Losing Control : His Madness, His Cure Chapter 52

I flop back against the couch. “Unbelievable.”

Alyssa’s voice is smug enough to make me want to hang up. “You know Zach and I never would’ve gone out if I hadn’t marched up to him in the hallway senior year and asked if he wanted to go ice-skating.”

I groan. “Yes, I’ve heard this story a thousand times. All twenty two variations of it.”

“Good,” she says sweetly. “Then you know the moral. There are no rules, Xan. You want him? Go get him.”

Mum jumps back in, energized by the backup. “Exactly. No rules, just… flow, darling. Like water. Which you are, by the way. You just… trickle into his life until he can’t imagine his dry, sad existence without you.”

Alyssa snorts. “Okay, Mum, maybe don’t say ‘trickle.’”

“Fine,” she says, undeterred. “Flood into his life then.”

I rub my face. “This is a serious violation of privacy. I'm never being vulnerable with you again.”

Alyssa ignores me. “Seriously, though—what’s the worst that happens? He says no? You survive. I'm sure you’ve survived worse. And if he says yes, you win. It’s simple.”

“It’s not simple,” I mutter. “He’s not… He’s not just some guy I can flirt into submission.”

“Ohhh, that means you really like him,” Mum says, delighted.

“I said that already,” I pointlessly remind her.

“Yes, but now you said it in a tone,” she says, like it’s some profound revelation.

Alyssa laughs. “We’re right, you know. You’re just stubborn.”

What I am is monumentally embarrassed. I shake my head, even though they can’t see it, staring down at the barely-eaten plate in front of me. “Yeah. Or maybe I just know better.”

“Knowing better is overrated,” Mum says breezily. “Falling on your face is part of the fun.”

They’re relentless. But despite all that, I can feel the knot that's been lodged somewhere under my ribs all day loosening some.

Mum leans in, voice gentler. “Tell me this, though... he's a good person, yeah?”

The question sits there, heavy. Is Jax a good person? I wouldn’t pin a halo on him, he’s the kind of guy most cross the street to avoid. He’s… layered. Messy in ways that get under your skin, but not malicious...at least , I don't think he is. He's just the sort who’ll drive you insane one second and hand you the last bite of his food the next. Given he likes you, otherwise......

“Yeah, he is.” I say finally, even though it feels a lot more complicated than that.

" Good, that's all that matters. " She says.

I clear my throat. “Tell Gabriel and Heather Uncle Xan says hi.”

Mum promises she will, Alyssa yells something about them making me a drawing, and I hang up before this turns into a family conference call about my love life.

Wouldn't hold it past them, Damien would just have a field day with this.

I flick on the TV, landing on some random movie I’ve already forgotten the name of before the opening credits finish. That didn’t go at all how I pictured it. Calls usually end with Mum giving me unsolicited life advice about my diet, not telling me to seduce someone into a relationship.

Make Jax open to a relationship? The guy’s sealed tighter than a jar of pickles in a nuclear bunker. And I’ve never been the one doing the chasing....self-centered as it sounds. Guys tend to come to me. Sure, it’s mostly ever been for sex, but still… I’ve never had to figure out what it takes to really pin someone down.

And God… am I actually considering this?

I know one thing, there’s something haunting Jax. He all but told me so, with that line about me getting hurt if I insisted on getting too close. And he meant it. I could see it in his face. But the curiosity, the urge to peel him open and see every jagged, hidden part...is a pull I can’t quiet.

I focus on my food and the movie, letting the flavors ground me for a while. Then my phone buzzes. Alyssa’s sent me a gif, big flashing letters saying GO FOR IT!!

I groan. I’m never going to live this down. But damn it… it’s the push I need.

I grab my phone and call Jax. It rings longer than I expect before he answers, voice smug and laced with sarcasm.

“Let me guess, you’re drunk again and need me?”

I scoff. “ I didn’t thank you… for the food. So, thank you.”

“That really why you called? To thank me for the food?” There’s that grin in his tone. “You can admit it if you just missed my voice. I won’t hold it against you.”

“I need to know something,” I cut in. “You said it doesn’t matter, but I still… I just need to know.”

He’s quiet now, waiting.

“Do you like me?"

The silence stretches so long I start counting my own breaths.

"Just a yes or a no will do.”

Then, finally, soft and sure—

“You know the answer to that.”

“That’s neither a yes nor a no, Jax.”

Another beat. Then—

“Yes, Xander… I like you.”

I close my eyes, swallowing the thud in my chest. “Okay. That’s all I needed to know.”

And I hang up.

The moment the line goes dead, I just sit there with the phone still in my hand, like if I move too soon it’ll break whatever spell that was.

I replay the words in my head. His voice wasn’t teasing, or smug, or laced with the usual flirty bait he likes to dangle in front of me. It was steady. Honest.

And somehow, that makes it so much worse.

Because now it’s real.

Now it’s something I can’t shrug off with a sarcastic quip or bury under the easy excuse of 'I’m imagining it'.

I drop the phone onto the couch beside me and lean back, staring at the muted flicker of the TV. The movie’s still going, but it’s nothing but shapes and colors now. My head’s too loud.

Part of me wants to text him again, ask what exactly he means by like. Another part wants to erase his number entirely, burn the bridge before I do something monumentally stupid. And then there’s the part...the biggest, most reckless part, that wants to head over and let whatever this is devour me whole.

I run a hand over my face, exhaling slow.

He likes me.

And I’m terrified that knowing that will ruin me.