Logan Chapter 37

-Logan-

I hear Emory at the door, finally. She was out way later than I expected her to be. I’ve gotten to know her as a bit of a homebody. She didn’t seem much into partying in any of our previous interactions and especially since we’ve been living together the past week… or two? Time is starting to get hard to track. One thing I don’t have any trouble tracking is the male voice at her door with her as she struggles to put her key in the lock. Oh, hell no. He’d better be here to help her get home and then leave.

I feel like my innards have been put through a shredder when they finally stumble in the door together and he’s got his arm around her. He’s kissing her neck, right above my damn mark and I absolutely lose all of my shit. I can feel myself barking with my full chest, growling, bearing my teeth. Emory is shouting at me, blondie has his hands up and tilts his head to the side to show his throat in submission. My wolf won’t back down, but I think to myself briefly that he might be…. Could he possibly be in one of the other guys’ packs? I don’t smell anyone familiar on him. Maybe he’s newer in Ollie’s pack? I remember him talking about having some guys transfer in. I can’t get my head on straight enough to smell whether he actually is a wolf or just a Discovery Channel nut trying to keep his life.

Emory slams into peacemaker mode. She has to shout to be heard over my barking. I can’t seem to stop. “I am so, so sorry. I told you he was a rescue. He must have been abused by a man at some point.” No, just you, baby. “Really, he’s a big softie, most of the time! I’m sure if you just gave him a minute, he’d warm up to you.” I snort to myself. Yeah, right. This guy has to go.

“Jesus, Em, that’s not a dog, that’s a motherfucking wolf. You have a wolf in your apartment. Do you even know…? Surely not. Never mind. I’m outta here. Good luck with your shit, lady.” I sit back down, content in the knowledge that I won’t have to hear Emory - Em? Really?- with some other guy tonight. I’m not sure I would have made it through that with my sanity intact. He scrambles gratifyingly fast out the front door, slamming it behind him.

“No, really! I’m sorry!” Emory yells after him. She turns to me, blushing from her cleavage to the roots of her hair. The eyebrow comes up. My ass is in for it now. “What the fuck was that, Logan-dog? Why did you go berserk on my entertainment for the evening? You’ve been perfectly fucking normal with everyone else, everywhere else, and you choose now to loose, ugh lose your shit?” I have to admit, the lecture is less effective when she’s slurring. Even if I was okay with her having ‘entertainment,’ can she really even consent right now? I think the fuck not. I turn my back on her and sit down. She can be mad at me all she wants. I’m mad at her, too, and this was for her own good. That guy could’ve been anybody. He could’ve been a burglar or serial killer or something. Still could. Even if she doesn’t ever want me again, even if I’m stuck as a fucking wolf for the rest of my miserable life, it’s my fate to protect her. She’s mine.

“How the hell am I supposed to get over him if I can’t get under anyone else, huh Logan-dog?” I hate that I hear tears in her voice. My anger and self-righteousness crumble in the face of her pain. I walk back to snuggle her as she slides to sit against her wall. I start to lick the tears off her face, but I catch the pheromones in her sweat from dancing with that asshole and decide that just cuddling is the better option here.

I try again to shift and realize it’s the first time I’ve even attempted to in days. I’m still not successful. I just want to actually hold my mate, instead of shedding on her while she cries into my neck. Would it… would it be better to let her date someone else? If I’m stuck like this forever… will I ever see my pack again? Landon? The guys? How can I get word out that I need help finding my way back to two legs? I’ll have to warn everyone that if they don’t play their cards right with their future mates, they could get stuck too. Fated mates have been legend for so long that I had no idea it was even possible anymore. I can’t even imagine the pain of watching Emory fall in love with someone else, but she’s human. If I can never be a man again for her… she’ll never be happy alone for the rest of her life.

If she can find someone else to be happy with, isn’t that what I should want for her? Would I be able to stick around and watch it happen? We would both suffer if I actually left. She’s just now looking healthy again. I can’t put her back into that depression I found her in just a… was it a week ago or two? I’m losing track of my humanity more and more. How long until I’m just a wolf? Will I be safe for her at that point?

I can’t believe that I would ever hurt my mate. Anyone she brings into her home, though, might be another story. I might have to be put down for everyone’s safety. At the thought of our uncertain future, I want to cry too. I collapse with Emory as we both form a drippy, dejected heap on the floor. I’m not sure how to fix this. My only hope is to either run back to the pack house and try to get Landon to send for one of the guys for me, or to hope he does it on his own. It might be best to run for it while Emory is at work tomorrow. I can fix this. I have to.