Fell In Love With My Roomy Chapter 41

Since last weekend, I haven't felt like myself at all.

Getting through a day has been an incredibly strange experience for me, and I'm at a loss for how to improve my situation.

I've been pushing myself to keep up with my schoolwork, but it's no longer providing any relief. The pressure is mounting because I have my first honors thesis presentation at school on Monday, and I'm deeply concerned that I won't be able to perform as well as I typically do.

I've spent over two weeks preparing for this presentation, pouring my heart and soul into my research. I'm determined to do an outstanding job, and I hope that the review board will concur with my presentation and thesis. However, sleep has eluded me, and it feels as though my mind is in a perpetual state of turmoil. My body, too, has been aching since Saturday night.

No one ever informs you of how physically draining it is to perform CPR for an extended period of time. On top of my regular swimming regimen, this has taken a toll on my body. Following the weekend, my legs began to ache, and descending the stairs to our apartment door became a daily challenge.

Every mundane task, from getting out of bed to eating to taking a shower, became a struggle. I shouldn't be so disturbed by the fact that I saved someone at the pool; after all, it's part of my job, and such incidents are bound to occur eventually. I've been a lifeguard for five years, so it would have been foolish to believe that such an event would never transpire.

So why can't I simply move forward?

I've always been resolute and unwavering in my convictions, but this is an entirely unfamiliar sensation for me.

"Julianna," I hear Mark say as he takes a seat beside me at the table. "You've been staring at the wall for quite some time."

"Sorry," I sigh, shake my head, and redirect my gaze to my oatmeal, even though it doesn't appear appetizing. It's simply the easiest thing to prepare.

"Does it help at all to talk about this?" he inquires. I sigh in response.

"I'm not certain," I mutter, shaking my head. "I can't sleep, and I don't know what to do because I haven't received any updates. My life is incredibly hectic right now. Tomorrow, I'm expected to return to work, but I—"

"Tell them you're not ready," Mark suggests, his insistence unwavering.

"Mark, I need to get back on track. I've already missed an entire week of shifts, and I can't afford to take any more time off due to financial constraints," I admit, rubbing my face with my hands. "I genuinely believe everything would improve if I could sleep for more than an hour at a time."

"Is there anyone you could talk to about this? Maybe your boss or someone else? There must be some support available," he continues to press, causing me to bite my inner cheek.

"If I do that, I might be asked to leave my job, even if I don't want to," I sigh.

"Julianna, you don't seem like yourself," he says softly, and I simply nod. "You can't continue like this; you need to address it."

"I've tried countless times. I think all I really need is some rest," I mumble, rubbing my face wearily. "I have a thesis presentation scheduled for Monday, and I'm incredibly anxious. I don't know what happened to that girl, and financial concerns are looming because I've been absent from work."

"Hey, everything will work out," he reassures me, refusing to give up, and I take a tense breath. "This month, we can help you with your rent. I know you're worried about that girl because you've been working on your thesis for weeks, and it's nearly complete. Try to stay hopeful."

"I know," I reply, managing a half-smile as I take another breath. "I'm doing my best."

"Listen, I hate to leave, but I have practice and need to stop by my professor's office afterward," he informs me. I shake my head at his offer.

"No, I wouldn't want you to stay," I assure him.

"Try to get some sleep; Kyle and Kent probably won't return until later," he suggests before departing. I nod in agreement. "You deserve some peace."

Kent.

He was the only thing that managed to momentarily silence the chaos in my mind, albeit through sheer distraction. I reflect on how kind he was to me over the weekend and how much I enjoyed his company when he displayed such kindness. Our eyes met frequently, and he would always ask, "Are you okay?" while I would consistently reply, "Getting through it."

Since Saturday night, we hadn't had a moment alone. However, even if we did, I knew he wouldn't say anything. Discussing the events of that night was challenging, and both of us understood that I had more pressing matters to contend with right now.

"Yeah, I think you're right," I sigh as I pick up my cold oatmeal and shuffle over to the compost bin under the sink. I dispose of it, and Mark gets up to hug me. Mark was a fantastic friend and an incredibly kind person.

"I'll see you later," he smiles, and as he departs, I nod and wave.

In an attempt to regain some semblance of routine, I decide to take a warm shower. I hadn't been taking good care of myself lately, and I hoped it would help me relax.

Afterward, I return to my room, don warm socks and a sweater over my T-shirt and shorts, and pull the curtains shut.

With my phone in hand, I start scrolling through texts and pictures. I didn't feel like engaging with people or partaking in my usual activities. I was unsure of what would make me feel better. Perhaps Mark was right, and all I needed was to talk to someone.

Despite my mother's assistance, I remained uncertain of what to do. That night, sleep eluded me once more. To my surprise, I had to admit that nothing had been as comforting as Kent's presence.

I finally set my phone aside, but sleep continued to evade me. I couldn't fathom why. My brain felt sluggish, likely due to exhaustion.

When I hear the front door open, I groan inwardly because I had left my room door ajar. Mark had assured me the apartment would be empty, so I hadn't bothered to lock it.

I see Kent heading toward his room but pause and glance back at me. This prompts me to sit up.

"Oh, hey," he says with a concerned look. "I didn't know you'd be home."

"Yeah, I decided not to go to the library after all," I mutter, rubbing my face wearily with my hand.

"Were you trying to sleep?" He asks as he enters his room to set down his school bag.

"Unsuccessfully," I mutter, feeling my eyes welling up.

"I-I can leave you alone," he offers as he closes his door again. "I'm sorry to disturb you."

"You're not," I assure him with a shake of my head. "I just can't sleep," I whisper, tears streaming down my cheeks. "I haven't been able to all week, not since," I trail off, biting my inner cheek.

