Love, curves and heartbreak Chapter 38

I was shocked. I have struggled to give him the benefit of the doubt. But this... I just can't believe it.

It can't be... that he's such a good actor. But for what purpose?

"Prissy... what happened?" I feel fear again and start struggling to get away from him. Ethan is surprised and helps me back to the seat, confused by my change.

"Really? You are unbelievable..." I immediately open the door and start to walk away.

"Baby... where are you going?" He says worriedly

"Priscilla!"

"I have to go," I say, and he grabs my arm.

"Stop! What happened?"

"Let me go... I don't want to be here..." I beg, letting go of his grip, he looks hurt.

"You were quiet... getting better... and suddenly..."

"I don't need to explain myself to you..." I say mad.

"Let me take you home," he says worried.

"No, no... I'll call a taxi... "

"Of course not!" He says, grabbing my shoulders and forcing me to face him.

"Please baby... don't push me away, don't shut me down again. I... brought you here, and it is my duty to get you home, safe and sound," he says firmly.

"I..."

"It's the least I can do" he replies.

The least he can do... after all the wrong he did to me.

We didn't talk on the way back, he must be confused, he looked at me from time to time, but I was just dejected, looking at my dress.

Everything was fine, it was going to be a good night, we were going to eat, we were going to have fun, we were going to have a wonderful night of amazing sex.

But no, I understand now. This was an illusion.

We never should have had this stupid no-date. I was so dumb. When we get at my place, we go up to my apartment. I thought he wanted to make sure I got there okay, but no, he comes into the apartment, uninvited again.

"Ethan...?"

"You don't think I'm going to leave you alone, do you?" he says, and I sigh.

"Damn it..." I say, defeated, and go to the bathroom, dragging my feet. I take a bath and cry again for a while.

I don't even want to go out, I'd rather stay in the bathroom. I also feel a pain in my chest, and I don't know if it really hurts or if my emotions are overwhelming me today.

"Prissy... are you okay?" he asks, and I don´t respond.

When I finally go out, he is sitting on my bed in his underwear. For the first time, it annoys me to see how incredibly attractive he is. He seems to see my expression and looks at me seriously.

"This is how I usually sleep" he says. Of course, he does. Almost naked, very comfortable in his skin.

"Ethan I..."

"I can move to the sofa... I just want to be sure you sleep well. You need to rest" he adds.

I don't want to fight, so I lie down and feel him behind me, sighing, not knowing what to do, I don't blame him, it's not an easy situation. I'm upset, sad, disappointed, offended, embarrassed, all of it.

Suddenly I felt as if he was covering me with the blankets and the sheet, and he came closer to me without saying anything.

"Do you anything? Please, if there is something I can do... I promise you, Prissy..." He says quietly.

Yeah... you should go back in time and stop everyone from bullying me. You should stop the hurting, the harassment, the hate towards me. Because your words, your damn silly words...

I'm furious, and disappointing of myself. I just want to sleep, forget about him, about our agreement, about everything.

"No. I just want to sleep" I reply.

But of course I can't sleep. He doesn't seem to be either, I feel him move and sigh. It's a terrible idea for him to stay with me, it makes me terribly nervous, I can't stop thinking about what he said.

I thought that maybe... he came again to my life to make amends... that maybe he was sorry. But for him to brazenly tell me that what those guys did to me was awful... and to not include himself in the problem... it's too much.

Suddenly I feel his hand in my hair, stroking it, running his fingers through my strands. He used to do that when we were kids. His mom said it helps to sleep, and in less time than I think, sleep overtakes me.

The next morning, I wake up alone. I hear voices coming from the kitchen and when I go over, he is talking to Suzy.

They are having a very pleasant conversation, a happy one! They seem to be getting along. Like he is a regular guy who sleeps with me. Not the man who destroy my life. When they see me, Suzy walks over and looks at me lovingly.

"Boo... how are you? Ethan tells me you had a rough night. Are you feeling better?” she asks worried.

"Yes... better," I say with a sad smile.

"I have classes today, but please call me if you need me"

"I will... I love you" I say. Ethan looks at me with a strange expression.

Love... is a powerful word that I don't use with everybody. Just her, Tommy... maybe mom.

