The Bad Boy's Dirty Little Secret BL Chapter 108: Stray from the Path

Night’s P.O.V

I felt my eyes go wide, the room spinning out of focus around me as my father’s words echoed in the back of my mind.

My breath caught in his throat, rendering me mute. I didn’t know what to think, what to say. To be honest, I felt quite numb, as though the floor has fallen out from beneath me and I was in a free fall, not knowing when I was going to land or if I was even going to land at all.

The sharp thud of my mother dropping to the floor beside my father jolted me back to the room; her face was pale, eyes wide and vacant, mirroring the confusion I felt.

The name—Matthias—was stuck on repeat in my head like a broken tape recorder. ‘Matthias, Matthias. Your father is just like you…’

Just like me.

The man who had always stood tall and indomitable now sat crumpled, broken by memories that seem more powerful than anything I could have imagined. I just couldn’t fathom, couldn’t grasp the fact that what he had just said was actually the truth.

My father…Jonathan Winters, the man who had always prided himself for being the indomitable business tycoon, the heartless bastard who had always hated me for being his gay son…was gay himself?

What the hell? Was this some kind of joke…some kind of new way for him to hurt me now that all of his other methods had failed?

I felt light-headed and dizzy, so I searched for something solid, something real, and, on instinct, my gaze landed on Kai.

I thought he’d be more confused than me, but the way his eyes were downcast, the shadow of guilt that crosses his features—it answered the question before I could even ask.

Kai knew. He knew the truth that I had been blindsided by, the truth that has shattered the foundation of my entire life.

Helplessly, I looked back at my parents, struggling to piece together the shards of the man I thought I knew and the revelation that has left us all in ruins.

I kept my eyes steady on my mother as I spoke, my voice trembling. “Please,” I said. “You have to tell me; did I just hear him right? What is going on? You…you knew about this…is he lying? Please mom…tell me the truth…”I tried not to let it, but my voice cracked at the edges, and I felt a painful twist in my chest.

My mother looked into my eyes then, appearing just as lost, just as dazed. She didn’t know either…and that left only one other person with the truth. After all, Kai had been the person who had brought this to light. So he must know…shouldn’t he?

“Kai…what’s going on?” I asked him, my tone desperate. “Why is my father suddenly…Why do you seem like you know something?”

Kai took a deep breath, wincing as though his throat was clamped tight. "Night…” he sighed. I could tell he felt sorry for me and was wondering how best to approach the subject. But I didn’t need his pity, I didn’t need consolation. I needed the fucking truth.

Kai must have sensed my desperation, because he placed a hand on my shoulder, turning me to face him. “Look, Night, I just learned this tonight myself. Your father—he was once in love with a man named Matthias. They were together, married in every way that mattered, even if the law didn’t recognize it at the time."

"My dad knew them," Kai continued, “because they came to his hospital after an accident. It was that accident that changed everything.” His gaze wandered back to the floor, where both my parents sat on the floor, my mother utterly flabbergasted and my father with tears running down his cheeks still, his eyes unfocused. “Well… an unfortunate misdiagnosis on top of that accident resulted in Matthias’ death. Dad blames himself for it, but your father blames himself more. You father was never the same after that incident, Night. That might be part of the reason why he didn’t want you to end up with a man either.”

Kai spoke plainly and in words that I could easily understand, that a toddler could easily understand, but I just… I didn’t get it. My mind refused to comprehend the fact that the man Kai was talking about, was the same man who called himself my father.

The same man who never stood by my side…the same man who hated me for who I was…and the same man who had arranged my marriage to a woman despite my continuous rebellion.

My poor brain couldn’t connect the dots, couldn’t visualize what my dad must have been like all those years ago.

Was any of this even true? Was the man Kai was talking about really my father? What…how…

How could he have kept such a big secret…all these years…?

“If I’m right, it seems that your father now realizes that he should never have kept his past a secret from you and perhaps the rest of the world who knew him as the cold, unyielding Jonathan Winters.” Kai gave a sigh, pulling me closer to him to keep me grounded. “And judging from his sorrow now, it’s clear that he never really got over Matthias’ death, no matter how hard he tried to convince himself and the people around him. Try to understand him from his perspective, Night. I know it’s difficult…hell, even I find it difficult, but…”

My mind was running a mile a minute, ‘difficult’ didn’t even cut it. My heart hammered inside my chest, thrashing against my ribcage with a force that threatened to burst open my chest. My entire world felt like it had tilted on its axis.

I turned to my father, my voice barely above a whisper as I spoke to him. “Why did you… why did you keep this a secret from me this whole time?”

In retrospect, I fully understood why he did what he did. It was his way of coping; he was hurting so much that he felt like the only way to make the pain stop was to push everyone and everything away and hope he forgets.

But as his son, as someone who he tortured with his own misery, all I could think of was the times when I went to him seeking a father, only to get pushed away and denied my identity.

“Why did you remain silent, despite knowing what I was going through this whole time?” I asked. “Where were you when I needed my father? If we are the same as you said, why didn’t you show me that you cared for me, that you understood what I was going through?”

When he moved his head up to face me, it was slow, and I thought he wouldn’t answer at all, just stare blankly at me and hope I go away just like any other problem he had in his life. But then I saw him taking in a shaky breath, wiping at his nose with the sleeves of his night suit.

“I had hoped that if I forgot all about… the things that hurt me… that if I convinced myself that Matthias never existed at all… that I never loved anyone like him… then I could stop this constant pain in my heart that throbs at day and keeps me up at night…” His voice was shaky, and he trailed off multiple times to catch his breath.

Despite myself, I felt sorry for him as I met his sore and red eyes, watched the way his tears stained his cheeks, the way he was trying so desperately to regain his composure.

“When I found out that you like men… that you were just like me… I got scared,” he confessed. “Scared that you, too, would end up like me. Desperate to keep the greatest love of your life, two of you against the world, only to have him ripped away from you in the most painful way.

“Seeing you with Kai… reopened my past wounds… I know it’s not fair on the two of you, because I realize now that you are not like me and Matthias at all… but I thought that if I acted roughly enough, that if I convinced you and myself that I hated people like you… like us… then you would leave the path I was once on and find your happiness with a woman.”