Love, curves and heartbreak Chapter 62

I had been through a lot, and perhaps falling so low, having my hopes and dreams shattered...gave me the strength I needed. Or so I thought.

I realized that I had gone through very hard times since I was young. I had suffered and been abused like many people in this world. The people who should protect me failed.

And yet, now I'm an adult woman, I did not have the tools then that I have now. Because of all the things that have happened in my life, I have become stronger.

I have learned to have empathy for the suffering of others and to help others when they need it. I wish I hadn't suffered, but life had something else in mind. Shitty things happen.

Yes, I am a strong woman. I have fought for every little thing I have, alone and with little help. I have endured insults, rejection and ridicule. I am who I am, pros and cons, and I am who I am for a reason. I deserve better.

I had to take a step forward. I had to stop being a coward and take control of my life.

Maybe I felt trapped in high school. Maybe I could have taken a different path, changed schools, tried to deal with bullying differently. Perhaps, I didn't think I had options, but we always have options. We can always choose, I know now.

If I am still here, complaining about my job, complaining about my life, my career, it is because I endure this situation. I could look for another horizon, have another life.

Ethan's return to my life brought joy and pain, but also an important realization: I had been living in fear and hiding. I still do. When I was a teenager, I had my reasons and excuses, but not anymore.

Everything that happened to me was my choice: to continue with a life I did not like, to leave Ethan. Everything was my will. And that had to change, I really had the power to change my life.

So I decided to think less about him and focus on what I could do. With the help of Tommy and Suzy, I looked for a way to pursue my dream of studying design. It was very expensive and at times it seemed impossible.

But after looking at a lot of options and doing the math, I found some classes to start with that could lead to something more formal later, maybe even applying for a scholarship.

Some were in other states and cities, and I thought this was the opportunity I needed. Since I had to find a new place to live or a roommate, I could live somewhere else. That realization was incredible.

It was a big decision that made me anxious and excited at the same time. A different place, with new things, a new city, new friends, where no one knew me. My past would be further away than ever.

“This is an amazing option!”

“Oh look at that!” Suzy and Tommy said as they helped me.

When we didn't see each other, they gave me information about classes I was attending or asked friends and acquaintances. They helped me a lot and gave me the extra motivation I needed.

Even when I knew I had to do it myself, to make the effort, to take responsibility for my own decisions in my own life, not to blame someone else.

But all those words of encouragement and motivation brought light into my life. It's easier to come out of the darkness when you have people like that by your side.

Of course that I had to save even more money to start my new life, quit my job, and talk to Clark. It's a huge effort, but something inside me whispered that it was worth it.

I feel like I am turning my professional life around, what I have always wanted, the opportunity I have been waiting for. A change of life and mentality.

It is a huge step for me and I feel that suddenly new changes are happening. Even though I am taking control of things, it feels like everything is changing at once.

Me looking for something new, Suzy with her boyfriend, Tommy in his clothes, Lily married. And Ethan... is far away, with his new position, with a career that is taking off like a rocket to Mars.

However I had to confess that, sometimes my mind betrays me and I think of him, wondering what he will do, if he will miss me, what he would think of the changes in my life. I suppose he would be more interested in his things than mine.

Other times I remember his sad face the last time we talked, how it seemed to break his heart, how he looked sincere when he told me how he felt about me.

At times it seemed to me that he was just saying it as a desperate act to keep things the way they were. Other times I believed him. I desperately wanted to believe him. I also remembered his crestfallen expression when he promised he wouldn't come looking for me.

But everything has been said, and I can't know for sure what he felt, frankly, because even if he told me, I don't trust him anymore. I did well to trust only a few people, the Priscilla from before, the one who was careful, who did not give her heart so easily, no matter how beautiful and how much she had loved him when she was a little girl.

As the weeks passed, I was accepted into one of the courses I had applied for. I remember the effort, weeks of working on my resume, preparing a book with my work and experiences. It was in Seattle, ironically. It seemed like destiny.

Suddenly everything began to happen. I really believed that this plan would work. Of course, I had to find another job there and a place to live.

Studying and working would be hard, but I had a goal, a motivation. I had made a decision. When I had everything pretty much in place, I told my mom.

"Prissy... dear... this is a big change. Are you sure about this? ," she told me worriedly.

"Yes, Mom... I think it's time to take a chance, to take a step towards the life I want, not to settle down. Maybe for a year, then we will see..." She looks at me with doubt. I suppose it is not easy to change, and it is not easy to see others change. It is the job of parents to worry about their children, to fear what might happen.

"I made the decision a few days ago. I have to talk at work, and I am already looking at options for housing and another job. I can also look for something temporary while I get settled. I know the city a little, so that's good too," I tell her and she nods.

"Well, it seems like you have thought of everything," she says with a sad smile and puts her hand on mine. "You've always been very responsible and organized. I have no doubt that if you have made this decision, it is because you have already thought of everything perfectly and after much consideration," she says. After a moment of silence, she speaks softly to me.

"I know you've been very distressed... Is it because of the Fairfaxes? Caroline has moved away from them as well. I don't really know what's going on, but no doubt something has happened that has changed you. I understand that you don't want to tell me, and I... I've been busy with business and... Caroline, who isn't quite right. She has her problems and I've been trying to help her," she says, without giving me many details about Caroline and her affairs.

I have not spoken to my sister since, and I avoid her passionately. She hasn't come to see me either, but apparently she needs money and has been asking for help, causing my mother stress and anxiety.

"II wish I had helped you more, not neglected you. You always seem so focused and mature that sometimes I forget that I shouldn't leave you alone, that you might need help," she says apologetically. I lovingly take her hand and stroke it.

"You always took care of us, Mom, and you gave a lot of yourself. You've done a lot on your own. You have a business, a house, you are an independent woman who has done everything for us to live the best we can. You have also been my example," I tell her, and she smiles, her eyes filled with tears that she can barely hold back.

"You are very sweet. You have always been so kind, my Priscilla," she says, stroking my cheek.

"I just want you to know that even though I'm moving, I'm really only a few hours away. If you need anything, if I can help you with anything, you know that you can count on me, that I will be there for you," I tell her, and she smiles.

"You have always been such a good daughter. Don't worry about me, dear. Go and make your dreams come true. We will be fine here. It's time for you to live your life the way you always wanted to. It's never too late."

It was one of the most beautiful conversations I had with my mother, and I think she was proud of me, which filled my chest with joy and motivated me to keep going.

I feel like a special clock is starting to turn, one that is much faster and makes the moments more intense. For a minute, I just wish that everything didn't change so fast.