Losing Control : His Madness, His Cure Chapter 294

XANDER'S POV

There were moments in my life that had punched the air from me. Like the time I climbed the tree behind our house and slipped, catching myself just in time, heart hammering in my throat. Or the day I got that email from Ziggler saying I’d gotten the job at Zig’s, and I’d read it a dozen times just to make sure it was real.

Or the first time Jax really looked at me.....and it scared the hell out of me because I hadn’t known I wanted that. Little flashes that left me breathless, that stuck with me longer than I expected.

But the most fundamental, the one that shook me more than anything else, was the day I found that receipt in Jax’s jacket. I’d been walking to work, the air sharp and cold, and I’d slipped my hands into his pockets to warm them. My fingers had brushed against the crumpled paper, and I’d just casually glanced at it before freezing dead on the sidewalk because the amount was absurd. And I'd wondered what the hell he'd spent it on.

And then I saw what he’d bought, and my knees almost gave out right there. I’d nearly passed out because, for a moment, I wasn’t sure if this was real life, or if I was trapped in some impossible dream where everything ended perfectly, where life bent just to us.

In the couple of days that followed, I hadn’t known how to act.

Normally, the little moments we had together lately....snatches of time between work, obligations and exhaustion....used to frustrate me, feel like reminders of how fleeting everything was. But now, I felt kind of relieved for the distance. Otherwise, he'd have definitely realized I knew something.

The hardest part was pretending nothing had shifted, that my chest wasn’t going to burst out of my ribcage. I knew Jax would probably be bummed if he realized I’d found out. But I didn’t care. I liked riding the high, liked letting it carry me.

Those two days, I felt like I was on the moon, untouchable. Everything seemed brighter, funnier, more beautiful. I’d be working on a piece, needle in hand, shading skin, and then I’d remember. I’d have to pause, just a couple of seconds, letting the joy wash through me. Layla and Addy noticed. They were seriously concerned, probably thinking I’d lost my mind.

And then the call came. Jax’s voice, casual, telling me to come by for a “taste test.” I knew the second I hung up the phone. My heart had already started running laps in my chest. Acting normal on the way there became borderline impossible.

And when I stepped inside X-Hale and saw him trying so hard to look casual, to look like any other night, it was like the air left me again. Every ounce of me wanted to collapse into him, just stand there and let the world fall away.

I washed my face in the washroom, trying to steady myself, trying to figure out how to handle this. Should I act oblivious, let him have this moment completely, or risk blowing it by showing I already knew? I decided on the first....let Jax have this. Maybe years from now I’d tell him, but by then we’d be too happy, too settled, and it would just make us laugh. Still, through the whole dinner, I watched him grow more nervous, hardly touching his food, stealing glances at his pocket, trying to find the right moment between casual conversation.

Eventually, an hour had passed, and the night had grown quiet and late. I could feel the tension radiating off him, the way he kept reaching for his pocket and then pulling back, weighing every word and gesture. I decided to take some of that weight off him, because despite the fact that I knew, the night was already perfect.

All I could think about, all I wanted, was to get that ring on my finger.

He'd already uttered my name a couple times, soft and almost hesitant, the way he always did when he was nervous. And each time, my chest tightened because I knew.....this was it. He was finally going to do it. But then I could feel him chicken out before anything even happened.

So when he said my name again, I couldn’t hold back. I looked at him, reached across the table, and slowly took off the promise ring from my finger. I placed it carefully on the surface and said, as calmly as I could manage with the grin threatening to split my face, “You said you’d replace this with something more permanent, and I’m starting to worry this night will end before you do.”

I still see the look on his face when I think back to that night....the shock, the confusion, the way his eyes widened like he’d just realized the world had tilted on its axis.

He’d assumed Adam hadn’t kept his word and had told Layla, and because it was Layla, of course she would’ve told me.

And then I’d taken out the receipt...creased, half-faded, the corners soft from how many times I’d unfolded it like a lunatic. I’d glanced at that stupid slip of paper a thousand times in two days, like it held oxygen or something. When I set it on the table, I watched the realization hit Jax in slow motion. First confusion, then recognition, then sheer horror.

He cursed under his breath and dragged his hands over his face, elbows on the table, like he couldn’t believe he’d managed to screw up something he’d tried so hard to protect. He kept muttering about how he’d locked the ring away in the restaurant, how he’d planned everything down to the second, how I wasn’t supposed to find anything.

And all I could do was smile helplessly, stupidly.... fully. Because none of that mattered. None of it had ever mattered.

I told him he hadn’t ruined a thing. That it was perfect. That it was everything. And I meant it...God, I meant it, in that bone-deep way where your future suddenly feels like a place you want to live in.

I remember how, even after all that chaos, Jax had still insisted on doing it right. On intention. On meaning. He’d stood, hands still shaking, and went down on one knee with this certainty, like he wasn’t choosing it so much as answering something in his veins. And I hadn’t tried to stop him, to tell him he didn't have to. Because I’d wanted it. Selfishly, greedily. I’d pictured it a hundred times in my head, and now it was here, real, unfolding right in front of me.

I remember the way he looked up at me....eyes wide, terrified, full of so much love it almost hurt. And he’d said, voice sure in a way that cut straight through me, “I love you. You’re the one thing I never want to live this life without.”

Then... “Xander Devereaux, will you marry me?”

And it was the fastest yes I’d ever said in my life.