Mine to Protect Chapter 112: PURPOSE

*Hazel*

I spent the next two days in my room without doing anything but stare at the ceiling of my room. Alice and Damon have stopped by a couple of times to try to convince me to eat something, or to go train with them, but I don’t feel up to do anything; I just want to be alone, I don’t want to think, I don’t want to feel, this state of apathy feels better than the torturing despair I would otherwise be immersed in.

On the fourth day, my door suddenly slams open, the smell of white musk and vanilla reaches my nostrils, making me immediately sit up in bed, the rapidity of my movement making me see black for a second, after lying for too long.

I can’t believe what my eyes are seeing, Derek, he looks furious, but at least he is here, in front of me, in flesh and all his magnificent glory.

“What the fuck do you think you are doing? You are starving yourself on purpose to make me pity you? Have some self-respect and some decency! You are making other people worry about you, when you are the Luna, and should be taking care of them. I am tolerating your presence only because of the promise I made to your parents, but Goddess helps me, if you continue to push me, I will kick you out!”

I register only half of what he’s saying, I am too busy staring at him; he looks thinner and there are deep black circles under his eyes, some stubble has grown on his chin and jaw, making him look rougher. My heart clenches at seeing him like this, I have hurt him deeply.

“Stop looking at me! I don’t want to see you, I don’t want to hear you, I just want to pretend that you don’t exist. So, stop making other people worry for you to attract my attention, it makes me only despise you more.”

Ouch. His words hurt, but stupidly, I am happy that he’s talking to me, even if he’s berating me, I love the sound of his voice, I’ll be happy to have him shout at me every day, if that means I’ll get to see him every day.

“Can we talk?”

I try, my voice sounding a little raspy, after days of going without talking.

“No.”

“We didn’t have a chance after…”

“After you fucked my friend,” he cuts me off, “I think I’ve seen enough, there’s nothing more to say. Stay the hell away from me.”

That said, he leaves the room slamming the door behind him.

I try to calm myself, it’s a lot to take in after days of complete apathy. I replay his words over and over in my head, my heart aching at the harshness of his tone, but I try to remind myself that he is angry, and that I need to give him time to heal. Or at least, that’s what everyone is saying.

He was right when he said that I shouldn’t make others worry for me, I am an adult, I should be able to handle my own, even when my heart is in pieces. So, I pick myself up from the bed, my muscles feeling sore and stiff, and I take a hot long shower to calm myself down.

I feel a little invigorated after the shower, and I decide to head downstairs to grab something to eat, starve myself to death will not help with anything, and our enemies are still out there, I need my energies in case I need to fend them off, because this time, I am not sure Derek would come to my aid.

I find Damon in the dining hall, having a late lunch.

“Hey there, Luna, I am happy to finally see you up and about.”

His smile is genuine and contagious, stealing a small smile from me in return.

I sit down at his table, and we eat in comfortable silence. Damon is that kind of person that makes you immediately feel at ease, it’s like he’s able to transfer some of his calmness and cheerfulness to the people around him, a power of his own.

The pleasant moment doesn’t last long though, because Derek storms through the hall, stopping right beside our table, his furious glare directed at Damon.

“Why aren’t you replying at my mind-link? We need to go, now.”

“Sorry, I was just making sure our Luna gets enough food into her, before I left,” Damon replies calmly.

Derek anger increases exponentially, his eyes are practically blazing with a blue fire, his Alpha aura rolling off him in waves, and when he turns to glare at me, I feel like I can’t breathe anymore.

“She is no Luna of yours. She’s probably just trying to seduce you, so that you will fuck her out of pity. She’s just a slut, and nothing more.”

My throat dries up, and constricts with the impending urge to cry, making it impossible to swallow the food I was chewing.

Damon calmly pours some water into my glass and stands up to face Derek.

“She is still my Luna, and I will do my best to serve her. Weren’t you in a hurry? Let’s go.”

Derek doesn’t say anything else, he spares me a disgusted glare, and then they are gone, leaving me alone with my half-eaten food, which doesn’t look appealing anymore.

I decided I have eaten enough, and that, since I have made the effort to come out of my hiding, I can as well enjoy some fresh air and sunlight in the garden outside.

I sit on a bench, looking at the people walking around, busy with their daily tasks, feeling a little out of place. Every pack member has his purpose in this pack, everyone gives his contribution to the community, meaning that they belong to the pack, and the pack belongs to them too, through their common effort.

I was their Luna, and now, according to Derek, I am not their Luna anymore, so what is my role now? What is my purpose?

I stay still on the bench, while everyone else keeps moving around me, making me feel more and more out of place, I feel like I don’t belong here, like I shouldn’t be here at all. My head starts spinning, as panic surges in my heart at the uncertainty of my future; if I am not Derek’s Luna anymore, what am I supposed to do with my life?

Someone places a hand on my shoulder, startling me, and sending me immediately into defense mode; my eyes blaze green, and my shield is ready to be put on.

I look at the threat but notice immediately that it’s just a couple of girls around fifteen, who are now looking so scared they don’t even dare to move.

“I am really sorry, I didn’t want to scare you, I was deep in my thoughts and didn’t hear you approaching.”

I use my sweetest voice and try to smile as much as possible to make them feel more at ease.

Luckily, they recovered quickly, and they smiled shily at me.

“Actually, Luna, we were wondering if you would like to give us dance lessons. Only if you have the time of course,” the cute girl with wavy blond hair and mesmerizing blue eyes asks me tentatively.

Her friend chimes in too, “Yes, after teacher Thalia left, no one took on her lessons, so we are left without a dance teacher. Our Luna is a great dancer, and you were a wonderful teacher when you helped teacher Thalia in class, so we were wondering if…”

She trails off feeling a little embarrassed, bringing an even wider smile to my lips.

“I’d love to take on teacher Thalia’s lessons, and I am honored that you asked me.”

They both beam at me, and I can’t help beaming back at them.

“What type of dances were you practicing with teacher Thalia? I remember you were in her pole dancing lesson. Or maybe, you could tell what dance type you’d like to study, and I can arrange the lessons accordingly.”

“That would be awesome, Luna! We were learning pole dancing, classical ballet and jazz dance. Usually, the classes were from four to six o’clock in the afternoon, just after school, or from seven to nine o’clock in the evening. Could any of this slot time work for you?”

“Time is not an issue; I can adapt to your schedules. How about we start tomorrow at four with ballet? Would that work for you?” I ask eagerly.

“It’s perfect! We’ll tell our friends that the lessons are on again, they’ll be out of their minds with happiness! Thank you, Luna!” they say while running away, surely to relate the news.

Their friends are not the only ones out of their minds with happiness, suddenly I feel like I can’t stop smiling, the look of euphoria and gratitude on those girls’ faces made me feel important, I have a purpose again, I can still be useful to the pack. After days of desperation, I can finally see a speck of hope.