Love, curves and heartbreak Chapter 65

The Fairfaxes argued with Ethan, who continued to explain our situation. It was harder than I could have imagined.

A home is a place you can return to, and I believed I could always return to them, that they would welcome me with open arms.

The fact that they wanted me in their family made me feel an indescribable happiness. I had always felt out of place, alone, but they always wanted me to be with them.

Now I understood their insistence that I visit their home, their reluctance to see me go. It all made sense. But I already had plans that, for the first time, put me at the top of my priorities.

I didn't want to give up those plans, this change in my life. Tommy hugged me and left so I could talk to Ethan alone.

"Well, I guess that's all," I said nervously. "Thanks for everything you've done for me. I know you helped me a lot with my career and I really appreciate it." I looked up at him. Ethan looked as nervous and dejected as ever.

"It's the least I could do. It was a privilege. And it was a pleasure to be with you during those wonderful days. I will never forget them, Prissy," he said with a hoarse voice and an almost trembling hand as he cupped my cheek sweetly.

I had forgotten how good his hands felt. His touch was amazing and weakened my resolve.

"I knew you quit your job, but Clark didn't give me any details. He was affected by your departure, Prissy. It seems your departure leaves a void in everyone," he said, stroking my cheek with his thumb.

"I must say you are incredibly brave and make everyone proud." He tried to smile.

"Once you told me it was never too late to study, to get what I want," I said, trying to break the sadness. He gave me that wry grin I loved.

"It's never too late to get what your heart desires. You especially will achieve anything you want," he said with a sigh. "If you need help finding a job, a reference, or anything else, please don't hesitate to let me know."

"Ethan, I..." I started, but he cut me off.

"I promised not to bother you or get in your way, Princess, but don't ask me to stop worrying about you, okay? I want to help you, Prissy. I will always watch over you until my last breath. Do you understand? You are... you mean so much to me" His words made me cry, tears streaming down my face.

I feel stupid, sad, happy, everything.

"Ethan, why are you doing this?" I asked.

Just when I was trying to have a better life, he told me all these beautiful things, words I wished I had heard before. He cupped my cheeks with both hands.

"Now do you understand how important you are to me? You know that everything that's happened is my fault, and I'm not going to stop trying to fix it. No matter how hard I try, I can't stay out of your life. You are my everything, Priscilla. You have been my everything for a long time now," he said desperately.

"Ethan, things happen. It wasn't all your fault. You couldn't have foreseen all of this. I have made peace with the past and I forgive you. You had your reasons and now you have a new life. I want you to be happy too. You deserve it," I told him, stroking the hands that held me.

For a few seconds I wanted to kiss him, to beg him to be with me. I wanted to hold his hand and ask him to go to the beach, right now. I had a crazy feeling that he would accept without a doubt, that he would say "Hell yes!" and laugh with me.

By this time tomorrow, we could be walking on the beach, waking up together in the morning, making love at night, whispering silly things in bed, together, touching and kissing.

But I'd be the usual fool, the one who gives up her dreams, who doesn't think about her well-being. He has a new life ahead of him and I need a new life too.

"I will always be here for you. You will always have a place here if you want to come back. But for now, I just ask you not to push me away completely," he said. I knew I should tell him to leave me alone, but I couldn't.

"I don't want us to be strangers again. Just write to me from time to time," he asked, worried.

He would never be a stranger to me. He has a place in my heart forever. I couldn't help but hug him and stay with him for a while, cradled in his arms.

He received me happily as I laid my head on his chest. Then, almost by force, I parted from his arms, his smell, his affection, evrything beautiful things that Ethan means to me.

The last few days have been incredibly sad. The goodbyes to Suzy, my mother and Tommy were anything but happy. We cried until our eyes were swollen.

Tommy shared some good news that lifted my spirits. After I left, he approached Ethan to talk about me, everything that had happened between us, and how it had affected us both.

Tommy, always the caring soul, tried his best to comfort Ethan. In a moment of vulnerability and honesty, my beautiful friend confessed to Ethan that he was gay.

I can imagine the tension in the air, but Ethan, true to his kind and understanding nature, just hugged him tightly. They cried together for a while, tears of happiness and newfound closeness streaming down their faces. It was a cathartic moment for both of them.

They made peace, bridging the gap that had once existed between them, and are now dear cousins, closer than ever.

I was so happy for them! Hearing this was the best news I could have hoped for; it brought a sense of relief and joy to know that, amidst all the chaos and heartache, something beautiful had emerged.

My departure came, and the first days in Seattle were as exciting as they were difficult. Everything was new and I had to get used to everything from scratch. I looked for a job, found a small apartment at a good price, and began to organize my things.

It was the first time I lived alone and I was scared. Time passed, and I got a job in a restaurant while continuing to send out resumes and contact the companies Clark mentioned.

At night, I was tired and had a lot to think about. I really wanted to rest, but one recurring thought kept haunting me - him.

I thought I was far away from Ethan, but he was still in my mind. It was as if I couldn't detox from him. Ethan was in my system, present, anchored in every cell of my body, and my mind couldn't let go of him.

Almost every night, I succumbed to the weakness of writing him to tell him that everything was fine. He usually replied immediately. We would chat for a few minutes before I turned off my cell phone.

We talked about simple things when I really wanted to know what he was doing or if he was with someone. He didn't post photos of himself on social media, not of his food, his friends, or anything from his new life there, far away.

He is the kind of private person who doesn't post anything trivial, who doesn't show off to others. At most, he posts something related to his work.

Every night, as I looked at his photos, little thoughts made me think about what had happened between us. As if my body wasn't tired enough from working all day, instead of getting some much-needed rest, I was thinking about him.

Should I contact him? Should I drop everything and go back to him?

At other times, my mind filled with horrible images of him dating beautiful European girls.

I knew it was only a matter of time before I would hear from his family, or Lily, or my mother, that he was living an extremely happy life over there, that he had a successful girlfriend, or that he had moved into a beautiful house.

Or maybe, that he had finally married the woman of his dreams. And I would cry like an idiot again.

On the worst nights, I would stare at his old photos, studying his face, his hair, his features, remembering the texture of his hands and his delicious perfume.

The only thing I could think about, or rather wish for, was that one day I would wake up and forget all about him. That I would go on with my life without him, that I would be successful and that he would be happy.

That one day I could chat with him, receive his messages as if he were just another friend.

So many times I replayed in my head the last words I had said to him that day at Lily's baby shower, and I suffered as a true masochist:

"I wish you the best of luck in Europe and that you find what you want," I told him as I walked to the door and saw him for the last time, his dirty blond hair, his brown eyes, his features I loved so much.

Then I turned my back on the only man I had ever loved, the man of my dreams, the owner of my hopes, my ideal man, and I did not want to think of his name again.

Ethan.