could you?" he says with fury and pain.

Caroline pretends to be calm, she almost looks offended, but she's nervous, taking her necklace around her neck, playing with the pendant between her fingers.

What does Ethan say? What does Caroline have to do with all this? It's not that she has been an angel in my life, she has never supported me, but here… the culprit is Ethan, I heard his words myself years ago.

And right now he just confirmed it. I don't understand what Caroline has to do with all this, but something tells me she's not totally innocent.

"I... I didn't…" she says, pretending to be calm.

"I talked to Frank, Caroline, I already told you."

"You can't believe everything Frank says! That was years ago! He was a dumb boy who will say anything to get on your good side, surely he still idolizes you!" she says nervously, as if defending herself. He shakes his head as if trying to contain himself.

"No… I spoke with him directly, I followed him for days, I demanded that he explain to me how everything happened... he confessed that he told you what I said. I threatened him when we were at school, to never get close to Priscilla, to never hurt her, to never tell anybody about what I said then. But, he thought that since you were his sister... you weren't going to say anything, that you wouldn't hurt her! What a fool he was! What a fool I was myself! Thinking that I had everything solved, and you were the first person who started bullying Priscilla, the one who encouraged everyone to do it," he says, desperately yelling at her.

"I don't…" she says, almost trembling, her facade of security totally down.

"How could you? You saw all the damage you did, day after day. I didn't know! I wanted to know about her, but I was in college and Lily… told me some things, but I never imagined that something like this had happened! This is serious!" he says walking from one side to another and then staring at her.

Caroline is anguished, but she doesn't say anything else.

"She didn't study anymore, Caroline! I myself saw how she had a panic attack just by looking at Frank! You knew it," he claims, very close to her. Caroline returns to defend herself.

"She was a fool! Weak! A loser! She was almost begging for it! You didn't see her as she was! And well... boys are boys… and… and it was part of how high school works... some girls were popular and others weren't. It's part of life! That's how it is, and she had to learn it! Don't pretend to be naive!" My sister now says, taking out everything she has inside.

"You have no shame, Caroline! You are a bitch with your own sister!" he yells at her and turns around as if trying to control himself.

"And you… you also did your part, you ruined it… Don't blame everything on me. And if I saw her badly… but I couldn't do anything," she confesses, trying to calm down, as if exempting herself from guilt.

"Why do you hate her so much? Priscilla never hurt you!" he says, staring at her almost with contempt.

"Because… because… everyone preferred her… your parents, Lily, even my mom… everyone seems to have a soft spot for Priscilla. Little Prissy! That manipulative bitch! Pretending to be a victim so that everyone feels sorry for her. But deep down, she believes she is better than the others. Even you... you couldn't stop looking at her... I realized it since I was little. Back then I did everything to be noticed by you, but you only had eyes for chubby Priscilla with her silly games, her delusions, with her too big dreams. And you pleased her in everything! You still do!"

I can't believe it… Caroline. I always knew she hated me, but I never imagined it to such an extent. Furthermore, I had never heard her speak like that. Also, I never imagined that she was jealous or envious. I never believed that I was either special or a dreamer, nor spoiled. Is this her perspective of things?

There is a point of view for everything and everyone. But here I was, listening in silence as two people who were important to me, part of my little circle, ripped me apart. They hurt me, and they kept doing it, for different reasons, valid for each one.

I can't take it anymore.

"Caroline… is that true?" I ask with a low voice coming out of my hiding place, and both are astonished. I can see the horror on their faces, my sister even gives a small jump of fright. Her made-up face wrinkles and her ever-perfect pose falls. They both know that I have discovered them, that I have unmasked them.

"Prissy... what are you doing here?" asks Ethan, worried, but I ignore him. My focus is on her.

"Is all this true? Did you... did you spread those rumors? Did you encourage them to bully me?... All these years?" I ask her, and she looks at me with horror. I guess it's easier to do everything on the sly, behind the backs of others. It's not so pleasant when people face you.

"I just… Frank told me, and it was very funny at the time… and then I couldn't control it… then the whole school knew… I can't control a whole school!" she says with doubt, without assuming guilt, then she is tense and turns to Ethan.

"But Ethan… he was the one who said it first, the one who started, he said that you were fat as a pig and that nobody was going to love you! He encouraged your nicknames and all the bullying at the school!" Caroline says, pointing with his finger, his hand extended towards him in order to divert my attention to him. Not because she's afraid I'll find out the truth, but to defend herself.

"I know... I was there that day... I heard everything," I say, looking at them. Caroline is surprised... Ethan is stunned with his mouth open and eyebrows raised.

"I know... I've known for years," I recognize sadly looking at the ground suddenly.

"Baby…." He says, approaching me, but I take a step back.

"What I didn't know was that you had something to do with it. I know that Frank was the one who started and you... you were going out with him that year... everything fits. Caroline, I know you hated me, you always had negative feelings towards me... but I never, ever imagined you were capable of something like this. You... you saw me suffer, all these years... you saw me give up, depressed, wanting to disappear from the world... and not only did you never confess... not only did you not help me, but... just the opposite," I tell her, swallowing hard and feeling tears fall from my eyes. She fights back; she certainly doesn't like to look like the bad guy.

"And you knew what was happening, and you didn't do anything to improve! You were a nerd, lonely, who didn't even go on a diet!" she begins to say with disdain.

"I was just a girl, Caroline… a kid. You continued to mistreat me… you decided to do it… day after day… pushing Lily away so that no one would help me, so that I had no one to lean on… you condemned me, fully aware of what you were doing. Just because… because I was the soft spot of others? I admired you, Caroline, when we were kids. But I see that I was simply a disability to you," I say between tears and with a broken voice.

Caroline doesn't say anything, she just stands there, hugging herself, holding her own arms. I don't know if she doesn't want to tell me anything or doesn't even know what to say. It doesn't matter if she admits her mistakes or not, I now see her clearly as she is, someone who was never on my side and never will be. If possible, she will be on the opposite side.

"Prissy..." says Ethan, approaching me, and I step back. "Let's talk, my love."

"I'm not your love… and I don't want to see you again,"