Off Limits, Brother's Best Friend Chapter 165

Chapter 165: I Can't Cry Anymore 

Brianna

For a second time, I woke up to the sound of knocking.

“Brianna, why didn't you eat?” I heard my brother again, though I know it was probably been hours since he had last been knocking. I could feel it was late.

“Brianna?” I heard him huff, he knocked one more time but finally just let himself in, I didn't move a muscle.

“You are kind of freaking me out here, kiddo. Please tell me what is wrong.” I felt the dip of the bed when he sat on the edge of it. At least, he didn't lift the pillow this time.

“It is a girl thing.” I lied.

What can I say to him? Your best friend is an asshole? Your best friend just shattered any piece of me that I had tried to keep whole? What do I tell him? I can't, so I lied.

“You need to eat something, I will bring it in the room, alright?” I heard him stand and walked out.

His heavy footsteps came back in and he set the plate down on my side table.

“Eat something, Brianna. I will give you space.” He said and I went to sleep.

For the third time I woke up to a knock on the door, my head hurt and I felt like I had slept for a very long time. It was that kind of sleep where you know you have slept too long and you don't feel rested, just a headache.

“Babes, it is me.” I heard Jane's voice which she used softly for once. Bryce obviously called her.

When she came in, I began to stir a little bit, my limbs felt stiff from having laid there in the same position for so long. I barely shifted overnight.

“Your brother is worried about you. What is going on?” She walked into the room and shut the door behind her. When she turned on the light, I cringed.

“You have been crying.” She frowned when I finally sat up and she got a good look at me.

“My eyes hurt.” That was all I croaked out.

“Hold on, I have a fix for this.” She told me before heading into my bathroom. I heard her opening and closing things before coming back to me with wet clothes that were very cold. She had me press the cloth against my sore eyes. I stayed on my bed and leaned against the headboard.

“Can you tell me what happened?” She asked again, I was afraid that if I talked about it, I would cry again.

“I can't cry anymore.” I shook my head.

“Does this have to do with…” I cut her off, pulling the cloth away from my eye to quickly speak to her.

“Don't even say his name.” I interrupted, and that gave her the answer she wanted.

“Oh, no.” She sighed.

“Go take a nice shower, I will order us a fabulous breakfast and then we can talk, okay?” She said.

Jane is the greatest friend I have actually ever had, she pushed me off the bed. I feel like I owe her a lot, she is really good to me and I want to be there for her the way she always is for me but Jane is never upset about anything. Somehow, she is always just coasting through life and I don't often get the opportunity to shower her with this kind of affection and treatment. Maybe I will just take her out on a special day, not because she is upset but just because I want to acknowledge her as my best friend. To thank her, I guess. I feel the need to thank her.

After the shower and breakfast, I finally got a little more energy inside me. Enough to tell her the gist of it, I swallowed hard and told her everything. I felt my eyes burn with the threat of tears but I think I feel mostly numb to it today. Like it was some bad dream I was retelling but wasn't so attached to now that I was awake, just a bad dream.

“What a fucking prick, I am so mad at him.” She really got herself worked up. I shushed her in case my brother was home, I won't tell him anything.

“I can't believe it, why would he hate you?  I don't even understand where that hatred would stem from, did something happen between you two that you aren't telling me?” She furrowed her brows at me and I shook my head no.

“I am as lost as you are.” I admitted.

“It is like you are the one who walked out on him, the one who wouldn't answer your calls or texts. You should hate him, not the other way around. This is  perplexing.” She huffed. I felt her eyes studying me but I just kept them trained on my hands which were picking at the hem of my shirt.

“Brianna, I know that really hurt you, those words hurt me and they aren't even about me. I don't think he regrets you, I think he is just an asshole.” She muttered, I just shrugged. I couldn't even get worked up today like she was, I was drained.

“You have so many wonderful things going on, you just have gone to the most fabulous show and were announced as the fabulous girl you are. You don't need him.” She leaned on my shoulder and tried getting me to react a little bit.

“Can we stop talking about it? I can't think about it anymore, I am too drained.” She pressed her lips together, but nodded in agreement that she would drop it.

I had a huge weekend event and I have tons more coming up. I do have so many wonderful things going on and that was why I hate how damn sad I am feeling. Even with the blessings I have, I don't deserve it. I don't deserve the luck I have with my career. Am I even that talented? Do I honestly stand out at all? I feel unimpressive. Stupid, Brianna Fletcher, stupid ugly and ungrateful Brianna Fletcher. 

“Do you want to go out or stay in? We can get day-drunk if you want, I have nowhere to go.” Jane offered. I don't think I need to add liquor to this fire. Things might blow up.

“I think I would like to rest today, maybe we can get drunk tomorrow.” I tried to shake this blank expression that I know is what is worrying her. I am not even venting, I am just sorta here and we don't usually handle our drama that way. But this one just hit me differently.

“I love you, Brianna.” She took my hand as she said that.

My eyes watered up at the words, I have never heard them before, so forthright that way. I have never been told that by a person who meant it. My father used it as a manipulation tool, my mother was too delusional to even think to say a kind word to me. Ezekiel would make me say it to him but he wouldn't really ever say that kind of stuff to me. I didn't realize the difference at the time, that he didn't want to love me, he just wanted to be loved. To have a person by the heart strings to drag them by it, Bryce just isn't the kind of person who feels comfortable telling me he loves me even though I know in his own way he does. I have just near heard those words be told to me in my face like this and have someone mean it.

“Why are you crying again, babes?” She pulled me to her side and rubbed my back. I told her the truth I had just thought of, that no one has ever just said I love you, Brianna to me.

“I am so sorry,” she practically gasped.

Jane is a mafia princess, her father might be far away for now but he spoils her and tells her she is his princess and tells her he loves her. I have heard them on the phone, so I know and she has had men after her all her life. They loved her even if she didn't love them back. Maybe her brother has never said the word but her and her sister say ‘love you’ at the end of their phone conversation sometimes. Jane is loved and she is told that she is loved.

Wow, I feel fucking pathetic now that I am thinking of this sob story I have here. I cringed at myself and wiped my tears away.

“It is fine, I am fine.” I told her, sitting up.

“It  is okay to not be fine, that doesn't feel very fine to me. You should have been told more.” She started talking but I lifted my hand to stop her.

“I love you too, Jane.” That was all I said to her then I got up and walked into the bathroom.