Off Limits, Brother's Best Friend Chapter 211

Chapter 211: I Look Ugly 

Brianna

For so many years, I feared that man would find me and I would subconsciously search for a space to be sure he wasn't in it. I would hide in my room so I wouldn't upset people. I only just now got brave enough to buy sweatpants and leave a dirty dish in the sink overnight. Vicky Fletcher really knows how to fúck me up and do it well. I know there are people worse off than me, but he really did mess me up.

It is why I cycle through people and never maintain long term friendships or relationships. I left my high school friends and never talked to them again, I left Ezekiel and anyone I made friends with in his world. I went to Asaba and left them without even keeping in contact with them, I moved to Port Harcourt and made friends with the tattoo shop crew and look how shitty I have been keeping in contact with them. I went to London and made friends and had two amazing bosses. Do I put enough effort to talk to them or see them? No because I can't let myself attach to anything, I don't even realize I am doing it either. Poor Andrew for example, I just detach and leave people to their own feelings about it. May I deserve what Callan did to me, he was finally the first person I wanted to attach myself to long term and he walked out on me. He did to me what I do to everyone else, I deserve this.

When I needed to use the bathroom, and had the nurses help me get there. I asked my brother and Callan to leave. When I was done, I asked the nurses to keep me out and told them that I don't want any visitors. I feel ashamed, embarrassed and I want to be alone. I heard Bryce and Callan fight it and they burst back into the room but when I cried and asked them to please just let me sleep here overnight by myself. They eventually agreed just because they probably felt bad. I asked them not to tell Jane because then she would come here too and I don't want her here either. I feel and look pathetic, I feel like I am wearing my past on my sleeve and now everyone sees me naked and exposed. It is one thing to hear about my past, it is another thing to physically see it on me and my entire unhideable appearance.

I was so worked up with crying and still trembling with nerves that the doctor had given me anxiety medication so I was tired on top of it all. Somewhere in a possible dream, I heard Callan's voice in the middle of the night.

“I promise, baby girl.” I heard him say, though I don't know what he was promising me.

“I miss you.” He said to me in a dream.

I think it was a dream, why would I be here in the middle of the night? I watched them leave so he couldn't be here.

“I miss you.”

The rest of my night was a restless one, I kept having bad dreams and I could hear my heart monitor beep sometimes with my sudden increasing heart beat. They checked on me a few times.

****

It was heard to eat with a swollen jaw and face and also with a laceration in my mouth that would bleed when I tried to chew food. I was going on a liquid food I was going on a liquid diet today. Jane found out about the attack and rushed over to her crying. I didn't want her to see me either and she was mad at me for it. I offended her, I know I did but after she came in and hugged me and asked me all kinds of questions, I just asked that she, my brother and Callan leave again. I will be discharged later tonight and Bryce will be here for that but until then, I just want to be left alone.

I look so ugly, I can't even stand to look at myself in the mirror. My face is black and blue and swollen in a way that disfigured my face. I move stiffly because of my ribs and limp and my ankle. If I am not completely covered, you see all sorts of bruises and scrapes at my elbows and back from being dragged. I can't even look at myself, so why would I want anyone else to look at me? 

I had been home for a few days, locked away in my bedroom. I saw Callan's face when he came with Bryce to bring me home from the hospital and at first I caught him staring at me but then he couldn't even look at me anymore. I clearly disgusted him. I didn't let them tell anyone, Roy or anyone else. I had to call Dontella's team and tell them I got into a bad car accident and couldn't go to the fitting or the event I was meant to go to. I was so upset I had missed it. Jane had come over and she sulked about my hiding from her, she said I wasn't gross, just really injured and that she was cringing because I was ugly. But because she can't stand seeing me in pain, I kept the light off in my room but I did let her stay a little bit one of the days.

Bryce came to me often to see if I was okay and he looked so guilty even though he literally had no reason to be. I heard him say they atr looking for him, and I can only assume they meant my father. I don't know what they want to do with him, but I don't think I care. If I have to go through life being afraid every day that he will find me, then I think I will honestly lose my mind and he knows where we live now. I would have to start over again and I am so sick of doing that, cutting everyone off, running away, starting over. I am so sick of all of it.

I guess this incident kind of threw me into a bout of depression. I wasn't answering my phone, I didn't want to hang out with anyone, maybe I am being dramatic but I feel like my father beating me this badly had triggered some past response in me that completely shut me down. I would replay the incident in my head and ask myself why I didn't run or scream enough? Why didn't I hit him the way I always wanted to? Why  did I freeze when he appeared in front of me? I kept thinking of ways that I could have handled this better. I kept thinking about little Brianna Fletcher who cries into the pillow at night. I kept thinking about Bryce and how this triggered his own version of post-traumatic stress disorder too. Maybe, that sounds dramatic but it does trigger something, primal instincts to cope or whatever it is.

****

It took a week for most of the swelling to go down, I spent that entire week in my room in my bed. I watched movies or slept or I stared at the ceiling and berated myself in my thoughts. Stupid Brianna Fletcher. Weak Brianna Fletcher. Maybe I am a whore, I couldn't even help myself from having sex with my brother's best friend when he asked me repeatedly not to. I wanted Callan so badly, I let myself rub over him just to get myself off because I was that horny for him. Like a fucking dop humping a pillow. I heard Roy Vortex showed up here when he couldn't get a hold of me and my brother told him I wouldn't see anyone and when he pushed it too far, Bryce said I was in a car accident, bruised and swollen and didn't want to see anyone. He still texted me, telling me he didn't care that I was bruised, that he just wanted to see me but I said no.

I did take pictures of all my injuries, my face, body, everything and that is because I want proof if I ever have to bring charges against him like I had to with Ezekiel. After a full week, Bryce finally made me tell him exactly what happened with father. What he said and what he did to hurt me this bad. I did tell him and I didn't cry once when I did it, I was empty and he could tell. Broken ribs are so damn awful, breathing, sneezing, laughing even trying to adjust in bed just shoots sharp horrible pain through you.