The Bad Boy's Dirty Little Secret BL Chapter 83: No Matter What

Night’s P.O.V

I watched with raised eyebrows as Kai heaved, his breath coming in pants as he got everything out of his system.

“Are you done?” I asked coldly when he fell silent, and he fixed me with his sharp gaze, his jaw clenched and hands fisted at his sides. There was intense anger in his eyes, but the pain in them was unmistakable.

The sight of his hurt somehow pulled me a bit out of my own angered daze and I took a deep breath, closing my eyes momentarily to regain my composure.

Nothing good would ever come out of fighting fire with fire. I was standing here before him to try and fix things between us, not make it worse. So punching our way out may seem like the easy way to get frustration out, but it definitely wasn’t rational.

I tried to soften my expression. “If you must know, I never planned on going back to my “old, fancy life” or marrying Rosalie the way my parents wanted me to,” I said, trying my best to keep my voice even so as to avoid further escalation of the situation. “Maybe you forgot, but I am gay, Kai. I have no reason to want to get with a woman, never mind return to the household that shunned me for being who I am.”

I felt his grip on my collar slacken, and I hoped that his senses were finally returning to him.

“Is your faith in me so shaky that just any outsider can come and say whatever they want, and you would not only believe them, but also start throwing punches? Is that the depth of your feelings towards me, Kai?” I sighed. “Is that how shaky your trust is that anyone can easily come between us?”

He let me go roughly, frowning as he brushed off his hands. “Might I remind you that I once found you in a compromising position with Ruby, in the school washroom, but I chose to believe in you instead, because I know you would never hurt me in such a way,” he said. “But now, how can you still question my faith in you when you are the one at fault?”

I crossed my arms over my chest. “How can you say everything is my fault without even knowing the whole story?” I reasoned. “ Is that how much you trust me? Doesn’t it matter to you what I have to say? I thought that we’ve been through some tough shit together and come out on the other end stronger than before, but it seems that’s not the case at all.”

What surprised me next was that instead of turning to anger like he usually did, Kai took a more somber route.  He sighed. “Then, tell me, Night… Because I want to believe you so damn badly… Was anything—anything at all—that she said…untrue or made up?” he pleaded.

And I saw the genuine desperation in his eyes—he was hoping against all hope that all this had been nothing but a severe case of miscommunication. But his question hit me like a punch to the solar plexus, knocking the wind out of my lungs.

“Tell me that…she isn’t your fiancée, or that she wasn’t chosen by your father when you were young. Please… tell me that none of this is true,” he practically begged.

He took my hands in his, squeezing them as if to reassure himself that I was right here in front of him. “Tell me none of this is true. Tell me that this was all made up by that fucked up woman. Tell me, Night. And I’ll believe you. I swear to all the gods above, just tell me that all this isn’t true…and I’ll believe you!”

But… I had no answer to that, because everything that Rosalie told Kai…was true.

I hung my head in shame and I felt Kai let go of my arm and step back, as if my answer or the lack of it, had hit him like a physical blow.

In the end, his reaction was more justified than mine, because it was true that I chose to omit out such an important piece of information about my life from him.

Kai had been right, from the very beginning, he had always been open about his emotions, about what he was feeling and what he wanted from me, from us. But in the end, I had been the person to disappoint him the most.

It didn’t matter that I had hidden the truth from him because I never expected to ever associate with my family again, let alone have to face Rosalie. What mattered was that my stubborn decision to hide the truth was what caused him to suffer the most.

The silence stretched between us like an unspoken barrier, the darkness of the night felt oppressive, as if it was closing in around us, trying to suffocate us to oblivion.

I half expected Kai to walk away, and get back into his car, leaving me all alone in the parking lot. But much to my surprise, he continued, his voice sounding exhausted. “My problem isn’t the fact that your father forced an engagement upon you. I don’t hold such a thing against you, Night; I’m not a child. I know that’s not your fault and you couldn’t go against your family.”

A flicker of hope appeared in my chest, but when I looked up at his face, I saw his expression masked by a cool façade, and my heart thudded painfully in my chest. For some reason, part of me preferred the angry Kai. Better he throw punches than look at me with eyes devoid of any emotions, any feelings at all.

“What I had a problem with was that I had to learn the truth from someone else who had a very good chance of creating a misunderstanding between us, and ruin our relationship just like that,” he said. “Just like what she did—is doing now.”

His stare bore into me, as if he could see right down to my soul. I had never felt so vulnerable, so exposed as I did in that moment.

“And you waited all this time to let that happen,” he continued, his voice as distant as his eyes. “You could’ve stopped this, Night. You could’ve chosen to tell me the truth, to open up to me and explain your side of the story…so that you wouldn’t have to beg for it right now.”

I looked away from him, unable to meet his piercing gaze any longer. I didn’t know what else to say— because there was nothing to say.

I had fucked up, big time. And I knew that what was happening right now was the consequences of my own actions.

It was only now that I thought that I had so many opportunities to come clean, so many opportunities to just…say the truth. But I hadn’t. I held back…I stayed quiet…

“All this time, Night,” he said, sighing as he leaned back against the bonnet of his car. “All this time…I have never lied to you or kept things hidden from you. My life… it is an open book. Not once had I ever thought of lying to you or hurting you in any way, but did you think about that when you decided to keep such a big secret from me? No. You didn’t. You kept one of the biggest secrets of your life from me. And do you even know how this makes me feel, Night? I was the other person! I was the one stealing you away you’re your fiancé. And no matter what you say, people will only believe this truth!”

Regret washed over me as if ice water had been thrown over my head. I had never thought of this in such a prospective…

But Kai was right. Rosalie and I had been engaged since we were infants, and that made it all the more valid in society’s eyes, no matter how much I opposed to the relationship. And when I fell in love with Kai…I made him the other person…the one who supposedly came between me and Rosalie…

Fuck! I should have just spoken up about this sooner. Then Kai wouldn’t have been so upset, hurt. If only I had been braver…

What had stopped me from telling him the truth, anyway, all those times ago? Why was I so certain that it would be better if I hid that part of me away instead of putting it out in the open for us to deal with together?

But now I knew that it was a horrible idea and no matter what society or my parents might say, this was my life, my choice and I chose not to live without Kai.

“Kai, can we please talk about this at home?” I tried to plead, afraid that I would lose him forever if I let him walk away from me this time. “I promise you, I’ll explain everything to you properly. This time, I won’t hold back; I’ll tell you everything you need to know about the situation…that is, if you’ll let me back in. No more secrets. I swear, Kai.”

Kai stood still, his expression hesitant and his gaze unwavering. For a second, I was afraid that he would kick me out of the house, that he wouldn’t let me return to the only place that I could now call home.

But, much to my surprise…he took a deep breath, stood up from the bonnet…and pulled me into a tight hug that left me feeling just as relieved as it had me speechless.

“That house will always be as much mine as it is yours,” he said into my hair. “And even if we are mad at each other, even if we are yelling and punching each other, you still have to come home, Night. No matter what.”