Logan Chapter 109

-Emory-

Unfortunately, I was expecting this call from Bryan. I decided to take it and get it over with. I take three deep breaths for courage and patience before answering, though. “Hello Bryan. Mama told me you all got home safe.” I try to start the conversation off on a happy note. Maybe he’s just calling to give me an update.

“Yeah, we’re all fine. What the hell is wrong with you?” He’s upset enough that hell sounds like it’s spelled with an A.

I pretend not to know what he’s talking about, just to give myself a few more seconds of not talking to my brother about my sex life. “What do you mean? I feel fine.” I hold the phone away from my ear as he makes a rude noise into the mic.

There’s a moment of silence as he collects himself. “Bullshit. What is wrong with you that you’ve got multiple goddamn sex tapes online, Emory? Can you even imagine what our parents would think if I told them about this? How are you ever going to show your face in public now? Do you have no self respect at all?” I feel the drop in my stomach at the acid in his tone.

It takes me a moment to formulate my response. “There is a bigger picture, Bryan, and you know it. We have to control the narrative. We have to catch and hold attention in the right place. The rest doesn’t matter so much. I’m just one person and I’ll take my embarrassment over the alternative.” Bryan sighs, finally understanding.

“Sensationalist garbage keeps the internet spinning, I guess. Was there really no other way? You couldn’t just wear lime green everywhere you go for a month or something? Maybe a crazy hat? Oh, or you and Logan could start a cult!” Bryan gets excited as he suggests more and more outlandish solutions.

“Bryan, do you really think an outfit would be more exciting than the current conspiracies? It has to be bigger. Nothing else is going to get as much attention.” Bryan makes a sound of reluctant agreement.

“I think your problem is going to be that it’s gonna become expected. You’ll just be those weird famous exhibitionists. I think you’ll have to keep doing more and more to grab attention.” I’m confused about that take. The goal isn’t for us to be celebrities forever.

“What do you mean? We’re just trying to drown out the current conspiracy theories. We’re just diverting attention until we stop being interesting as people. I’m not trying to be a socialite or anything.” I suddenly notice that I’ve been pacing the whole time. I briefly check in with Logan to see if he’s been listening or if I should try and remember this conversation with more detail so we can discuss it later. It seems like he’s busy in his office, but really he’s eavesdropping while he does mindless admin work on his laptop. I relax slightly and resolve to just be present for the conversation.

“But wouldn’t they go right back to it after you let your private lives be private again? Soon, for the love of God.” I can almost hear Bryan shuddering. He must’ve actually watched part of the video. Psycho.

“Maybe. I guess we really can’t stop them forever. But we just need the majority of people to look away. Once the spotlight of mainstream news is turned the other direction, it won’t matter what the crackpots say. Nobody will be listening.” I can hear Logan in the back of my mind, quietly worrying that the libel suit will dredge everything back up, but I don’t think so. I think that it’s been covered enough that we’ll only have a couple of lines about the result of it and everyone else will move on. The lawyers seem hopeful that it’s an open and shut case, especially the part about Logan allegedly being abusive.

Bryan talking pulls me back to the conversation at hand. “And then you just never do anything else interesting for the rest of your life, because anytime you do, it’ll come up again.” He is relentless in thinking that nothing will work. But this has to.

“What, would you have us just let it happen? Let the cat out of the bag?” Logan’s wordless panic underscores the sentiment for me, making that answer taboo.

Bryan can’t hear Logan’s panic, so he has jokes. “Isn’t it more like letting the dogs out?”

“Ha, ha, asshole. No. I’m sorry you probably saw my ass, but I hope you understand why it happened now. Can we please hang up and pretend this conversation never happened?” I almost fold my hands together in a pleading motion. There are some things that siblings should never have to speak of.

“It was less the disgusting visual and more the horrifying sounds. I’ll have nightmares about it for years. I should charge you for my therapy.” I hold back a gag. Yeah, I can’t imagine having to hear any of my siblings’ noises. Let alone the kind that Logan was wringing from me. *You know you loved it in the moment, baby.* Logan replies to my thoughts smugly. I’m surrounded by assholes.

“Ew, yeah, whatever. Bye now! Hopefully we’ll have this repressed by Christmas!” I slur everything together in an effort to get it out faster before I just hang up on Bryan. *Are we doing the right thing, Logan? Or are we just putting a bandaid on a dam leak?*

I “hear” Logan humming as he thinks through his reply. *I think we’re doing what we can with the situation we have. I think this will work to get the majority of the eyes looking in a different direction. I don’t think it’ll come up again in such an extreme way after this.* I heave a deep sigh. I guess that’s all we can ask for. We just have to keep up our distraction campaign, and- in every other area- keep our heads down.