Losing Control : His Madness, His Cure Chapter 280

It wasn’t just that I didn’t want to think about the offer. Yeah, it had scared the hell out of me...too big, too tied to a version of myself I wasn’t sure I deserved to reach for. But that wasn’t the real reason I kept quiet.

I never said anything because Xander already carries so much of me. The broken parts. The storms I drag through the door with me. And he takes it every time. He does it gently, willingly, like he doesn’t even realize how much weight he’s lifting.

So I didn’t tell him about the offer because if I’d said “I don’t think I can do it”, he would’ve looked at me with that little flicker of sadness he gets when he wants more for me than I want for myself.

I thought if I waited, if I only told him when I was ready, when I had the courage....then maybe, for once, he’d get something from me that wasn’t pain or hesitation or fear. Something he could be proud of.

I swallow, then quietly say, “Xander....”

He lifts his eyes to mine, waiting. Not pushing. Just there. Open in that way he always is when it’s me. My thumb rubs over his knuckles without me thinking. I look down between us, then back at him. “I didn’t tell you because I’ve given you almost nothing but my problems,” I murmur. “My trauma. You’ve been carrying all this weight I dump on you.” My throat tightens, but I keep going. “And I knew if I told you I wasn’t sure about the offer, you’d be disappointed because you want better for me.”

His lashes flicker, but he stays quiet.

“So I figured I’d wait it out,” I say. “Until I was in a place where I could take it. And if I never was.... at least you wouldn’t have to feel let down again. And I just...” My voice softens. “I wanted to give you something good for a change.”

I breathe out slowly, then ask, “Are you mad?”

He studies me for a long second before shaking his head. “No. I’m not mad.”

“Disappointed?”

His hand lifts before I even register the movement, his fingers sliding around the back of my neck, warm and sure. His eyes are wide and deep, like something just cracked open inside him.

“So you’re....you’re gonna start a restaurant?” he asks, voice low like he’s afraid saying it too loud will make it vanish.

“Yeah. I mean, there’s still a lot to talk through and decide. Then the actual planning will probably take—”

He kisses me.

Quick, unexpected, and so full of emotion it knocks the rest of my words straight out of me. My breath catches, but then I’m kissing him back, hands tightening at his waist like instinct. He leans back after a second, eyes bright, mouth pulling into the kind of smile people only have when something in their chest finally lifts.

“I wish you’d told me,” he says, almost breathless. “You don’t have to protect me from your fears, Jax. But—” He laughs, sudden and delighted. “Fuck! I’m too happy right now to even care.”

He throws his arms around me, hugging me tight, like he physically can’t contain how electric he feels. Then he immediately pulls back again.

“That place,” he says, snapping his fingers as it hits him. “The one you said you went to with Albert, did they actually close it down? Maybe we should call and confirm. Or....or maybe not. If you really liked it, though, maybe we, I don’t know. But I'm sure there’s probably like a million places we could find and...”

He’s rambling off, barely pausing for air. Excited in that unfiltered, kinetic way someone gets when they're happy and their brain outruns their words.

I watch him, a little stunned at first, then something warm starts quietly unfolding in my chest and my lips curve. Then the curve grows until I can’t fight it at all.

“Hey,” I say softly, a small laugh breaking through. “Breathe.”

He stops mid-sentence, eyes flicking up to me.

“I literally just accepted,” I tell him, still smiling. “We’ll have plenty of time for all that.”

He nods quickly, but the glow on his face stays. And right then, I realize that look alone was worth every second of hesitation and every step that led me here.

“Yeah.... yeah. You’re right. There’s plenty of time.”

His voice softens. “Jax, I’m so happy for you. Truly. So fucking happy.”

And I know he means it, because Xander’s always been the loudest voice in my corner, the one who believes in me even when I can’t see a damn thing worth believing in.

He lets out a long breath, like he’s trying to ground himself. “How do you feel? About all this? Are you excited? You should be.”

“I don't know,” I admit, nodding slowly. “It’s still sinking in. But I’m getting there.”

He chuckles like that’s all he needed to hear before he wraps his arms around me again, tighter this time, squeezing like he can physically transfer his joy into me.

“Well,” he says into my shoulder, “you should get there fast, because this is wonderful news. Almost as good as you asking me to marry you.”

“I didn’t—”

He pulls back just enough to put a finger on my lips. “Don’t ruin the moment.”

I laugh quietly, breath warm against his hand, and pull him back into me. His happiness is impossible not to absorb, it hums through him and into me like electricity.

My gaze drifts around the kitchen while I hold him. At the chaos he somehow managed to summon in the short time I was gone. His voice softens, easing into something gentler. “How was it? Going through all that stuff?” His thumb brushes the back of my shoulder, “Are you okay?”

I draw in a breath, pressing my nose into the warm curve of his neck. His scent fills me, loosens something tight inside.

“It was hard,” I murmur against his skin. “When I first got there, everything in me wanted to bolt.” My fingers curl slightly at his waist. “But I didn’t. And Adam was there, so that helped.”

“I’m glad he was,” he whispers.

I nod, brushing my lips lightly against his throat before pulling back just enough to look at him.

“It got easier after a while, not as bad as I thought it’d be.” I feel the truth rise up from somewhere deep. “Probably because I knew I was coming back to you.”

“Good,” he murmurs, his arms tightening like he’s trying to hold the moment still. “Then keep coming back to me. I’ll be right here..... I'll be the place you can always land.”