Omega Bound Chapter 23

Ayla

Watching my door close, I slowly slid to the floor holding my lips. Staring at the wall across my room, all I can feel is total shock. I just had my first kiss. Years of abuse, being kept in a cage, showed me no intimacy. I have never felt the love of another, never had someone to call my own. I am trying to rack my brain around what it meant. He blamed it on his wolf. Did Ronan really push him that hard? Was it part of trying to pull my wolf out? Why me? Could I continue living here, putting him in danger after this.

My thoughts were racing, and guilt flooded my mind. I stayed there for a while, resting my fingers on my lips. His lips were so soft, only a brief second, I felt them, but it felt amazing. I decided that if I do end up leaving, I wanted Thane to know just how special a gift he gave me. To me, I had a small moment where I felt wanted, normal. After 24 years, I experienced butterflies and the shock of intimacy and if I never see him again, I will carry it forever. I pulled out my phone and sent him a text. Short and sweet, to the point.

Me: That was my first kiss.

Sitting on the floor for what feels like hours, thinking, fretting, I decided it would be best to lay down and get some rest in the giant cloud called a bed. Lying here hasn't stopped my overthinking.  Could I be worthy of more? Would my mate want me after everything I have been through. I hear a knock on the door, and before I panic, I hear Eric announce himself. Letting him in, we take a seat on the couch, and he sets his bag down on the table.

"Ayla, it's good to see you recovering. You look even better now that your shifter healing has kicked in. Alpha Thane tells me that your wolf tried to reconnect, and I would like to talk to you a little about that. If that is, okay?"

I nodded my head "yes" in agreement and he proceeded.

"I am sure you remember your first shift and how painful that was? I think that since your wolf has been withdrawn for ten years, that when she shifts, you will be in a great deal of pain. Alpha Thane can help talk you through the pain and shift easier. I will be on standby with sedatives if you can't handle the pain. It would only be a small amount, and you could try again afterwards, but I would like that to be a last resort. We could also try sedating you a little to try and pull her out or maybe she would pull you in. I think if you make contact in your mind, that there would be a lot of catching up to do so to speak, or things to discuss between you two before she surfaces, but ultimately that would be left up to you. It would be a supervised sedation though. One of us would be there with you." I nodded in understanding, taking in everything he was saying, mulling over questions and reservations in my head.

"You could also try being around other shifters, in their wolf form. That may help her feel safer. I know that Alpha Thane, as an Alpha of Alphas, can pull wolves and force shifts. He wouldn't force you, but the option is there." Alpha of Alphas? I have not heard of this title but somehow seems to register familiarity with me.

"Also, we should discuss the potential difficulties your wolf faces being gone for so long. With only one shift, you never had the opportunity to form a bond with her. There is a high probability she could either be traumatized and scared like you or feral. With no contact and no bond, she could pose a safety risk to you and others around you."

My heart starts racing, fear flashing in my features. "I know that sounds scary" Eric states and then reaches over and places his hand on mine. The touch isn't unwelcome, but it doesn't sit right with me like Thane's does.

"We wouldn't do anything to your wolf Ayla. Our goal would be to keep her safe from herself and the others safe as well. There are things we can try if she does surface feral. Don't be afraid."

"One more thing, once your wolf surfaces, there will be a strong chance you could sense a mate and that would put you into heat. Omegas go into heat once they find their mates. The heats are longer, more intense, and more frequent. Other shifters go into heat a couple times a year, depending on the moon. I know with your past abuse that could be difficult for you. It is something to think about. We don't like to suppress heat because it can be harmful to the body and is taboo, but I think an exception could be made in your case. Just give it some thought." I nodded at him as he stood to leave my room.

"I will keep checking with Thane, but I think you've made a full physical recovery, which is the easy part. Goodbye Ayla."

I shut the door behind him, taking in the information overload again. Is my mate here? Should I be leaving my room in search of my fated mate? Would there be rejection? Would I want to be rejected? If I get one more piece of information to mull over and fret about, I may break. I crawl into my bed and under my covers. I feel on the brink of tears, but there's nothing. I don't know how I can have all these emotions and worries but yet feel so numb inside. My phone beeps and I quickly look out from my cocoon to check my message, eager to see how Thane takes the revelation I put on him.

Thane: Thank you for telling me that. I feel horrible taking that from you.

Me: You may have taken it, but I am glad you did. I want you to know that I will carry that with me forever. No matter what.

Thane: Sounds like you're telling me goodbye.

Me: No, just informing. Just in case.

Thane: I wish I would have kissed you properly. A first kiss should be butterflies and passion. Fear and Euphoria all in one. Too much and not enough.

Me: It was perfect, and it will stay with me forever.

I need to keep my walls up. Trust isn't something I can give out anymore, but he makes me want to. I don't want to find my mate and be too damaged to reciprocate their love. Too traumatized to handle his touches because I could have a panic attack at any moment. That wouldn't be fair to a mate. I fell asleep wondering if I should have more "firsts" before finding my mate.