The Bad Boy's Dirty Little Secret BL Chapter 84: Leave You Halfway

Night’s P.O.V

It was a long, silent ride back to the apartment. I think we were too tired to start a conversation. That, or we were simply reserving our energy for the long talk we were sure to have when we got back to our place.

Whatever our reasons were for staying silent, the atmosphere in the car was heavy with unspoken tension, and even though the radio was playing some hip-pop songs I would have jammed to in a regular situation, it did nothing to ease the chill that hung over us like an oncoming storm.

I glanced at Kai from the corner of his eyes, but I couldn’t really judge his expression. He seemed impassive, but his white-knuckled grip on the steering wheel told a different story.

Once we finally parked at the driveway, we both wordlessly climbed out the car and went up to our unit.  And when I say that no words were exchanged between us as we both washed up and got ready for the possibly long night ahead, I mean there literally had been no verbal communication with us.

Kai had gone to the bathroom before me, so I was the last to wash up, and when I got out I found Kai gone, with a note attached to the fridge that he was waiting at the terrace.

It was probably a good idea to have this conversation outside, and since no one really went to the terrace, it gave us plenty of privacy too. When I went upstairs, I found Kai on a chair at the terrace, a case of beer on the floor.

I took a seat across from him, grabbing a bottle of beer as I swung my feet on top of the banister. I gulped down three washes of beer before finally speaking, to gather strength to continue this conversation.

“Rosalie and I…” I began, and even though I was staring off into the distance, I could feel his eyes narrow in on me. “We have been engaged ever since we were toddlers, who didn’t even know the meaning of the word ‘marriage’ yet.”

As I spoke, memories buried inside my mind for years resurfaced, and I sighed heavily, not really wanting to open old scars, but knowing I had to. “Our parents are long-time business partners, and my father wanted me to marry Rosalie in hopes that our marriage would solidify their business alliance, and that would mean that, ultimately, the company would belong to me.”

I let the words linger as I thought carefully about how to proceed. I didn’t want to sound like I was washing myself of my crimes, but I also didn’t want to water down the sins of my own father.

“He is a meticulous one, my father,” I told Kai. “He has everything down to a T calculated. That’s actually one of the main reasons why he is such a successful businessman, and why he has such a penchant for the stock market. But what he hadn’t foreseen was the fact that his only son would turn out to be gay.”

I let out a bitter laugh. “When I came out to my parents, my father couldn’t—wouldn’t—accept it. He kept telling me that this was all just a phase and that I would eventually snap out of it and marry Rosalie in the end. He even wanted to announce my engagement officially to the world in hopes that it would snap me out of my ‘phase’.”

“But the last time I visited my parent’s house, well…” I shrugged. “Long story short, it was a shitshow. The more extended version: I pretty much revealed my sexual orientation in front of my father’s business partner—Rosalie’s dad, and her entire family—and that basically ruined everything, much to my father’s dismay.” I had another swig of beer; the last one for this bottle, which I returned to the case and replaced with another one.

“You know what happened after that.” I told him with a shrug. “I walked out of the house, never expecting to go back ever again. I didn’t think he would truly let me go, after all, I was his only son. But I was so determined to make sure he couldn’t use anything against me and force me to return…I thought that maybe he would finally see me for who I am, that this was not just some phase, and that I had no interest in marrying Rosalie.”

“To be honest, I expected him to cut me off, or even use force or something unethical like he always does.” I admitted, a humorless laugh escaping my lips. “This…back and forth between me and my dad has been going on for a very long time and no matter what…I can never get through to him.”

I cradled the cold bottle of bear in my hand, thumb caressing the label. “But now that Rosalie is back and adamant on marrying me, I believe that she too had been brainwashed by her own parents who desperately want this marriage to work,” I told him. “I…honestly, I didn’t think she would be this into me, but ever since she came back from studying abroad…she seems even more desperate for the marriage. I thought if I walked out of the house…this would eventually stop…but…”

Once I finished saying my piece, I finally had the guts to turn and look at Kai. He stared back at me silently, the bottle of beer he was drinking still in his hands. Judging from how the silhouette of the liquid was still at the neck-level of the bottle, it seemed that he hadn’t had any yet, as opposed to myself who had chugged down almost two drinks.

I could tell that he was still gathering his thoughts, so I gave him time to do so in silence. But just watching him silently frowning, as he had the weight of the worlds on his shoulders…I couldn’t help but feel vulnerable. What if I really scared him off with my story? What if he now saw me as someone who was basically a ball of strings tangled into a knot and stretched in all directions? What if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore?

“Talk to me,” I said shakily, unable to control the tremble in my voice. “What are your thoughts? I’ll listen.”

I watched him take a deep breath. “You know,” he said, “I first thought that we were just against your dad’s prejudice against, well, gay men, people like us. I thought his homophobia was the only obstacle we had to face to get to true happiness, but now… I realize this is an entirely different scope… an entirely different world.”

I felt my heart twist at his words. So I was right, I did scare him. My next worry was that his fear was big enough to want to push me away.

“Now that your… their, rather… business is involved in all of this… I guess I’m just worried that we haven’t heard the last of your father yet, and the fact that Rosalie showed up to our university just like that, could mean that there is something far more dangerous for us waiting up ahead. I’m willing to bet that Rosalie showing up without warning is just the beginning of all our hardships. I mean, what can’t money pay for?”

I put my bottle of beer down and reached forward to take Kai’s hand. “I am so sorry for dragging you into my mess. I would understand if you want to break up with me. I promise I won’t ever hold it against you. Loving me…it’s really difficult, isn’t it?”

My heart pounded in my chest as I said those words. Of course, I’d still prefer if he didn’t break up with me, but then again, if it was for the sake of his emotional welfare, then I would support him. It would hurt, but I wanted him to hurt less.

But instead of breaking up with me, instead of walking out of my life…he took my hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. “I just told you that we may be facing something more dangerous going forward, silly,” he spoke, his voice choked with emotions. “But I never said I was going to let you face it all alone. No matter what happens, Night, I am going to be with you all the way, because when I had the guts to take your hand, I didn’t do such a thing just to leave you stranded alone halfway.”

I couldn’t help the tears that welled up in my eyes. I knew I was being stupid, but I had to ask him. “Will it really be worth it, Kai? Will loving me really be worth all the trouble?”

“If it wasn’t worth it…I wouldn’t have chosen you in the first place.” He said, his voice soft but firm. “So don’t ever think about leaving me behind. I want to stay by you forever.”

“Forever.” I repeated, praying to all gods above that I could keep that promise till the very end.