The Bad Boy's Dirty Little Secret BL Chapter 76: Envious of You

Night’s P.O.V

Later, when the atmosphere in the living room was no longer as tense and everything finally seemed to settle down, Kai guided me to his room and lent me some of his clothes for me to wear after hitting the shower.

I gratefully accepted it, so eager to finally freshen up and get ready for bed. I didn’t want to show it because Kai had been through a hell of a rollercoaster ride…but I was exhausted, mentally, emotionally and physically. But I was only holding it together for him.

Kai went into the bathroom as I changed, and when I was dressed, it was my turn to wait for him to finish washing up.

I guess it’s really true when they said that a person’s childhood bedroom could tell you a lot about themselves. Kai seemed like the average boy vying for his parents' validation—there were more awards and trophies lining his shelves than I could count with my hands.

Upon closer inspection, I saw that they were from his tennis and badminton competitions back in middle school. I didn’t know he was a huge athlete back then, but I do now.

Even the framed childhood photos were about his triumphs. There was only one picture of him without a medal, and it seemed to have been taken on one of his past birthdays.

However, what saddened me was that in all of the pictures, his father was always absent. It was a clear indication that he had been absent during some of the most important incidents in Kia and Kai’s lives, and all the while, Kai had been trying his best to get his father’s attention by being the best he could be.

I touched one of the gold medals hanging on the wall. It suddenly felt like there was this huge gap stretching between the two of us. So many things about him hidden in layers within this childhood room, so many things I didn’t know.

On the bright side, that meant that there was more room for exploration. But I still couldn’t help but feel like there was so much about him hidden in the shadows. The Kai I knew and loved was only a part of this bigger picture, and I wanted to know everything about him.

However, after what happened tonight…I couldn’t help but feel envious about him as well. His parents had accepted him…they had even embraced him…how long had it been since the last time that my parents had embraced me?

“I see that you’re making yourself at home just fine.” Startled, I looked behind me to find Kai leaning against the wall by the door, fully dressed with a towel hanging around his neck. He had his arms crossed over his chest, an amused smile on his lips. “Good thing I didn’t keep any embarrassing pictures framed in here.”

“Oh, don’t worry,” I said as he walked over to me, rubbing at his damp hair with the towel. “I plan to look for blackmail-worthy pics tomorrow. I’m sure your mom would show me if I asked.”

“Yeah,” Kai laughed. “Seems like she likes you more than me now.”

“You used to play?” I asked, pointing towards the pictures.

“Badminton and tennis,” he nodded, looking up at the medals fondly. “It was only during my middle school years, though, because I got an elbow injury during a game later that year and had to quit afterward.”

“I never knew this side of you before,” I commented, sitting on his bed. “It's like the more I see these pictures, the more I feel like you are a completely different person from the one I know.”

“Hmm?” He sat on the swivel chair by his old desk, tracing the surface of it with his finger. “But I don’t know a lot of stuff from your past as well. I haven’t been to your childhood room either.”

Something about what he said hit me in the guts. I felt my smile drop, my hands growing cold. I knew he didn’t mean it that way…but…

Kai must have seen the change in my expression because he dragged the wheeled chair with his feet toward me, before taking my hand in his. “I’m sorry if I offended you with what I said. Please forgive me.”

Did he notice how easily he apologized to me? But it took me so much of persuasion to get him to apologize to his dad?

I shook my head, trying to assure him that it wasn’t his fault. “It’s not that. I just…” I sighed. “I guess I just feel kinda jealous of you.”

I looked at his bruised knuckles, remember how angry he had gotten when Rick had managed to hit me. It had taken two people to hold him back, and if he hadn't listened to Kia, he just might have killed Rick.

It felt oddly satisfying, to know that he would go to such lengths for me, to keep me safe. Now, looking at the bruises, I brought them to my lips and kisses his knuckles. It was a good thing that the bruises would fade with proper treatment and that he didn’t have cuts on his skin.

