Losing Control : His Madness, His Cure Chapter 113

XANDER'S POV

My wrist is still caught in Jax’s grip, his strength absolute even when he isn’t trying. I should be frustrated, but instead there’s something grounding about the way he holds me back. Then, out of nowhere, I press my mouth to his cheek. Just a kiss. Soft. Too fucking soft, so out of place it almost feels like I’m setting him up for something. Maybe I am....maybe I’m setting myself up.

I meet his eyes. “Don’t get me wrong,” I tell him, keeping my voice low and careful. “I like what we have. I fucking loved having you inside me. If that’s what you want, if that’s all you ever want...I’ll never complain. I’ll be completely content with it. Promise.”

His eyes narrow slightly. “But?”

I shrug, though my heart is pounding so hard I feel it in my throat. “But if there’s even the smallest chance you’d be into this too, I need to know.” I tip my chin toward his hand, still holding me down. “You can tell me no, Jax. And if you do, nothing changes between us. Not one thing.”

The words come easier than I thought they would, but the truth behind them? It’s harder. Because I loved topping. I loved the rush of control, the heat, the way it burned me alive to be the one pushing, driving. But this....this is Jax. He’s not just another body I can have and forget. He’s a fire I can’t look away from, and the thought of taking him, of being buried so deep inside him he can’t breathe without me...Jesus, it drives me out of my mind. The idea alone is enough to make me ache.

My gaze drags over his face, memorizing the hard lines and the almost imperceptible crack in them. Then, slowly, he lets go of my hand.

Something in my chest detonates.I should probably ask if he's sure, but I choose not to. I wanna take full advantage of this chance.

“I’ll make you feel so good, Jax. So fucking good.” I whisper, my voice gone hoarse with lust...with certainty.

This time, I bring my finger to his lips, and when his mouth parts for me, when his tongue slicks me wet, I nearly groan. I drag my finger back down, and he....like he’s already mine, spreads his legs wider for me.

And it hits me, almost too hard to bear. He’s giving this to me. Jax, who holds everything in his fists like it belongs to him, is letting me in. Letting me have him. I completely acknowledge how fucking insane that is. How much trust he’s putting in me right now. It feels like the kind of thing that could break me if I ever lost it.

My chest tightens, and for a second I’m almost overwhelmed. This isn’t just sex. This is Jax laying himself bare, stripping away every shield he’s ever had. And he’s letting me be the one to step through.

God help me, I’ll never give that back.

I slide lower, let my finger drift down until I find him. And just the heat there makes me dizzy. I circle his entrance, my eyes never leaving his face. He’s taut, every muscle in his body drawn tight like he’s bracing for war instead of pleasure.

“Ease up,” I murmur, my voice as soothing as I can get it to be with how wired tight I am. “Let me in.”

He clenches his jaw but doesn’t look away, and fuck, that kind of defiance is beautiful. I shift, sliding further down the bed because I need to see. I know it’s gotta be a sight, and just imagining it has me so hard it’s a miracle I haven’t lost it already.

Now I’m between his legs, and when I glance up, he’s watching me. Eyes clouded with lust, lips parted like he’s already halfway undone. I grip his knees, spread him wider, and he lets me.

“You’re so fucking sexy like this,” I tell him, staring at everything he’s offering me, at the anticipation rolling off him in waves. “Watching me....waiting for me.”

I lower my head, kissing along the inside of his thigh, up slow, dragging heat in my wake until I reach his cock. I trail open-mouthed kisses up the length, savoring the way he twitches under me. Then I take his balls into my mouth...one, then the other, rolling them over my tongue as his groan tears through the air. His hand dives into my hair, tight... urgent.

“That’s it,” I growl against his skin, my words intense encouragement. “Let go for me. Give it all to me, Jax.”

With both hands, I spread him apart, and my eyes fall to his tight cleft. My mouth waters. I lick my lips, breathing heavy, and when I glance up again, his chest is heaving, every breath sharp and jagged.

I finally press my finger in, just the tip, and his eyes slam shut, his jaw locking like he’s holding something back. Vulnerability cuts through him, raw and staggering. It makes him look softer, breakable even, and that alone nearly undoes me. I push in a little deeper, to the first knuckle, groaning at the way he grips me so tight.

“Gotta get you ready,” I rasp, circling my thumb on his thigh. “All loose and eager for my cock.”

I lean in before he can answer, my tongue dragging a hot, wet stripe over his entrance. He jolts, curses under his breath, and when I suck him in, sealing my mouth over him, I swear I feel him come undone for a second. I firm my tongue and push, slow, driving inside him the way I’ve dreamed about.

His fist twists harder in my hair. “Fuck, Xander—Jesus fuck—I love when you get all slutty for me,” he grits out, voice broken. “Don’t stop. Feels so good…fuck me with your tongue.”

I do exactly that, eating him out like it’s the only thing I was made for, tongue working him open until his body goes pliant, lax with want. Only then do I pull back, spit-slicked and shaking with the need to ruin him, and slide my finger inside again.

I glance up as I press in, and the eye contact nearly kills me. It’s lethal and dangerous. So charged I feel currents rushing through me. His cock is leaking across his stomach, the sight obscene and perfect.