Losing Control : His Madness, His Cure Chapter 257

Jax hesitates for a long beat before he finally pushes himself off the floor. He moves like a man stitched together with shaking hands. When he reaches the bed, I’m already pulling the covers aside, creating space without thinking.

“They gave me twenty minutes,” he murmurs, eyes darting to the door. “Nurse’ll be back soon.”

“Don’t worry about that,” I breathe, “I’m not letting you go anywhere.”

He gives me a little smile, cracked and barely there. Then he drags off his boots, each movement stiff with pain, and climbs into the bed. I shift with him, turning, sliding closer until we’re lying side by side. His arm comes around me, mine around him. It feels like relief and heartbreak pressed into the same shape.

And then I really see him.

Up close, the damage steals the air from my lungs. I let out a soft breath without meaning to. My fingertips drift carefully over the cuts along his cheek, the bruising swelling beneath his eye, the scraped line across his jaw. Then I lift the hem of his hoodie, and my chest tightens so sharply it almost hurts.

I have to close my eyes for a beat. Just long enough to swallow the fear, the anger, the helplessness....all the things that won’t help him right now. When I open them again, he’s watching me. Eyes tired and apologetic in the way only Jax can be.

“Sorry,” he whispers. “I went a little too far.”

A truth he hates saying. A truth I hate hearing.

“You did,” I tell him softly. “But you’re here. That matters more.”

My thumb ghosts over the split on his lip.

“I want to kiss you,” I confess, voice catching, “...but I’m scared I’ll hurt you.”

His hand lifts, fingers weaving into my hair slowly, like he’s remembering how it feels. The warmth of his palm hits me and I don’t realize how much I missed it until it’s there again. He leans in carefully, painfully slowly, and his lips brush mine first, soft as a question. Then he kisses me fully....gentle, deep, holding nothing back.

It feels like an apology, like surrender. Like he’s still choosing me even when he doesn’t know how to choose himself. Afterwards, I brush my thumb over his cheek like I’m afraid I’ll shatter him if I move too fast. “Try to rest,” I murmur. “We’ll talk more when you wake up.”

When his eyes finally flutter shut, I lean in and press soft kisses to each lid. Then his lashes lift again. His voice is low and it cuts right through me. “I really didn’t wanna leave you,” he admits. “I just panicked. Started imagining the worst.”

I smooth my fingers along his jaw, tracing the line like it belongs to me. “I know. But you came back,” I tell him. “When I saw you walk in, I thought I was dreaming for a second.”

He swallows and searches my face, like he’s afraid of the answer before he asks. “Are you still in pain?”

“Better,” I assure him. “Still stuck here for a week, though.”

“A week,” he repeats, and I catch the weight in his voice, the way it drags like he’s realizing how much this affects him. He shifts closer, wincing just a little, and I feel the heat of him through the thin fabric of his hoodie.

“I’d told you before,” he murmurs, “I get too selfish when it comes to you. No matter how hard I try, I can’t stay away.”

I shake my head, smiling softly. “You shouldn’t. I don’t want you to.” My hand drifts over his back, tracing lazy, distracted circles. “I couldn’t keep myself together when you were gone. I can’t do any of this without you, Jax. And I mean that, I really can’t.”

I feel him shiver slightly under my touch. There’s still a part of him far away, just beyond my reach, but his fingers curl around my arm. He blinks at me. “I’ve told you I’ll try so many fucking times,” he says almost to himself, voice taut. “But somehow I keep messing up.”

“There isn’t a limit,” I brush his hair back from his forehead. “Try as many times as you need. I’ll always be here. ”

He presses closer, and I feel his heartbeat thrum against my chest. “I want it to be the last time I try,” he whispers. “I want to actually succeed this time.”

“You’re on the right track. No rush, we’ll get you there.”

His lips brush mine again in a soft, trembling kiss, and he nuzzles his nose against mine, eyes searching. “You’re a scary risk, Xander,” he admits, “But one I'm willing to take.”

I smile, pressing my forehead to his. “You can’t run from me again,” I hope he sees how much I mean it. “Okay? If you need space to breathe, take it. I’ll give you all the room in the world, but don’t shut me out like that again. Don’t disappear on me and carry everything alone when I’m right here.”

He watches me like everything I’m saying is finding the fractures he’s spent years hiding and fitting into them like it was meant to.

“There’s nothing we can’t handle together,” I go on, voice steady. “Nothing. Not the past, not the shit that scares you, not the things you think make you too much.” I make sure he sees the truth in every inch of me. “You just have to trust me. Talk to me. Let me walk through it with you.”

I feel him relax into me, every tense line of his body melting into mine. “How’d I get so lucky?” he asks

I chuckle softly, shaking my head. And in this quiet, fragile space between us, I swear everything is going to be okay.

Jax’s breathing is pressed against my chest, when the door pushes open and the nurse steps in. “Alright, I was very generous, your twenty minutes were—”

Her gaze lands on us and she stops. She plants a hand on her hip, the other still gripping the doorframe, and lets out a long, put‑upon sigh. We both turn our heads toward her like two kids caught doing something mildly illegal.

Jax speaks first, “Can’t I stay?”

“Of course you can,” I answer before she even opens her mouth. I give her a small, coaxing smile, hoping charm will sway her where logic won’t. “Come on,” I tell her, “if you ask him to leave, I’m gonna be tempted to make a run for it again.”

Her brows fly up, she stares at me. Then at Jax. Then back at me. I see the exact moment something softer slips through....amusement, maybe, or resignation.

“You two...” she mutters, shaking her head. Then she huffs, throwing her hands up. “Fine. Fine. He can stay. But...” She points a stern finger at us. “Keep it PG. I mean it. I don't want to walk in on anything.”

I give her a small nod, “Scout’s honor.”

When the door clicks shut, Jax exhales softly and lowers his head back to my shoulder. I curl my arm tighter around him, warmth spreading through my chest. A little while later, I shift, about to say we should’ve had the nurse check on those bruises, but then my eyes fall on him.

He’s asleep.

Chest rising and falling slowly, the tight lines around his eyes softened slightly. I gently pull the covers higher over him, tucking them around his shoulders like I’m trying to shield him from the world. My hand lingers for a moment, resting lightly against him.

“I love you,” I whisper, barely more than a breath, hoping somehow it reaches him even in sleep.