“Jealous?” he asked then, about my earlier words, as he reached out to caress my cheek, his eyes landing on the bandage on my forehead before shifting to mine. “That’s new. Mind telling me why? I assume it’s not because of all these medals and trophies.” His attempt at making me laugh fell flat because my heart was too heavy to even muster a smile.

“Don’t get me wrong, okay?” I began. “I am more than happy for you, and I am so proud that you found the courage to come out to your family. But I suppose it just made me sad about my own life, the fact that my parents will never accept me as yours did …and I may never be able to take you back to my childhood room or to introduce you to them as my boyfriend...”

As I kept speaking, Kai’s expression slowly started to falter.

“In all honesty, I had never ever felt like I was at home back when I lived with my parents. That damn place had always felt like a prison to me; suffocating, draining the soul out of me.”

Kai held my gaze as he listened, and for that I was eternally grateful.

“But when your father apologized, when your mother hugged us, for the first time in my life, I felt what a parent’s love was like. I felt an inkling of what it must be like to have a family. When you shared with me your fears about coming out, I sympathized with you, and while I know well that your parents haven't always been the best, it is still quite heartwarming to see and feel their care, despite everything.”

I took a deep breath. “With that said, I want to thank you and your sister for giving me the chance to at least experience all of that. I guess I should also count this as one of the blessings I have received in this life.”

“I’m sorry that you went through what you did,” Kai said when he realized that I had reached the end of my confession. “You know full well how scared I had been when I finally told them the truth because we both thought they would be like your parents. But I hadn't expected this…acceptance. I never expected my father to give me a hug, let alone apologize.”

“Neither of us did,” I told him, trying to be as reassuring as I could. “But I’m glad it happened, nonetheless. I am so proud of you. I just wish I could get rid of this envy I have.”

He moved from the swivel chair to sit beside me. “Let yourself feel that envy all you need,” he assured me. “But you should know that this family is as much yours now as it is mine. My family can be incredibly strict at times, but once they accept you, there is no going back. So in the end…you’re being jealous of me for no reason.” He kissed me on the cheek, before we both collapsed back onto the bed.

“But seriously, did that actually happen? I can’t lie, I feel like I’m still dreaming…” Kai chuckled as we both stared up at the ceiling. “Maybe we're both dreaming and when we wake up in the morning tomorrow, my parents would not be the same anymore. Or maybe they'll change their mind and kick us out in our sleep. Should I lock the door just in case?”

I finally had it in me to chuckle, and he presses a gentle kiss to the side of my head, glad that I was finally smiling. “Nah, I’m sure that won't be necessary. I think we both know that tonight has changed everything for the best; I heard the sincerity in your father's voice when he said he’ll do better in the coming days. Really…I can’t help but feel jealous right now.”

“Silly. My parents are your parents too. If your folks can't give you the love you deserve, then you can have some of mine.”

“You make me sound so desperate,” I joked, but my heart was warm from his words, and the tight knot in my chest slowly started to unravel.

“Aren't we all?” he mused. “I think I still am, even after that whole ordeal. I think a part of me, my inner child, will never fully heal. But if what my parents said was true, then I can at least hope that the future will be different for me. And that goes for you too.”

I wrapped my arms around him. “I don't think I say this enough times, but I’m grateful to have you in my life.”

“You don’t need to say it, Night. And I am grateful to have you in my life as well.” He kissed me once again, but this time on the lips. “Let's go to sleep and hope this wasn't just a dream. I’d hate to wake up tomorrow morning and find out we’re still back in our apartment, passed out from all the alcohol among our friends. That’d be my last straw, seriously.”

As we got comfortable beneath the covers of his bed, I thought about how different my life would be if my parents had accepted me the way Kai’s family did. I would have been able to invite him home, where we would gather at the dining table and talk about our day. My mom would surely be interested in his athletic past.

I would have been able to show him my childhood room the way he showed me his. He would have learned things about me that he hadn't known. I probably would have been happier, too.

But that was a distant dream that felt so out of reach that I didn’t even dare dream of it. There was no use thinking about things that I could never have. I was happy now, even without all the wishful thinking. And it's all because I had him by my side—that was enough.