Fell In Love With My Roomy Chapter 65

I'm tired.

Dane took me out last night and kept me out late; I wasn't sure why. We went for dinner, and then he brought me to a jazz club. I was exhausted after my week at school, my feet hurt from wearing high heels all night, and my dress was uncomfortable.

Was it really too much to ask just to go to a diner or the movies? For us to go out on a date where I could wear jeans?

The dates were interesting, I could give him that. I was getting new experiences and the ability to try new foods, but it all felt like a distraction. It felt like a lack of connection being covered up with excitement.

I need to get to know him before tonight. Mom is going to ask things, and I can't look shocked that I don't know the answers. I have to know the answers to questions when I've been with him for weeks.

When I couldn't take it anymore last night and just asked if we could call it an early night, he suggested I could come home with him.

"Just stay with me, it's a lot closer," he whispered, putting his hand on my knee, and I blinked.

"I need my stuff, I don't have my clothes or makeup remover," I mumbled, trying to find an excuse.

"We could pick some remover up on the way, and you could just borrow my stuff to sleep in," he shrugged. "You could just sleep in your underwear too."

My throat tightened at the thought; it made me feel awkward and uncomfortable. Why can't I loosen up with him? We haven't passed this wall yet, and I didn't have it in me to let it down.

"Dane," I mumbled, shaking my head, and he sighed.

"Fine, I'll just bring you home," he said, sounding deflated.

I understood why; if I had been in a relationship for this long without any reciprocation of feelings, I would be losing it by now. I wasn't what I considered a sexual person; I tried to be open but it was impossible. I wasn't wired to open up physically if I couldn't emotionally.

The worst part was when he walked me to my door, in a confined space at the bottom of my steps, and he put his hands on my waist. I knew he wanted to kiss me; I'd been holding out hard on that. When he leaned in, I panicked; I just kissed his cheek and gave him a hug instead.

I felt like a moron; I'd only slept in his bed once, and I'd regretted it ever since. I just couldn't convince myself to do anything physical.

I was up early today thinking about all of this. Dane agreed earlier this week to meet my parents, and I was nervous about tonight. I just wanted everything to stop; my mind was so taken over by thoughts it was ruining my ability to think.

I need to fix what's going on with Dane. I need him to get with the program and understand that this wasn't working. He claimed he understood that I was younger and that he could work with the fact that we were different ages with different schedules and lives, but I wasn't seeing it. I was living his life with him, and I didn't like it.

I get up from my bed and run a hairbrush through my hair, trying to work out the knots. It was wavy from sleep but I didn't try to change it. I walk down the hall to the washroom and close the door, going about my morning routine.

Afterwards, I just put on something casual. More casual than I normally dressed with Dane, just yoga pants, sneakers, and a sweater. I grab my bag, phone, keys, and ID and sigh, walking out of the apartment with one goal in mind.

I'm tired of feeling this way; I need to get him to hear me. I want to actually sit down and do something personal with him to see if we're a good fit. As nice as our dates have been, I'm starting to get the feeling that the reason I can't seem to get comfortable with him is because I don't know him.

I hop on the bus and ride to his apartment, feeling confident in what I'm about to do. I was normally so anxious about rubbing people the wrong way or pushing them too hard, but this was something important to me.

Once I got off, I walked to his building and stepped between the doors. There was a screen on a podium to buzz up to people's apartments, and I scrolled until I found 'D. Hawthorn' and pushed the button.

I waited a few minutes, but I didn't hear anything. It wasn't that early; it was only ten a.m, but I suppose it made sense for it to take a second. After a few moments, the door buzzed and clicked open. I walked in and got into the elevator heading upstairs to his place. The second I knocked on the door, he opened it, looking irritated with being disturbed... well, until he realized it was me.

"Juls?" He asked, furrowing his eyebrows, and I nodded. He was only in a pair of sweats, sleep clearly still in his eyes. "Honey, what are you doing here?" He asked, pulling open the door for me to come in. "We're not... meeting your parents for lunch right?"

"No," I smiled, resting my hand on his arm, and he nodded.

"Oh," he breathed, closing the door behind me. "So what is it? Is something wrong?"

"Does something have to be wrong to come see you?" I asked, and he chuckled.

