The Biker's Fate Chapter 69

Payton

He nodded and followed me inside. I texted my brother, poured a cup of coffee for Alex and, after he said he didn't want breakfast, grabbed my bagel and sat with him on the sectional in the family room.

"Kayla filled you in on the stuff with Jenny, right?" he said.

I nodded as I chewed.

"Do you have any questions about it?"

"I don't think so. It's jacked up and I'd like to claw Jenny's eyes out, but no, I don't have any questions."

He seemed relieved and I figured he was probably pretty over the subject.

"My dad turned me onto porn when I was around ten. At the time, I thought it was twisted, but when puberty hit and all that that entails, things changed and I found myself obsessed with it I guess. I found girls fucked up enough to manipulate and I went with it. I lost my virginity at twelve, and I fuckin' loved sex...but when the girls didn't want to try the kinkier stuff, I realized that I either had to force them, which I would never do, just to be clear, or I had to go down a darker road when it came to sexual partners."

I sipped my coffee, trying to keep it down. I couldn't imagine a life where going down a 'darker road' was even an option, let alone a need.

"There were a couple of older high school girls that were up for anything and so I went wherever they'd let me go. Light bondage, spanking, stuff I don't need to go into detail about, but you can imagine. I remember saying something to my dad about it and he told me, fuckin' told me Payton, to do whatever the hell I wanted because they were askin' for it, and ultimately, they'd like it. That was the beginning of the end for me with him."

I nodded and continued to sip my coffee, not trusting myself to speak.

"And then he started eyeing Kayla."

I gasped. "Did he...?"

"She says no and I believe her because the second I recognized it, she was never alone with him. I'd sleep on her bedroom floor in front of her door the nights he'd get drunk. The only good drunk nights were when he'd pass out, but by the time I was fifteen, I could beat the shit out of him, so he knew not to mess with me."

"I'm sorry, Alex. That must have been hard."

He nodded. "Then I found the club. Or I should say, the club found me, and I discovered a safe place to land, so to speak. But it also opened a door to women willing to do anything that both excited and disgusted me. This brings us to Jenny. I slept with her once... and talk about warped. She's totally fucked up, baby, and coming from me, that's sayin' something."

"I picked up on that."

"I didn't want to touch her again, so, as you know now, she took matters into her own hands." He took a deep breath. "After she did what she did, I don't take any chances anymore. It's all within my control, but I never do anything someone doesn't want to do, so call it warped, called it depraved, but it's always consensual."

"But I can't do that," I whispered.

"I know, baby. I don't expect you to."

"I don't understand."

"Last night I realized that I trusted you. With everything. Well, until Jenny showed up, then I had a moment of doubt. But I didn't once feel the need to control anything with you. I was able to just let go and love you." He stroked my cheek. "I have never trusted anyone outside of Kayla, Payton. Until you. Even if you never wanted to see me again, I know you'd never breathe a word of this to anyone, and that's a lot to take in for me."

Ohmigod. I swallowed and took a deep breath.

"I know I scared you when I reached for Jenny and I won't try to excuse it, because there isn't one... I snapped I guess. But just know I have never done that before and I sure as hell won't ever do it again."

"Did you choke her?"

"What the fuck?" he snapped. "No!"

"Then why was she holding her neck and gasping for breath?"

"To fuck with you! I thought you got that last night."

"That's what Kayla said," I whispered.

"Baby, ask Dani. Ask Booker. I swear to God, I didn't hurt her, even though I wanted to." He grimaced. "I'm sorry I scared you."

I nodded. "Why did you tell me to fuck off?"

"Because you were scared, baby, and I'm a dick. I was angry that Jenny made me mad enough to want to kill her, and then when I saw your face, it was too much. I needed you gone. I'm not always good at the emotional shit, Payton, but I'll try. If you'll let me."

"Why didn't you give my stuff to Dani?"

"Because I had to see you," he admitted. "I knew if I let her have it, I wouldn't have an excuse to."

Well, that was kind of sweet.

"I know this is a lot to take in," he said. "If you need a couple of days, take 'em. I'll do whatever you want me to do. We can start slow again or you can tell me to fuck off. I'll respect your decision."

I nodded. "I should take some time to think."

"Whatever you need, baby."

"Would you mind dropping me home? I'd rather not walk."

"Of course."

I did our dishes quickly, left a note for Brock and Bailey, and then locked up and followed him to his truck. He threw my bag in the back and opened the door for me. We drove the five minutes to my parents' house and he parked in front.

"I need to be clear on something," I said before I climbed out of the truck.

"Okay."

I squeezed his arm. "Even if this doesn't work out for whatever reason, I need you to know my decision would have nothing to do with what you told me. I don't see you as anything less because of your past, or see you as warped or depraved... your words. I just need to figure out if we're right for each other."

He nodded. "I love you, Payton, and I'm not always gonna do everything right, but I do intend to fight for you. I'm not gonna lie about my intentions."

My stomach flipped. "I love you too, Alex. I'm just not sure if it's enough."

"I know, baby." He sighed. "I'll get your bag."

He helped me from the truck, handed me my bag, and then gave me the sweetest kiss he'd ever given me. I forced back tears as I navigated the sea of emotions.

"I love you," he said, and kissed my forehead before climbing in his truck and driving away.

I let myself into the house and walked down to my room, falling on the bed and bursting into tears for the forty-millionth time in less than a day.