The Biker's Fate Chapter 503

"Yeah, baby, I know."

"He was like the big brother I never had. He was one of my best friends." I met Train's eyes. "What am I going to do without him?"

The second those words left my lips, I broke, and the floodgates opened. That's when Train released me. But only long enough to scoop me up and carry me to the overstuffed chair in the living room of the hotel suite, sitting down and settling me on his lap before dragging a warm blanket over both of us.

In the cocoon of his arms, I buried my face in his neck, wrapping my arms around him and holding tight as I sobbed uncontrollably. Train said nothing. Just stroked my back as I let the pain and grief leave my body. Even if it might only be for a little while.

"I'm so mad at him right now," I hissed out. "If he wasn't dead, I'd kill him."

"Yeah, baby, I know."

"If he was having trouble, he could have talked to me." I sat up slightly, slapping the tears from my cheeks. "And that fucking sorry ass excuse for a sober coach. I should have fired him sooner. I should sue him for wrongful death is what I should do."

Train stroked my cheek. "It's okay, baby. It's natural for you to be angry, just be careful where you point that anger."

"I know, but Bill should have caught whatever I missed."

"I hear you, honey, but sometimes addicts slip. It happens all the time, despite everyone's best efforts."

I huffed. "But Puddin' was so happy."

"I know, but, ultimately, do we really know people deep down if they don't want us to see the real them?"

I bit my lip. "But I want to tell Bill he's a fucking sorry ass excuse for a sober coach."

"I'm sure you do," he said. "But…"

I sighed. "He probably feels like shit, and I'd be piling onto someone who did his best, and ultimately, it was Puddin's choice to put the needle in his own arm." I flopped back against him. "Stop making me think logically when I'm angry."

"I know. This is an illogical situation and it's normal to be pissed that your friend died, especially when drugs are involved." He held me tighter and stroked my hair. "You're gonna get through it, but you're not gonna do it alone."

"I shouldn't have called Bill a fucking sorry ass excuse for a sober coach. He's a nice man."

Train chuckled. "Baby, this is your safe place. You can say anything about anyone at any time and it will never leave my lips. I see you."

I buried my face back in his neck. "Stop it."

"Stop what?"

I closed my eyes. "Being nice."

He gave me a squeeze and I kissed his throat.

"Train?"

"Yeah, baby?"

"Will you fuck me now?" I whispered.

"No," he whispered back.

I sat up, meeting his eyes. "Really?"

"But I'll hold you." He smiled. "All night if you want."

I burst into tears again. "Really?"

"Yeah, baby. Of course."

He carried me to bed, and I snuggled up close as I cried myself to sleep.

The next morning, I awoke curled up against Train, and I rolled to face him.

"Mornin', honey," he said, kissing my temple.

I wrapped my arm around his belly and squeezed. "Morning."

"How ya feelin'?"

"Sad, but better." I kissed his chest. "Thanks for not bailing on me last night."

"Bailing's not in my DNA."

"I think I need to go home."

"Yeah?"

I nodded. "The Savannah shows are in three weeks, so I think we should just reschedule anything up until then. We can do the Savannah shows and use those as the launch point to loop back around to do the ones we've missed. It can give everyone a chance to take a break with a definitive ending point, spend time with their families and regroup, then get back to work."

"Okay, baby, if that's what you need, I think it's a great idea. I can head back to Portland—"

"Not you," I said, leaning up to meet his eyes. "Please don't go back to Portland. Not yet, anyway. Will you come home with me?"

"Home to… where? Lyric and Doom's place?"

"Well, no, I have a place in Savannah. But we'd spend time with them."

"Hmm."

I frowned. "Hmm, what?"

He rolled me onto my back. "Three weeks alone with you? With no obligations other than makin' sure you're fed, fucked, and felicitous?"

"Felicitous?"

"I needed a synonym for happy that started with an F," he admitted.

"Well, I'm not sure happy is an option right now," I said with a sigh, stuffing down the overwhelming need to cry again.

"We're gonna get you there. We're gonna get both of us there," he promised, stroking my cheek. "You need to promise you're gonna feel your feelings, okay?"

"I'm not used to feeling my feelings in public, Court."

"I get that. But you don't have to feel them in public, honey. Just with me. I'm gonna catch you. I promise. You are safe with me. Always."

I cupped his face. "God, I feel that, honey. All the way to my soul."

He smiled. "Good."

"So you'll come home with me?"

"Yeah, baby, I'll come home with you. I gotta fill Hatch in on what's goin' on, but it shouldn't be a problem."

I nodded. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." He kissed me. "Now, it's time for me to fuck you then feed you."