"I love you too. Tonight we can watch Outlander and eat ice cream. What do you think?"

" Yeah, I need that" and in a few minutes she is gone it's just him and me.

"You have a good friend, Prissy... she cares about you" he tells me and I see that he is already dressed in last night's clothes.

"Yes I know..."

"I went out for a moment and bought some breakfast" he says, showing me a small selection of croissants and coffee.

"Thank you..." he smiles again, seeing me in a better mood. Sometimes is hard to hate him. To remember what he had done.

For several minutes, there was only the sound of our plates and cutlery, nothing else. He looks at me carefully, still with a hurt expression on his face.

"Can I ask you something?..." he asks suddenly, and I nod. He sighs for a second, as if hesitating to ask me.

"Why did they harass you? I mean... I'm sure you didn't do anything wrong, it's just... you were such a kind, sweet girl... you still are. I just don't understand why anyone would treat you badly. What were they laughing at?... II can't stop thinking about it"

"Seriously?" I ask, he seems surprised.

"I truly... don't want to offend you. I'm just trying to understand..." he adds.

My god! He really doesn't remember anything he did, or at least acts like he doesn't. Like a little twisted game. I can't believe him.

Well, let's give him a little reminder.

"Basically they made fun of my weight... they said I was chubby, a pig, a whale, Miss Piggy... things like that" I blurt.

He looks at me surprised, and then I look at my food. Suddenly there is silence.

He has stayed very still, and for several seconds he doesn't move, nor his cutlery, nor his croissant, nor his coffee. Nothing.

"That's why... you eat so little when we're together... dinner, breakfast..." he asks with doubt, it's a whisper. That surprises me, I never thought he would notice.

I usually eat a little when I'm in front of others. I learned the bad way, every time I ate something.... someone say that I eat too much... that I should stop, that was the reason I was overweighted.

My mother used to control my food, my sister... well, love to make fun of my meals all the time. So I put a show, when I'm eating with others: to eat slowly... carefully, small portions.

Only with Tommy and Suzy I think I can be myself, the real Priscilla. I don't answer, I'm pretty embarrassed that he noticed. It should never have happened.

I never notice how others eat, maybe I see that they eat quietly, without thinking about it, not like me. At the moment I eat my croissant only one bite, if at all, in minimal pieces. I think my silence tells him enough.

"You... you know that... there is nothing wrong with you? That what you experienced had nothing to do with you. It was not your fault that you were treated that way" he says.

"Leave it Ethan...." I say, but he takes my hand.

"I can't... you can't believe what others say..." he adds, and I get up and go to wash the dishes.

"Prissy, please..." he stands behind me and hugs me... I don't want to be close to him, but his hands, his warm body, his perfume... affects me.

"I.... I think I'm not, but then someone makes a comment, an acquaintance or someone on the street... then there's my mother and Caroline and..." I say, and I don't want to cry again, my eyes are still swollen.

He makes me turn around, gently cups my cheeks, forcing me to look at him. He looks so serious and confident as he tells me.

"Priscilla, you are the kindest, most generous, most intelligent woman I have ever met in my life," he leans closer and strokes my cheekbones.

"And you have always been a beautiful woman for me. Always" he says, smiling, as if it were true.

These words touch me like no other. But because I know that they are a complete lie, a farce, for what purpose? I don't know. But as much as I see in his eyes, I see that he is sincere.

Can he be so good actor? He approaches me to kiss me with a soft touch of his lips, it's sweet, romantic and... I can't stand it. Suddenly I pull away and he is surprised.

"What...?" he asks and is really lost. This man must be in deep denial, that's the only possible explanation.

"I just want to be alone today. I need some space and time to think things through" I tell him, and he looks frustrated.

"Prissy but... let me help you... let me be with you" he begs.

"I can't" I say firm and he nods nervously.

"Forgive me... I went a bit too far here... I shouldn't have done that. You wanted to be alone, and I came with you. I understand that you need space... but believe me, I just wanted to make sure you were okay" he apologizes.

He takes his sweater, dejected, and I don't walk him to the door, as I usually do. We don't kiss, we don't say goodbye.

"Will you write me?" he asks, and I nod. A complete lie.

He gives me a sad smile and as he leaves. I don't want to see him again. Never.