The Bad Boy's Dirty Little Secret BL Chapter 64: Only When You’re Ready

Kai’s P.O.V

We were still hosting the housewarming party as we had planned, despite the underlying tension between Night and I.

It all started right after the pool date that night and now, I can see that he seemed stiff whenever I talked to him or when he looked at me. I guess Night hadn't really expected that I would hide my sexual orientation from my parents or the fact that I was dating a guy.

In all honestly, I thought he would understand the fear most since he too had to deal with biases from his own parents for a decade. But sometimes, I guess love makes us irrational.

However, despite the glaring rift between us, I insisted that we pushed through with the housewarming party. After all our preparations, I wouldn’t let a little bit of strain get in the way of it.

Our friends had been dying to see the new place and it was a great opportunity to unwind and spend quality time with our friends, something we hadn't been able to do a lot recently.

Besides, it’s not like I wanted to hide it from my family—it was just that, I knew how strict and set in their ways they were, and I was afraid that my confession would ruin everything. My life, my family, myself—maybe even my relationship with Night, too.

He couldn’t fault me for that, right? I didn’t feel safe coming out to my family just yet, and that is a very valid reaction. Especially after seeing Night’s own family being assholes to him and giving him hell for being gay.

More than that, even my own sister was still struggling to confess to our parents about her relationship that had gone sour… that was how difficult it was to talk to them. If my sister breaking up with her male fiancé would be tough for them to accept, how much more difficult would it be when I came out to them?

My parents were the type of people who wanted everything in their life to be perfect and beautiful, and I wasn’t so sure if me being bisexual and dating a guy fit their definition of “perfect and beautiful”. So how could I even begin to explain the truth to them about me?

I was sure that Night would understand, but seeing him struggle the past couple days made me feel like an ass. Maybe he was just feeling bad about being kept a secret? But…wasn’t that a part of our pact as well? To be kept each-other’s dirty little secret?

So when I saw him sulking in the corner, rewashing all the clean utensils just a few moments before the party began, I knew I could not let the day continue without having a serious talk with him. If I set this aside for later, it would only end up hurting us unnecessarily.

“Night,” I called out to him, moving his hands away from the sink and turning him to face me. I tried meeting his gaze, but he wouldn’t look at me and instead stared stubbornly at the floor. “Are you still upset?”

“No,” he said curtly, and I knew for sure that he was.

I pursed my lips, wondering how I should approach this without upsetting him further. It was supposed to be a fun day for us to bond over some alcohol and snacks, not to hold grudges, old resentments and misunderstandings…

“I’m sorry I upset you,” I said, genuinely feeling bad. “I know what I said to you on our pool date may have upset you, and I’m glad that you’re somehow open to your family about who you are, even if they aren’t the most accepting people. It must feel so… liberating. And believe me when I say that I want to experience that kind of freedom too. But…”

It was true. The thought of coming out to my parents was scary as hell, but it also made me wonder if all that fear was worth the feeling of being free. Would I be happier if I was more open about this part of myself? Maybe.

But I wasn’t ready yet, and that was what I needed Night to understand.

So I continued, “I just want to ask you to be a bit more patient… Please? Can you do that for me? I’m trying to muster the courage to come out to my family. I also think that now isn’t the right time to do so. Can you please wait for me? I promise I’ll get there soon. I want you to know that I don’t want to keep you a secret from them, and that if only there was a way for me to know how they would react….”

Night turned to face me, his face a mix of emotions that I couldn’t decipher, so I took the time to clean up his hands on the kitchen towel, so he wouldn’t go back to cleaning the cutlery once more in his anxiety.

“I promise I will try to tell my parents and hope for the best,” I said to him, taking his hands in mine once they were clean.

He didn’t pull away and instead, let out a huge sigh. “I’m sorry for being immature,” he told me. “It’s not that I don’t understand…but…I acted like I brat, didn’t I?”

“No, no! Not at all, Night, I promise, to me your reaction was as valid as mine,” I immediately soothed him, but he shook his head.

“No,” he said. “I should have been more sensitive, since I know what it’s like to be shunned by my own family. Sorry for acting stubborn for no reason. You don’t have to force yourself to tell your parents just because you feel pressured to do so, Kai. You do it on your own time, only when you are comfortable and ready enough.”

I couldn’t help but smile as I pulled him in for a hug. “I’m sorry too. For making you wait all the time.”

But I felt Night shake his head as he hid his face in the crook of my neck. “It’s not that…I just…it’s tough when you don’t have an adult supporting you. I’m not talking financially, but…I hoped that your family would be warm and welcoming, something I never felt with my family. You give me everything I need and more, Kai…I just…”

I felt my heart ache at his words. Yes, it was indeed difficult to deal with all the shit life throws at you without having an adult to supervise you, or to at least tell you that everything was going to be alright.

Kids always look up to adults because we think they are more mature and understanding, and that they had probably gone through the same shit that we had, and so, they can help us feel better.

All Night had heard his entire life was that he was going through a ‘phase’ and that he needed to ‘fix’ himself. Although my parents were strict when it came to academics and culture…I had never had to face that in my life, so I wouldn’t even being to understand the depths of what Night had gone through.

But now that it was time for me to face reality and tell my parents about the truth…I could tell how difficult it was going to be and how much courage it must have taken Night to open up to who he was.

“One day, I promise that you’ll get exactly what your heart desires,” I told him, holding him tighter for just a few more instances before letting go. “One day, soon enough.”

“Just having you in my life in enough, Kai.” He smiled at me, his eyes shining with genuine happiness. “That’s all I need.”

“Thank you,” I told him, letting the relief show on my face. “Now let’s get ready to welcome our guests, shall we?”

“Yeah,” Night smiled. “Let’s do that.”