Mated to alpha triplets at all-boys school Chapter 44

Ashley pov

I know the Professor told me to rest some more, but every time I close my eyes, all I can see is my past. Not the beautiful memories of the days I felt happy, no, not even close.

The flashbacks behind my eyelids are those of hurt and deep misery. Starting with the day I watched my parents die to the days I became the servant of those who stripped me of everything. And finally, the look on his face when he rejected me..

The last part doesn’t hurt me that much anymore. Deep down, I know I could never be happy with a man like him - fated mate or not.

What hurts me the most is that he came back into my life. He is like a perfect enemy - fading into the memories just to reappear like some haunting demon.

I can’t let my guard down anymore. And apparently, I can’t trust anyone anymore either. One person, I had one person, and turns out that he’s just one of them..

“Do I trust the Professor even?” I mutter the question, as if saying the words out loud would miraculously grant me the answer.

I don’t know. On every turn I take, I meet a dead end and another betrayal.

Is this the self pity I hate so much? Am I becoming weak and giving into the gloomy, dark thoughts that seem to never leave my mind?

Sighing, I close my eyes and try to sleep again. Sure, the sleep never comes, but at least the images slowly fade. At first, I’m surprised that they do - something like that doesn’t disappear all of a sudden, but soon, I realize there is a reason for that.

My reason happens to be a gentle, warm hand covering mine. I know that touch. Although I haven’t experienced it often, I know it far too well.

Ethan.

“Ash, are you asleep?” He whispers and gently shakes my hand.

For a brief moment, I contemplate whether I should pretend to be asleep or open my eyes and come clean with him. I opt for the latter - I really can’t face anyone right now.

“Good, good. You need to rest more. You know, I’ve noticed how little you sleep lately, there must be some stress, not like you’re telling me anything. I’m just guessing here, you know. But yes, you need the rest. I view this situation as a blessing in disguise, if nothing else, at least the hospital staff can make sure you’re okay and at best healthy.”

Ethan doesn’t pull his hand away from mine. In fact, he places another on my cheek and somehow, I even manage to ignore how soft and caring he is being.

It’s hard, trust me, insanely so, but I keep pretending.

“I just wish you wouldn’t keep trying to escape me. I don’t know what I did wrong, sure I fucked up here and there, but only if you could give me a chance to fix my mistakes and redeem myself in your eyes, I promise I could be good. I could be so good to you, you have no idea. Ash, I know you’re asleep, but I wish you will dream about me. I like you so stupidly much, it’s starting to hurt me.”

The last words are barely a whisper, but they echo in my mind at the maximum volume.

Slowly, he pulls his hand away and I instantly miss the soft touch covering my face. On the inside, I wish I could scream at him and demand for Ethan to touch me just a little more, but I, better than anyone, know it’s a bad idea.

I listen in to realize Ethan has started pacing the room. It’s something he does pretty often, especially when his thoughts are overwhelmed by something and he has to ground himself.

“Elias and Everett told me this is a bad idea. They stressed how criminal it is to sneak into the hospital just to see someone, but I still did that.” He announces and chuckles.

I can picture Ethan, walking back and forth in the room, shaking his head, as if in disbelief about his own actions.

“But..” He starts and sighs. “I couldn’t help it, you know. I wanted to see you, especially after you ran off like that. Seriously, why would you do that? Why would you hurt me like that?”

Now, there is a hint of anger and disbelief in his voice. I’m just laying here, pretending to be asleep while Ethan is battling himself next to me.

“I don’t get it,” Ethan mutters and approaches the bed. “I just don’t. Don’t get me wrong, I get why I like you... I mean, you’re literally perfect in every sense of that word, but I still don’t get it. Why won’t you like me? You’re not homophobic, so I don’t believe the speech you shouted out earlier. You have no problem with guys dating guys, but you refuse to give me a chance?”

Listening to Ethan drop in the chair next to my bed, I barely hold back the tears that slowly well in my eyes. It’s not that I don’t like him at all, it’s that I refuse to experience another heartbreak that is sure to come.

And not only that. Ever since the Professor told me who he really is, I have this small spark of hope in my chest that slowly keeps growing bigger. This is the first time I truly feel like there’s a chance to return my parent’s pack to its former glory. To save the people and start all over again.

Falling into the trap of accepting mates and distracting myself from the main goal would be so stupid and unfair. I can’t put my needs and wants above those of the remaining survivors of our pack. I just can’t do that to my parents.

“Just know,” Ethan suddenly whispers. “I’ll take whatever you are willing to give me, Ash. Anything. If it’s only a friendship, I’ll still take it. Just let me be close. Let me remain at your side and show you just how much I care about you.”

As the last words still echo against the walls, I feel the bed dip and barely restrain myself from holding my breath. The next moment, I feel warm lips pressed against my forehead and hear him whisper, “I will become whatever you want me to be.”