Falling For The Biker: The Vice President's Girl Chapter 135

Wren

The steady thump of Ezra's heart grounds me, centers me. I've missed him, missed being with him.

His fingers play with my hair, twisting and sifting.

After that heady kiss in the hallway, we took the party inside the room. And now, I'm laying naked on his bare chest, the blankets thrown halfhazardly over us.

"You know, I felt like I failed," I begin.

He stiffens beneath me, and his hands stop moving on my hair, but he doesn't say anything. He gives me the space to continue, and so I do.

"For days I couldn't sleep because believe it or not, in the short hours I found out I was pregnant, I was already attached," I say. "I was excited. And whether you wanted us to keep him or not, I was going to keep him."

"Him?"

I nod. "Yes, him. I felt it, I guess. I don't know, but he was a boy. I'd stay up at night and replay the scenes over and over in my head. I'd try to tweak it in ways that would end up with me and him alive."

God, it was awful because no matter how much I thought over everything, I still didn't have my baby.

"He would have been perfect," he rasps.

"Of course he would. We made him."

"We did."

"Maybe we could have named him Elliot," I snort. "Or Elias."

Ezra chuckles. "Why 'E' names?"

"To keep the 'EJ' in the family," I laugh. "Why are you surprised?"

"No more 'EJ's' darling, come on. I already have Elizabeth and myself," he grumbles, pressing his lips to my forehead. "What of a 'PJ'?"

My nose crinkles. "Absolutely not."

"DJ?"

"My god, Ezra," I laugh, and lift my eyes to him, hands under my chin. "Maybe HJ? To match Hannah?"

Like Hayden Jax.

His eyes soften, and then he says, "How about Hayden Jax?"

And my jaw drops.

A bubble of laughter spills out of my lips. "I was just thinking that!"

"Then that's his name." He smiles, tucking my hair behind my ears. "Our little angel is Hayden Jax. We can hold a little service for him, just the two of us."

I'm nodding before I can speak, when a single tear rolls down my cheek. I swipe it away. "Yes, yes. We can and we should."

"We can do it tonight when we get home," he says. "Anything we need, we can get on the way."

"Okay, yes." I sniffle, the tears still slipping out.

His eyes glisten, and redden. "You would've been an amazing mom."

"And y-you—you would've been an amazing dad. You already are with Hannah."

"She would've loved him," he says. "Hayden is loved, sweetheart. By me, by you, by his uncles and aunts even though they never got to meet him, or even know about him."

"He is." I swallow thickly.

Ezra thumbs my tears and wraps his arms tightly around me. None of us speak for a while, both lost in our thoughts on who Hayden would've looked like, how his smile would've been.

"For what it's worth," Ezra says. "You didn't fail. We didn't fail. There's nothing we could've done."

I don't reply, but a weight is lifted off my chest. The past couple weeks have been tough, and rough for me.

Because no one seemed to get it, at least not in the way I wanted them to. But now, I'm sharing my grief with Ezra, the love of my life, and Hayden's father...it feels easier. Better.

And I'm grateful to him.

"Heard from Judi?" He asks after a while.

I nod. "Yes, she's been calling. Unfortunately she couldn't come because she travelled for a work trip, so she's not even in Seattle at the moment."

"So, Andi didn't let her come?"

My sigh is loud because Ezra has missed out on a lot that's happened between Judi and Andi.

With everything, I didn't remember to tell him either, plus, I didn't know if Judi wanted me to share.

Judi, despite the distance, has been amazing. Unfortunately she can only call when it's night time for me, but she always drops video messages during the day.

Even when I don't respond to any of them.

"They're not...together anymore," I reply. "She's not working there anymore either. Her new boss, according to her, is the devil himself. But she'll come when she can."

His lips twist. "Damn. It was that bad?"

"What?"

"The issue that got them separated?"

"Andi is married with two kids, Ezra," I click my tongue in disapproval and irritation. "Well, he's been asking his wife for a divorce, but I guess he wasn't firm about it. Judi had to leave, she couldn't be the other woman."

"No woman should ever be the other woman. God, that's disrespectful."

"It is." My head bobs, and I raise up to squint at him. "If you ever get tired of me, or fall out of love...just let me know."

His frowns. "Wren, I think it's insulting for you to think that I'd ever get tired of you."

"We never know the futu—"

"Wipe those words off your mouth, princess." He glares. "I, damn well, know the future."

