Losing Control : His Madness, His Cure Chapter 275

JAX'S POV

This feels strange. Every step back toward the living room makes my chest tighten, like I’m walking into a storm I can’t fully predict. Part of me wants to turn around, retreat into the bedroom, pull Xander close, and pretend the world outside these walls doesn’t exist.

When Dorian called, said he was actually in the city and wanted to meet up,.I thought I’d misheard. Maybe it was some echo in my brain. And now they’re all here. All three of them. And this time, I can’t exactly ghost. It’s not even a fear of speaking to them, it’s the fear of what they might stir up in me, what memories might claw their way out. I don’t know what words might slip out. And though I’ve gotten more comfortable talking about the past, that comfort only exists with Mrs. Roberts and Xander.

I step into the living room, Kieran and Nate are already half a beer in, talking about God knows what. Dorian’s near the door, quiet, arms crossed, calm as stone, like he’s been waiting for me to command them to leave. I know I have to keep control. For this fragile thread of calm I’ve been holding onto. And yet, even standing here, I feel the magnetic pull of the bedroom where everything’s quieter, softer, and the only eyes I need to answer to are Xander’s.

I grab two beers off the table and walk over to Dorian, handing him one without a word. Kieran, leaning casually against the arm of the couch, smirks and tilts his head. “So where’d you stash the boyfriend? You hiding him from us?”

I throw him a hard look. He chuckles, raising his hands in mock surrender. “Relax, I’m just messing around.” Then, with a sly grin, he adds, “You’re looking good. Seems like the years agree with you.”

I take a slow sip of my beer, letting the taste settle. “Yeah, I guess so.”

“Heard you quit The Pit.” Nate says.

I stiffen slightly, remembering how our last interaction ended, then nod. “Yeah. That’s right.”

His smile widens, real and easy, no edge to it. “Glad to hear that. Relieved, honestly.”

A beat of silence stretches before Dorian asks, “So, what’re you gonna be doing now? Got anything lined up?” My grip tightens slightly on the bottle. I could mention the farm....but the idea of prolonging this visit, letting them linger here, doesn’t sit right.

“I don’t,” I say instead. “Still figuring it out.”

He nods, that gaze of his sharp enough to make people shrink. Used to bother me, not anymore.

“I can help set you up with something,” he offers smoothly.

Nate scoffs, low and cutting. “Yeah. Like Jax would ever sign up for the kind of fucked up work you do.” He flicks his fingers toward Dorian, the gesture lazy but loaded.

Dorian’s eyes flick to him, cold and precise. “One more smart-ass comment, and I’ll make sure you regret it,” he quietly warns, but it carries.

He turns back to me. “I know some people. Could get you a steady gig. Something less.... gruesome.”

I shake my head. “I appreciate it, but I’m fine. Not rushing. Thinking things through.”

He nods once. “Smart.” His gaze shifts, assessing. Then softer, “Xander seems nice.”

I let a hint of a smile touch my lips. “He is.”

Kieran leans forward, his tone softening just enough. “Sorry for dropping in like this with no warning. We just felt it was long overdue.”

I say it's fine, even though it's technically not. They wanted to see me, that much is clear. It’s mostly pointless talk after that, surface-level jokes, updates, memories that skim the edges but never dare dip beneath. I’m grateful for it.

But then Dorian glances at the time on his phone and says, “I’ve got a flight in a few hours. I’ll be heading out soon.” He lifts his gaze to mine, steady. “There’s something I wanted to talk to you about before I left.”

He turns to Nate and Kieran.

“Alone.”

Kieran blinks. “You’re telling us to leave?”

“That’s exactly what I’m telling you to do,” he replies, already dismissing their existence.

They groan and grumble and drag themselves to their feet, complaining like teenagers being kicked out of a movie theater, but they go. The door shuts behind them. Silence folds into the room, thicker than before. I keep my eyes on Dorian, waiting, my pulse ticking loudly.

He looks around the apartment once, slow. Then back at me.

“I’m really glad you’re happy,” he says quietly. “You’ve got something solid here. And I get it, you’ve built a whole new life. A different one. I’m not trying to jeopardize that.”

My throat tightens. “Where is this going?”

He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a single key. He holds it up between us.

“When I sold the building,” he says, “I asked to keep one of the studio apartments. To use it as storage.”

My stomach drops. I swallow, staring at the key, then at him. “Storage for what?”

Even though I feel the answer coming like a bruise. His expression barely shifts. “You know what.”

My breath stutters. He goes on, voice unwavering. “I wasn’t just going to throw his things out. Or anything else that I knew mattered to you, even if you were too far gone in grief to care at the time.”

He lifts one shoulder in a minimal shrug. “So I kept it all. Stored it in the building. I hoped that one day you’d be strong enough to go through it, to decide what to keep and what to get rid of. Because that was yours to decide. No one else’s.”

The key gleams faintly between his fingers.

“He was closest to you,” he says. “You were the one he must’ve felt the most guilty about.... when he did what he did. Because he knew how it would hit you.”

Something caves in my chest. Quiet and deep. My heartbeat is a slow, aching thud. There’s this pressure I'm feeling, this old familiar weight I haven’t felt in a while.

Dorian watches me like he’s bracing for impact but refusing to look away.

“If you want to throw it all away,” he says, “...or leave it locked up forever without touching it, that’s up to you.”

He extends the key slightly. “But you have to take this.”

I blink hard, my vision sharpens, and I look at him again.

“Andrew,” I say.

His brow furrows. “What?”

“You’re avoiding using his name.” My voice comes out rougher than I expect. “Same way you did back then. Same way I did until recently. When all I wanted to do was forget.”

A breath shivers out of me. “But we shouldn’t do that to him. We shouldn’t do that to Andrew.”