Fell In Love With My Roomy Chapter 111

I don't remember the last time I felt this empty.

Back when he used to tease me and roll his eyes, this emptiness wasn't there. Now, all I sense is a kind of void. I can't go on without him.

I did this to myself, but it was the right decision. I do care about him, and every time he walks into a room, I feel that pull in my chest that's been there for months. But I'll always be firm about what I won't tolerate. I can't concentrate on this research opportunity with Kent, and I just had another fight.

If I want to attend graduate school next year, I need to be wise about my choices. Kent can re-enter my life after I've had some time to sort out my feelings.

Most of my packing is done. I got a dorm room at Northwestern for this, which was more affordable than renting a place for a month, so I only had to bring my clothes and personal items.

Today, I had to go back to the apartment to retrieve the rest of my stuff. I didn't text Kent, thinking he was still in New York. It's been three days since the big New Year's Eve blow-up.

He's sent me a few texts, and I've been responding.

Maybe it's not the best idea, but it's easier than facing him. If I saw him, I'd fall apart.

I gaze at the pile of my belongings in the corner of the room I grew up in. Today, I have to go back to my apartment to collect the rest of my things, which are all there.

I'm leaving for Evanston tomorrow. I don't depart until almost 5 p.m., but it's still tomorrow. I keep wondering if I made a huge mistake with my decision, and I can't stop replaying it in my mind.

But I don't regret needing some space. Despite feeling like my heart is being torn apart, I believe it was the right choice.

"Honey," I hear my mom say as she looks at me from the hallway, sighing. "You should get up."

"I know," I reply.

I thought it was best to stay here because I felt safest at home. Besides, Kent could have been in the apartment at any time.

She asks in a hushed tone, "Will you ever discuss what happened in New York?" "You've been sulking and crying for days."

I tell her the truth, "I just asked him for a break." She frowns and comes to sit with me on my bed.

"Why?" she asks, tucking a strand of my hair behind my ear. "You seemed so happy before you left."

I mumble, "He told me a major secret he had kept from me. It was something I had asked him about before." "Mom, he's always like that. I'll ask him something twenty times, and he won't tell me anything, or worse, he'll make me feel foolish for asking. Then, I find out the truth weeks later, and it's frustrating."

"That's annoying," she says with a sigh, as if she understands how I feel. "Men can be so dense sometimes."

I sigh and rest my head on her shoulder, saying, "Amen." "I think he doesn't always share how he feels or what he thinks because it requires... more thought."

She laughs and agrees, "Yes." "Boys are like hotdogs. They're enjoyable and fun, but thinking about what's inside can turn your stomach." I chuckle a little, and she puts her hand on my shoulder.

"He didn't have many friends growing up, so I know he means well. He wants me to know, but it shouldn't feel like a reward for me to learn something about him."

She sighs and shakes her head, "No." "Look, I really like Kent."

"Ugh," I say, rolling my eyes.

She raises her hands and continues, "Let me finish." "But you're wonderful, honey. You know yourself. If this isn't what you need in your life, then you made the right choice, even though it's hard."

I mumble, "I know."

"You're embarking on this exciting school endeavor, and you've taken three months off from swimming. This is an opportunity to distance yourself from drama and stress, allowing you to focus on your interests," she suggests, and I agree. Mom usually has valid points. That was the real reason I needed to step away from Kent, to alleviate the perpetual feeling of being lost and confused. Maybe time apart would mend things or reveal that this relationship was flawed from the start.

I hope for the former.

I whisper, "Thanks, mom," and she plants a kiss on my forehead.

In a teasing tone, she says, "You have a lot on your plate today, so get up and shake off that gloom." I roll my eyes.

"I've been so fearful of leaving him that I intentionally created space for myself. Things won't be the same," I whisper, and she sighs.

"Have you ever considered that you might have been apprehensive to leave because you didn't know what would happen?" she asks, making me pause. It's a perspective I hadn't thought of before, but it makes a lot of sense.

I shrug and admit, "No." She sighs.

"And you shouldn't wish for things to stay the same if they're not working. Breaks can work wonders. Your dad and I took a break, and now we're married," she remarks, and I sigh. "The key is that you might perceive this as a mistake, and that you and Kent may never be the same. Staying the same doesn't work, hon. And I don't think you fully comprehend how much Kent cares for you. You might be surprised."

Well, Kent is the most emotionally complicated person I've met. I'll be astounded if he even talks to me again.

"Get up, pack your things, and head to Northwestern," she says with a smile. I get up, hug her, and offer a faint smile in return.

"I love you, mom."

She whispers, "I love you too. Breakups are never easy, but relationships are even more challenging. Have faith in yourself."

I smile through my sniffles, grateful to be back at home and receive her counsel. I'm lucky to have my parents.

After I shower and get dressed, I borrow my mom's car keys and drive into town. I'm still uncertain whether I'll stay the night at my place or not, which depends on my roommate's situation.

I pull up and glance around, but the black Jeep isn't in sight. I sigh and open the car door, but he's not there.

Heading down to the apartment, I'm relieved to find it completely empty. I don't think I could handle seeing anyone, not just Kent.

It's already one in the afternoon, so I start getting things organized. Most of my clothes and other essentials that made this dorm room more livable are already here. I'll also need to go to either Walmart or Target today.

After the breakup with Kent, I procrastinated doing so much, and it all piled up until the last minute. I didn't have the motivation to do anything as I was constantly miserable.

As a substantial stack of items forms, I check my dresser to see if I need more clothes. Then I'll need to organize all this stuff. I can only bring two bags on this trip, so I need to plan carefully.

When I take my suitcase out of the closet to start packing, I pause for a moment and gaze at that dress Kent mentioned – the one that's no longer meaningful.

I pick it up and examine it. I never really enjoyed wearing it, and it's time to let go. I haven't gained weight in months, and even though the idea of parting with it makes me anxious, I need a fresh beginning.

I take out a few more clothing items from my closet that I know no longer fit and toss them onto my desk chair. I'll drop them off at a thrift store tomorrow on my way out. Just as I locate an old pair of jeans, the door opens, and I halt my actions.