The Bad Boy's Dirty Little Secret BL Chapter 22: Identity

Night’s P.O.V

I grit my teeth as the pain blinded me for a few moments, but I didn’t let go of him.

My hands were on his back, clutching onto him just as tightly as he clutched onto my shirt, his hands shaking as he further tightened his white-knuckled grip.

But then I felt his jaw loosen from my shoulder…slowing letting go of me as his grip on my shirt loosened as well.

The rain pelted down on us mercilessly and the coolness of the water helped relieve some of the pain from my shoulder even though I tried to keep myself from making a noise.

Kai’s head fell onto my shoulders in defeat, the fight leaving his body as his hands simply came to rest on my waist, his thumbs hooking onto the loops on my belt to keep them from falling to his side limply. His breath came in pants and he refused to look at me…but somehow I felt like his anger was dissipating.

Maybe it was the slight tremble of his shoulders…or the way his jaw was still clenched…but I could tell that he wasn’t as angry as before…I could feel him giving in to his fatigue.

Raising one hand, I gently wrapped it around his nape…into the soft curls of his baby hair. I was being cautious, because I didn’t want him to push me away right now. Kai was vulnerable with his emotions all over the place, and he seemed drunk…he would be an easy target to anyone who wanted to take advantage of him. And I hadn't liked how that woman had been clinging to him at the washroom…

“I have a condo nearby,” I told him softly. “Let’s go before we both get sick.”

He didn’t say anything for the longest time; just stayed still without moving like a living statue. But then I felt him nod his head ever so slightly as his hands dropped to his sides. If he didn’t have his head on my shoulders, I probably wouldn’t even have felt that nod, but I was glad that I did.

“Let’s go.”

Dropping my arm to around his waist, I guided him to the parking space where I had parked my car. The ride to my condo was short but filled with tension. Both of us were fully drenched by the time we reached the compound. I parked my car in the basement and guided Kai to my room as fast as I could.

Honestly, I was a bit surprised to find the place all clean and tidy since I hardly visit this condo anyway. I guess my dad had haired maids to keep all our properties clean.

Taking off my shoe at the door, I headed to the wardrobe to get a couple of towels before racing back to the door. “Here.” I wrapped a towel around Kai’s neck, making sure the door was shut before I started wiping away at his face and neck. “Go take a shower first. I’ll get you some fresh clothes to wear.”

“I’m fine-”

“Must you argue on everything with me?” I narrowed my eyes at him. “Go take a shower, Kai. I’ll wait outside.”

Sighing, he nodded and headed to the bathroom when I pointed out where it was. I waited outside, taking off my shirt and pants first so I didn’t catch a cold as I dumped them into the washing machine. I’d wait till Kai has taken off his clothes as well; it’d be better to wash them together.

Wrapping the towel over my shoulders, I headed to my wardrobe to get both of us some new clothes to change into before leaving them out neatly on the bed. Kai came out not long after, the towel wrapped around his waist and his hair dripping wet from the shower.

I did my best to avert my eyes from him, knowing well he wasn’t yet comfortable with me, no matter how complicated his emotions were at that moment.

“I’ve laid out some clothes for you. Choose what you want.”

With that, I sidestepped him and made my way to the bathroom without a second glance. When I closed the bathroom door and leaned against it, my hands were trembling…my heart thrashing against my chest like a drum.

I traced my lips with the tips of my fingers…remembering the feeling once again…

This needed to stop. Whatever we were doing…it needed to stop before we went too far with our games.

When I came back out again, taking my time in the shower to give Kai some space, he was already dressed in a lose grey T-shirt and black track pants. I took the seat next to him on the bed.

“You want something to drink?” I asked him, trying my best to start a civil conversation.

“Whiskey sounds real nice right now.” Kai finally spoke more than his monosyllabic replies, but it still had me frowning.

“You’re drunk as is.” I told him sternly. “There’s no way I’m giving you any more alcohol. You need to get that out of your system.”

“Why?” He turned to me with a sarcastic smile on his lips. “Afraid of what I’d do when I get drunk?”

“No.” I shook my head with a sigh. “Afraid of how you’d react when you’re sober.”

Kai turned his face away from me instantly, an almost hissing sound leaving his lips.

“I know what you’re going through, Kai.” I told him, trying to stay as calm as I possibly could. “Raided my father’s liquor cabinet when I was fourteen, trying to figure out why I didn’t find women attractive like all my classmates did. Tried to date girls in my class…kiss…have sex. Trust me, the second those clothes started coming off, I knew this wasn’t what I wanted.”

I looked at Kai from the corner of my eyes; saw his hands clenched together, his jaw working as he stared straight ahead.

“It’s different for you though. Isn’t it?” I asked him, turning slightly to face him. “You’ve liked women all your life, but something is making you change your mind.”

“You have no idea what you’re talking about.” Kai spoke through gritted teeth.

“I know more than you would ever comprehend.” I sighed. “But that’s up to you, Kai. How you want to sort out your feelings…how you want to sort through them…It’s all up to you. Because I fell prey to Cameron trying to figure shit out for myself and I don’t want something like that happening to you.”

“You seriously think I’m an easy prey?” Kai scoffed. “Did you forget what I did to that ex of yours?”

“I’m saying this because I remember.” I told him firmly. “Your emotions make you unstable. You’re desperately trying to cling onto what you knew and what you think is ‘normal’. And if you feel like this is just a temporary distraction, a momentary misjudgment…then why do you keep coming back to me? Why do you keep playing around with my feelings?”

I was dying to know what he was going to say. Because I wanted to know if he had someone else or was he just toying around with me.

If this were anybody else, I’d say that his fits of anger were nothing less than jealousy at seeing me with someone else. But Kai had believed he was straight. He’s had multiple partners before. All of whom had been women.

He was confused about his identity; about which box he was supposed to fit himself into. How to best identify himself as.

I hated boxes and labels the most.

The way society tried to put us into categories as if sorting out cargo... it just didn’t sit right with me.

Kai got up from the bed to stand next to the window. I decided to give him the space he needed. There was no need to rush and I didn’t want him running off in the middle of the night, still half-drunk and fully confused.

“Get some sleep.” I told him when the time on the digital clock read 2AM. “It’s late. You can go back to the dorm tomorrow morning, once the alcohol is out of your system.”

I got up from the bed as well, looking around at the cupboards to find a spare blanket. “You can take the bed. I’ll sleep o-”

“I want it to go away.”

“Pardon?” I stopped in my tracks, looking at him with a frown. His body was still turned away from me, his broad shoulders tense as he spoke.

“I want this to go away, Night.” Finally, he turned to face me, his eyes sparkling with determination as he looked right into my eyes. “I want to go back to how it was before-”

Before? Before…me?

“And how do you think that’s going to happen?” I asked.

“Sleep with me.”

“What?” Did I hear what I thought I heard?