"What's the future, then?"

"That I'm going to marry you, we're going to have kids, and when we're old and gray, it'll always be like the first time. And then, when I die, you'll go right ahead and join me."

When his last few words click a second later, I erupt in my giggles. "What?"

"Yes. Because I know there'll be some other old dude trying to snatch you up, I'd rather we be together even in death."

I smack him playfully. "Ezra!"

"Why? You don't want to be with me?"

"I do!" I laugh. "Okay, that's enough. Come on, let's go home."

He cups my jaw before I can move off his body. His grin and the light in his eyes nearly take my breath away.

Who am I kidding?

He literally takes my breath away.

His gray eyes bounce between my eyes, and then dips to my lips before he presses his lips against mine.

I respond quickly and eagerly. It's soft, it's slow and it conveys so much that I can't put into words. He kisses me senseless.

His hands skim my back all the way to my ass and he squeezes. My belly dips and he hugs me tighter against him.

Then, I feel him harden beneath me, his length pressing against my stomach. I moan into his mouth, goosebumps prickling my skin.

When he pulls away, it takes a moment to find my bearings. My eyes flutter open, and a breathless smile spreads across my face.

"What was that for?"

"I love you," he breathes. "And I'm so glad to have you back."

I plant a firm kiss on his lips. "I love you more, sweetheart."

***

A thick lump settles in my throat when Ezra holds up the little blue onesie with 'Hayden Jax' scribbled on the back.

I hold up the little white hat to Ezra.

His lips twitch. "You forget the 'a', baby."

My eyes widen in horror when I turn the hat. It takes a lot of squinting but I finally see what I wrote.

'Hyden Jax'.

"Oh no." Tears instantly fill my eyes.

We got the onesie, a hat, a pair of socks and some markers with the plan to write his name—Hayden Jax—on the back since it's too late to get it branded.

And now, I've messed it up because of my stupid brain.

Ezra's on his feet immediately and he rounds the table towards me. "Hey, sweetheart."

"I've ruined it," I sob. "I just wanted it to be perfect. I chanted the letters over and over in my head, Ezra."

"Oh darling." He hugs me. "But that's the beauty of it. Hayden will know that his mom is dyslexic, and it's nothing to be ashamed of. It's unique, darling. And it makes you stand out especially for Hayden."

"I should've just let you do it."

"No way. Plus he's going to know who is mom and who is dad."

He's right.

But it would've been nice still if I got all the letters, and after all my effort, I still flopped.

Maybe that's just how it's meant to be. Different.

I sniffle. "I guess."

"His mom isn't perfect, and neither is his dad. But we're the perfect parents for him, and he would've been our perfect little boy."

My arms wrap around him. "Thank you, I needed to hear that."

"Of course. Now, come on." He helps me up. "Let's go say a proper goodbye to our baby."

We were able to find a tiny wooden casket, and so we arrange Hayden's clothes into it, and we add small photographs of Ezra and I with 'Mom & Dad—we love you, Hayden' scribbled at the back.

My heart is heavy, and my limbs feel heavier. For a second, I doubt I'm ready.

Isn't it too soon to let him go? Isn't it too soon to say goodbye?

Ezra slips his hands into mine as we step out to the yard where he already dug the small hole just underneath the single tree.

"Let's sit," he says.

And we do, the casket resting between our feet, while my head lays on his shoulder.

"We will always remember him," Ezra mumbles.

Yes, we will. We made sure of it when we framed another onesie with his name, and hung it on the wall.

That frame will always follow us, wherever we go.

"When I close my eyes, I can picture him growing up. Running around. I..." my throat closes, "-god, this is hard, Ezra."

"No one said it'll be easy. But it will get easier because we're doing it together. Our goodbye is only temporary."

I pat wet my cheeks and take in a shaky breath. "Yea...temporary."

Ezra and I pour our love into the casket. We tell Hayden about us, we tell him how much we love him and how expectant we were to have him.

It isn't easy. And I don't know when it'll get easier.

But I have Ezra. My rock, my constant. With him, I can get through anything.

So when we put the casket into the ground, I hold onto my anchor so that I don't break. He doesn't complain, not even when I grip his arms so tight.

My lips quiver as tears spill from my eyes. And then I grab a fistful of the dirt and toss it onto the casket.

"G-Goodbye, Hayden," I sob, voice breaking. "I love you so much."

With all of my heart.

"Soar high, champ. Till we meet again."