"Since when?" He asks quietly, though from the look in his eyes, I can tell he already knows what I'm going to say.

"Ever since we were intimate," I admit, my voice barely above a whisper, and tears flow freely. "It's so foolish and embarrassing, but—"

"Julianna," he interrupts gently, shaking his head.

"What?" I whisper, feeling ashamed as he walks into my room.

"Come here," he says, approaching my bed and sighing. I arch an eyebrow.

"I'm not kidding," he adds, and I clear my throat hesitantly. "Unless you'd like me to leave."

"No," I mumble as I feel a sense of embarrassment, and he moves to close the door before returning to my bed. He carefully settles beside me and places his phone on my nightstand.

"You have a lot of pillows," he mumbles, and I manage to laugh through my tears, sniffling.

"You're quite the grump," I reply as I curl up beside him.

"Sleep, Julianna," he instructs, and I nod, slowly moving closer.

"I take back the grumpy part," I whisper and take a deep breath, which helps me regain composure. "This is quite nice." He wraps an arm around me, his hand resting on my back, moving in easy circles.

"Good, darling. I'm glad," he responds, and I struggle to keep my eyes open. How was he able to make me feel this way?

I can't remember much else he said because I'm already drifting into sleep before I can hear it.

…

Upon waking up, I hear voices emanating from outside my bedroom door. I instinctively reach out with both arms, inadvertently elbowing the person beside me in bed.

"Ouch," he hisses, and I turn to look at Kent, my eyes still heavy with sleep.

"S-sorry," I mumble, my voice drowsy. "Is there anyone out there?" I yawn and inquire. Kent lets out a sigh.

"Piper, Mark, Kyle, the aliens, and someone else," he replies, and I groan internally. If it were up to me, I'd gladly return to slumber. Despite enjoying that nap, which seemed to have gone on for hours, I craved more rest. "I can't leave, or they'll discover that you and I are in here."

"What time is it?" Confusion sets in, so I turn to Kent, who checks his phone.

"Almost seven."

My eyebrows shoot up. "What? You've been here the entire time?" I ask, genuinely surprised.

"Why not?" He appears puzzled as he responds. "You seemed exhausted, and you looked quite stuck. There was no way I could get up without inadvertently waking you. Plus, I didn't have anything else to do."

"Did I snore?" Concern creeps in, and he bites his lip, attempting to suppress a smile. "Oh my god, I did."

"Not much, it wasn't very loud," he reassures me with a casual shrug.

"Has anyone actually seen Kent?" Piper's voice carries from the kitchen. Kent groans and rolls around on my bed, as if trying to distance himself from her.

"He's in his room with the door closed, and Julianna and I won't disturb them," Mark asserts firmly. "I'll send them a text, letting them know we're going to Abby's, and they can join us if they wish."

"Since when have those two gotten along so well?" Piper wonders aloud, and Kent and I exchange glances. We both seem to be pondering the same question: "When did we become so close?"

"Pretty much since you forced them to reconcile for the sake of a frat party," Kyle chimes in, and we both share a slight chuckle. "You can thank Piper for that."

"Fine, whatever. We won't drag them along," she declares, and we hear the sounds of people gathering their things and getting ready to leave.

As the door opens and multiple footsteps recede from the building, both of us release a collective sigh of relief.

"Thank goodness," Kent sighs, and I nod in agreement.

No one needed to be privy to our situation because it would only complicate matters needlessly. Furthermore, there was nothing truly happening between us, and everyone was just assisting one another.

"She has the most grating voice," I murmur, and he lets out a small laugh, shrugging.

"Yeah," he concurs, and I roll over onto my back, grappling with the mixed emotions swirling inside me. I hated how much I enjoyed being close to him, and I resented the memory of him kissing Piper a few weeks ago. If he didn't have genuine feelings for her, why would he have done that? What were his intentions with me, and how did he truly feel?

"Y-you don't have to stay," I shake my head and sigh. "They've left, you can go after them."

"You want me to leave?" He appears perplexed by my request. "Because I don't want to chase after them."

"Well, what do you want?" I slide out from under the covers, sitting up to confront him.

"What does that even mean?"

"It means this is all so confusing," I voice my thoughts, running a hand over my face before finally getting out of bed. "This isn't something that typically happens between friends, let alone roommates, and it's even rarer when it involves people who don't get along."

"I'm just trying to help," he insists, standing on the opposite side of my bed, emphasizing his point. His imposing figure looms even larger on the queen-sized mattress. "I thought that's what we were both striving for—trying to improve things, right? Trying to make amends?" Even separated by the expanse of the mattress, his presence feels overwhelming. "You claim that I'm confusing Julianna, but you change your stance on things constantly."

"I've made up my mind!" I assert.

"You have not! Your behavior towards me fluctuates every other day. You scrutinize every single thing we do together!"

"I have to do what's best for me!" I exclaim, my arms crossed in frustration. Sometimes, Kent, you're incredibly unpredictable. It's like I'm constantly getting emotional whiplash from the way you fluctuate in your treatment of me. Just when I think I've grasped your intentions or understood our dynamics, you throw everything into turmoil. You shout at me, then shoot me hostile glances, and next thing I know, you're offering me a ride home, acting like a friend, or even wrapping your arms around me."

"I'm trying to figure out how to behave, Julianna. You make it complicated," he responds, his words sinking my heart. Tears well up in my eyes, and I struggle to maintain composure. His chest rises and falls, and even in the darkness, his bright green eyes are vivid.

"Do you remember how things were when we first met?" I inquire, my arms still folded, and his expression softens. I clear my throat before continuing because it's painful. "You were incredibly kind to me. You asked questions and took the initiative to introduce yourself. You treated me no differently than Mark and Kyle did. But between that initial meeting and when I moved in, you changed."

"Julianna, you don't really know me."