Mine to Protect Chapter 111: BROKEN

*Hazel*

My heat lasts for another couple of days, which I spend in that same hotel, hoping that Derek would come back for me, but he never did.

Alice and Cindy stayed with me the whole time, helping me run cold baths, and trying to feed me some food, although I couldn’t bring myself to eat anything, not with the weight of what I had done. I didn’t even feel the heat that strongly anymore, overtaken by the pain and desperation of hurting my mate so badly. A knife to his heart wouldn’t have hurt him this much. I am a bad person; I am evil and disgusting.

Lukas stayed with us with his warriors for protection, while Damon went in search of Derek.

Lukas told me that it was not my fault, that it was the heat, and that he is the one who should have maintained lucidity and denied me more firmly. I know his words are meant only to make me feel better, and they do nothing to diminish the guilt I am feeling inside.

I am not even able to look Cindy in the eyes, I have ruined her mate for her, who wants to see one’s mate shagging someone else at their first encounter?

I messed up so badly I don’t think I will ever manage to put the broken pieces together again.

On the day of our departure, Cindy came to my room to talk to me, a smile always present on her lips, even when I don’t deserve any of her kindness or friendship.

“Hazel, look at me, please, I feel like I am talking to the wall. I have already told you; you don’t need to feel sorry for me, you had no way of knowing that Lukas is my mate, and you were in your heat, people do crazy things when they are in that state. I am not angry at you or at Lukas, it happened, we all agreed that it was a mistake, and we should get over it.”

I dare a look at her, and she has her eyebrows raised in her stop-this-nonsense way, that brings an involuntary smile to my lips. I love this woman, she would stand by me no matter what bad or stupid thing I’d do, I am so lucky to have her as a friend.

“There, a smile finally, something different from your ever-present brooding expression. You are more beautiful when you smile.”

“I don’t really care about looking beautiful right now, I would rather be invisible.”

“Hazel, you’ll see, everything will be ok. Derek is your mate, he loves you, he will understand and forgive, just give him time.”

I don’t agree with her, I know for a fact that he will never forgive me, but I decided not to tell her that, she would just try to change my mind, and I don’t want to burden her more.

“You need to be strong, today you are going back to the Crescent Moon pack, and you will see him sooner or later. Just try to give him space, let him cool off, and then slowly he will come back to your side.”

“You are talking like you are not going to be there, like you are not going back with me.”

I can hear the fear in my voice, and I sound a little petulant too.

Cindy smiles sweetly, a sad expression in her eyes.

“I came to say goodbye, I am going to stay at Lukas’ pack, we want to try to work things out between us.”

My sadness and shock must have shown on my face, because she immediately goes on saying, “But I will visit you often, and with your powers you can mind-link me anytime you want. Plus, we can videocall, it’s not like you’ll never see me again.”

I nod, managing a small smile, but my tears betray me, and Cindy brings me into a tight hug, telling me that everything will be all right.

But will it?

Our car stops at the entrance of the packhouse, and Alice gets out from the driver’s side, while I stay rooted in place on the passenger’s side; I don’t have the courage to get out, to meet him.

I know I am being a coward; I’ve made the mess, I should clean it up, but I can’t take Derek hating me, I can’t face it, it will destroy me.

My door opens, and Alice gazes at me with a look of pity in her eyes.

“Come on, let’s get inside, it will be alright,” Alice says gently.

I am fed up with people telling me that everything will be alright; how could it possibly be alright?! I’ve fucked everything up, nothing is going to be alright!

Anyways, I don’t argue with her with that and get out of the car; I follow her inside walking a few steps behind her, afraid that Derek will jump out of nowhere and tear my throat out. I know he probably won’t hurt me, but the look he gave me that day was deadly in itself.

Rose meets us in the entrance hall, a huge smile on her face, which makes me feel a little bit better. At least someone is happy to see me.

“Luna, you are finally back! We have missed you, and I was so worried. Look at you, you are even thinner than before, this is not good, come, I’ll make you something to eat, I am sure you are hungry.”

Rose starts to trot towards the kitchen, but I stop her.

“Thank you Rose, you are always the sweetest, and I have missed you too. Actually, I am not hungry, I am not feeling well really, I’d rather go to my room to rest, if that’s ok.”

A sad expression flashes for a second through her features, but she masks it quickly, replacing it with her usual benevolent smile.

“I am sorry to hear that, honey; in this case, I will take you to your room so you can rest.”

“I can go by myself, I know the way, I don’t want to inconvenience you,” I reply politely.

“Actually, your room is being renovated at the moment, Alpha wanted to change its style a little, so he had you moved to another room,” Rose explains vaguely.

I appreciate her effort, but she’s not a good liar, she’s definitely hiding something which could upset me.

I don’t think about it twice, I run up the stairs until I reach our corridor, and then I sprint towards our room. I hear Rose calling my name, asking me to wait, but I want to know the truth.

I don’t need to open the door to our room, because there’s no door there anymore; the door is in pieces on the carpeted floor, together with the pieces of the trashed furniture and torn clothes, broken glass and ceramics. Our bedroom is now in crumbles, there is nothing left untouched, left whole, unbroken.

It is not difficult to imagine why; Derek must have destroyed everything in his rage, and sadly this room now is the perfect symbol of our relationship, destroyed never to be whole again.

I am crying, and I know I don’t have the right to, I brought this on myself, I am the one who betrayed him, but it still breaks my heart to see our love nest in this state.

“Don’t worry, honey, it will be as good as new, even better than before,” Rose tries to console me. “Come with me, I will take you to your new room, all your stuff is already there, at least the things that were still intact.”

Rose leads me to the second floor, to a room not far away from Cindy’s old room, it is neat and comfortable, but I can’t help noticing that only my stuff has been brought here, there’s no trace of Derek’s things.

“Where is Derek staying?” I asked Rose in a small voice, feeling embarrassed at having to ask her about it.

“I am afraid I can’t tell you this piece of information, Alpha’s orders,” she replies apologetically.

My heart breaks a little more at her words; he doesn’t want to see me at all, he doesn’t want to give me even the chance to explain myself.

“Derek is hurting, he needs time to get over he’s rage, be patient, give him time, and everything will go back in place.”

She pats me gently on my shoulder and leaves me there with my pain and my thoughts, that are threatening to drown me under into an abyss of desperation, I am not sure I will be able to emerge from.