The Bad Boy's Dirty Little Secret BL Chapter 24: Fears

Kai’s P.O.V

“One month?” Cole raised his eyebrows at me as I told him about Friday night.

It was Sunday morning and neither Cole nor I, had anywhere to be.

Night on the other hand, had gone off to his parent’s, to spend the day with his folks. I hadn't asked much as he left in the morning, because he looked reluctant to go back home.

I never asked him about his family, but from the looks of it, there was certainly some kind of trouble.

“One month.” I repeated, nodding my head at Cole’s surprised expression.

“I’m surprised he even agreed to such a stupid proposition.” Cole shook his head, stuffing a bunch of French fries into his mouth. “Especially after the shit you’re putting him through.”

“Cole…” I narrowed my eyes at my best friend.

“What?” He frowned. “I’m telling you the truth and that too, quite nicely. You won’t get that from someone else. They’d just punch you in the face and be done with it!”

“Wow…thanks a lot man! Just the kind of confidence I needed.” I rolled my eyes at him.

“You don’t need confidence, Kai, you need your ass whooped by your sister.” Cole groaned out. “Sleep with you to get your ‘feelings’ to stop? If you’d said that to a woman, you’d be in jail right now! In fact, even Night can put you in jail. You’re luck he likes you.”

“No he doesn’t.” Was my immediate answer.

“Are you sure?” He raised his eyebrows at me. “Because neither me, nor Devon or any one of the gang would be willing to participate in a forced celibacy just because you need to get your shit together!”

Well, if he put it that way…

“If you ask me, you really were jealous and you just don’t want to admit it.” Cole snorted.

“I don’t like him like that, Cole!” I insisted.

“Yeah? You ever ask someone you ‘don’t like’ to have sex with you?” He pointed a fry at me before popping that in his mouth. “Yup. Me neither.”

Okay. He had a point.

“You know how difficult this is gonna be for me if I accept that I like a man, right?” I asked him. “My family is already disappointed in me as is; always comparing me to my overachiever of a sister. And if they find out that I have feelings for a man…no…I can’t even imagine that.”

“Aren’t you overreacting?” Cole asked. “You don’t even know that.”

“Last week, my sister’s fiancé almost suggested that she quit her job so she can ‘take care of the family’ after marriage.” I told him, taking a sip of my own coffee. “And my family was almost onboard.”

“Christ! It’s the twenty first century! Who thinks like that anymore?” Cole scrunched up his nose. “Oh! Forget it. I don’t even want to get involved in your family drama.”

“Of course not,” I rolled my eyes at him. “You’d rather get involved in my drama.”

“Hey…I didn’t force you to disclose anything! You did that yourself!” Cole protested instantly, waving a soggy French fry in my face. “If you hadn't told me that you kissed Night, then I wouldn’t have known any part of it.”

“You know that too?”

Cole and my attention snapped behind us, at the figure that had been standing there quietly, listening in to our conversation all this time.

“Holy hell, Devon! I nearly had a heart attack!” Cole exclaimed at Devon’s smug expression before throwing a fry at him, which Devon gracefully caught in his hand.

“Don’t waste food!” He gave Cole a serious glare before he plopped down on the seat next to me. “And why the fuck is this fry soggy?”

“He’s dipping them in his coffee.” I told Devon, who scrunched up his nose before returning the lone fry to Cole’s plate.

“Is that your breakfast? Fries and coffee?” Devon set his own plate of BLT sandwiches and coffee on the table. “Isn’t the trend to dip it in vanilla ice cream?”

“My fries, my choice.” Cole narrowed his eyes and Devon held up his hands in surrender before turning to face me.

“So? How much have you guys been discussing before I arrived?” Devon’s eyes sparkled with curiosity. “What did I miss?”

“Why is everyone suddenly so curious about my dating life?” I narrowed my eyes at my two best friends. “Why don’t you guys go watch a soap opera or something?”

“Oh, this is much better and no less than a soap opera!” Cole filled in Devon in excitement. “Did you know that he asked Night not to date anyone for an entire month until he gets his “feelings” sorted? And Night actually agreed!”

“No way!” Devon leaned across the table so he could hear Cole better. “Tell me everything!”

“What the fuck?”

I stared at my friends in shock as the two of them began discussing my life like I wasn’t sitting right in front of them.

“Guys!” I finally yelled in frustration. “I’m right here!”

I wasn’t worried about anyone else hearing anyway, because the entire cafeteria was deserted except for a couple lonely students who had nowhere to go on the weekends, or the ones who avoided their family like the plague.

But 99% of the students were already off campus, enjoying their holiday like they should, while I was stuck here with these two idiots who were sharing confidential information over morning coffee like it was political or sports news!

“Yes, Kai with the identity crisis, we know you’re here, but we’re choosing to purposely ignore you.” Cole rolled his eyes, running a hand through his blonde hair to keep it out of his eyes. “If Devon doesn’t know all the details, how else is he supposed to help you?”

“Really? Then why not call Josh over as well? Fill him in so the whole gang can be in on it!” I told them sarcastically.

But apparently…it went over their heads.

“That’s a great idea.” Devon began to take out his phone from his pocket to dial Josh’s number and I had to snatch it out of his hands in sheer panic before he hit the call button.

“Devon! I was joking!” I snapped at him.

“We know.” He grinned widely, before snatching his phone back and placing back inside his pocket. “I was joking too.”

If that steaming cup of coffee landed on Devon’s head…don’t blame me.

“Stop using me for your personal entertainment.” I grumbled; settling down in my seat with a huff. I looked at the half eaten sandwich on my plate and the almost empty cup of coffee with distaste. I had just lost my appetite.

“But aren’t you doing the same to Night?” Devon raised his eyebrows at me questioningly.

“What do you mean?” I frowned. “What does Night have to do with this?”

“Practically everything.” Cole told me instead. “You got obsessed with him after you saw him in that men’s washroom in the club two months ago. And since then, you’re been indecisive. You’re stringing Night along without being clear about your own feelings and now you want him to sacrifice everything just so you could feel better?”

“And what’s with this ridiculous notion that you and him have to part ways forever if you’re unable to make a decision by the end of the month?” Devon asked me incredulously, joining in on the scrutiny. “What kind of soap opera is that, huh? If you think you have to move away from him permanently just so you can get some semblance of your old life back…doesn’t that mean you have feelings for him already?”

I shook my head, refusing to believe it. “I haven’t made up my mind yet, Devon. I don’t know yet if I like men.”

“Sexuality is a lot more fluid than we were taught to think. Instead of thinking in terms of loving a man or a woman, why not think about loving, or just liking a person?” Devon explained. “Trust me when I say this, Kai, but Night and I have already been through this. The fear of rejection; the fear of the society; the fear of what people may think, and most importantly…the fear of disappointing the people we love.”

“But if we let all of these stop us from expressing ourselves freely, it will only lead to more problems down the line. And that will only make you even more unhappy.”

I took in a deep breath, letting Devon’s words set in.

My friends were right, maybe my biggest fears were just excuses that I’m desperately trying to hold onto to avoid facing reality. Maybe I’m scared to look outside the box that I had been confined to all my life.

“I’ll need the month, Devon.” I told my friend finally, meeting his eyes. “I need to see if what I feel for Night is just protectiveness as a friend or something else entirely. And I’ll think about what comes after, when that time finally comes.”

I didn’t want to go into this halfway or casually. Which was strange since all my life, I’d always been looking for casual sex, no relationships.

Suddenly, a boy with brunette hair and hazel eyes appeared in my life and nothing has ever been the same. It was something new, something unique…and I wanted to be sure of myself completely before embarked on this new path.