"Well... you don't normally turn up without texting first," he shrugged. "Caught me off guard."

"S-sorry, I thought you'd already be up," I admitted, stuffing my hands in my pockets.

"Saturdays are my chill day," he told me, gesturing for me to sit with him on the couch. "So what's up?"

"I want to tell you something," I mumbled, and he nodded. It was hard to start off this conversation, hard to tell him the truth.

"What is it? You could have just told me tonight," he reminded me, and I shrugged.

"It's important," I whispered with a shrug, and he nodded. "......I feel like I'd kind of like to talk to you."

"Okay, shoot," he said with a shrug, and I chuckled.

"No, I mean like... we go out all the time, we do a lot of really interesting things, and they're really cool," I started, briefly placing my hand on his knee. "But... we never just... sit down and talk."

"We talk all the time," he reminded me, and I nodded.

"But I don't know important things about you," I sighed. "I don't know anything about you growing up, your favorite things... you're meeting my parents tonight and I don't even know your parents' names," I reminded him, and he sighed. "I'd like it if we could just... chat. I don't want my mom to ask you a question that I don't know the answer to."

"I've told you the stuff you really need to know," he shrugged, shaking his head. "All of that stuff is bullshit that doesn't matter."

"Hey," I whispered, putting my hand on his. "It matters to me; I'd like it if we could get closer, and I feel like this could help."

"There's other ways we could get closer," he said with a shrug, running his hand down to my leg and squeezing my knee. I cleared my throat and flinched away slightly. Briefly, the thought that maybe the reason I wasn't comfortable with physicality was that he was always pushing so hard. "Come on Juls, we... never do anything physical. What's going on?"

"I feel like I don't know you," I answered honestly, and he scoffed, rolling his eyes. "It's true, I feel like we do fluffy surface stuff and... that's not enough for me. I want more."

He just looked at me like I was confusing him, but he sighed, running a hand over his face and shook his head.

"Fine, I'll get dressed. There's a great place on the waterfront; they do a good take on eggs Benedict and serve a tasting platter of."

"No," I sighed, shaking my head. "This is what I'm talking about, Dane. Don't you remember on our first date when I told you that fancy things aren't what it takes to impress me? I want to go somewhere quiet, small... normal and have a chat."

"That's not as exciting," he reminded me, and I shook my head.

"That's not what's important to me; I just want you," I whispered, and his face lit up. I suddenly realized what I said; I didn't mean it that way; I just meant a normal date with only him. I wonder when my brain will stop arguing with itself over how much I like Dane.

"I'll go get ready; then you can pick. Alright?" He asks, and I nod. He gives my knee a squeeze, and I give him a weak smile, watching him stand up.

I pull out my phone while I wait and see a message from Abby on my screen.

ABBY [10:17 AM]

"I can't believe you're bringing him to meet your parents."

I just sigh and shake my head. Abby had not been supportive of my relationship at all; none of my friends really had. Not to mention I'd accidentally let my secret kiss with Kent slip to Abby, and she wouldn't let it go.

She kept insisting that it was a sign that he liked me, that I should really be with Kent because it was clear that we got along so well.

ME [10:19 AM]

"It just feels like a good time."

"What is your problem with Dane?"

ABBY [10:20 AM]

"The man doesn't give a shit about you; I NEVER see you anymore because every night we go out or have a party, he somehow seems to plan a date over."

"I miss you, and I wish you'd just end this pity relationship."

I sigh and press my lips together. Was she right? Was he intentionally planning dates on nights when I had free time to see my friends? That couldn't be true; Dane wasn't that mean. And this wasn't a pity... was it?

ME [10:21 AM]

"I promise I'll make it to the next one; I miss you too."

"Ready to go?" He asks, and I nod, immediately tucking my phone away and standing up.

"Yeah." I smile, and he leads the way for me. "There's a really cute little place not too far from here that I really like," I explain as I step out the door, and he locks it behind us.

"Cool," he shrugs, and I linger slightly, letting my hand drop back by my side. I reach it out for him, a gesture that is very unlike me. I don't try to hold people's hands. He holds mine every so often, but I don't tend to instigate it. He immediately holds it in his, giving it a quick squeeze, and I nod.

That wasn't too bad; I could handle this.